Entire FFVII Blooper Topic

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FFVII BlooperS!!!

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From: bayside player | Posted: 1/19/2004 12:53:24 AM | Message Detail

i'm not to sure but has this been done before on this board??
if not or any way i think we should make a bloopers topic!
now unfortunatly i ain't funny at all! but in would love to read what other people can come up with!
so please feel free to post bloopers for FFVII on this topic!

From: Beren | Posted: 1/19/2004 12:58:10 AM | Message Detail

The odds of posting an original topic on the FF VII board are quite slim.

---
Love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.

From: Spawn87 | Posted: 1/19/2004 10:31:02 AM | Message Detail

(SPOILERS JUST IN CASE)

*Gold Saucer before date scene starts*

*Knock at door, Cloud turns around*
Cloud: Who's that?
*Sephiroth walks in*
Sephy: Oh Cloud! I love you! Let's sneak out and have fun!
Cloud: AAARGHHHHHHHH!
*Cloud jumps out of window*

Sorry, not really funny but it's all I could think of

---
"God Bless Pancakes"- George W. Bush on Dead Ringers

From: bayside player | Posted: 1/19/2004 11:56:29 PM | Message Detail

bump!

From: OmniUnitOmega | Posted: 1/20/2004 3:44:52 PM | Message Detail

(Scene after first bombing)

Tifa: Cloud would you like something to drink?

Cloud: Give me something hard!

**Cloud's mom walks in.**

Cloud's Mom: What the hell are you doing Cloud?!

Cloud: Mom?!?

Tifa: Oh My. . .

**Cloud's mom grabs Cloud by his ear dragging him out of the 7th heaven bar"

Cloud's Mom: What did I tell you about drinking?!

Cloud: Sorry Mom Sorry! ! !

Cloud's Mom, Member of M.A.D.D

Mothers Against Drunk Driving
---
Currently Playing:
.Hack/Infection

From: bayside player | Posted: 1/20/2004 10:11:09 PM | Message Detail

*casts haste on this topic and hopes it will get more bloopers quick!*

From: snkayin | Posted: 1/20/2004 10:47:30 PM | Message Detail

Bloopers eh, well how bout this:
spoiler
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Sephiroth jumps down to kill Aeris but misses, and when he hits the ground one of his knees gives out, He screams "AAAAHHHHH my friggin kneeeeee!!!" and falls over holding his leg. Aeris and Cloud look a little confused...

Oh well I tried.

---
The Worst Foe Lies Within The Self
XBL Gamertag = Kayin Magnus

From: snkayin | Posted: 1/20/2004 10:49:48 PM | Message Detail

Cloud's mom drags him from the bar he he he he, just think about it it's pretty funny!
---
The Worst Foe Lies Within The Self
XBL Gamertag = Kayin Magnus

From: virus gift | Posted: 1/20/2004 11:07:38 PM | Message Detail

[Flying the Tiny Bronco before it gets shot down}

*plane is going straight for Cid and Rufus*

Cloud: liekomg, you're gonna hit them, Red!!!

RedXIII: It's kinda hard for me to steer this plane!!!

*plane rams into Rufus and kills him*

RedXIII: ****!

Cloud: Holy ****!

Cait Sith (who is the third party member): You kill Rufus, you *******!
---
"Got Milk?" - Dr. Pepper commercial

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/20/2004 11:14:51 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/20/2004 11:46:12 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: knockedUp | Posted: 1/21/2004 12:07:28 AM | Message Detail

OOOHHH HEHEH (CLAP CLAP CLAP) this is going to be fun:

Blooper one:
Hojo's lab, Aeris and Red Scene in the tube

Director: NO not like that! What are you - RED?!! CUT!!!!!

Red: W-what? I though I was supposed to-

Director: NO, you DON'T like female humans remember!

Red: A-re you sure bout that director, because she-

Director: NO read your script again!!!

Red: R-r-read?

Aeris: Ohhh Red (winks) come back here with that big old nasty tongue.

Director: Will somebody get Aeris some new clothes already!
What kinda game are we making here?!

Blooper Two:
Tifa, Cloud and Barret fighting some random monster.

Director: No, NO!! CUT!!

Cloud: Whats wrong now?

Director: Why are you still wearing your drag outfit from Dons? That scenes over!

Cloud: But I feel pretty!

Director: Is that my wifes lip stick your wearing?

Cloud: Er, I'll go change.

Director: And Tifa I told you, if your going to do high kicks put some panties on!

Tifa: Oh pooh!

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/21/2004 12:09:50 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: robert7lee | Posted: 1/21/2004 12:29:42 AM | Message Detail

In Shin-ra mansion, Nibelheim

*Cloud struggles to follow the Turks clues for opening the safe*

Cloud: *scratches his head* I might as well try to guess the numbers......

3 days later..

Cloud: maybe its ... or maybe .... yes .... yes ..... darn it!

Barrett: Y'know Cloud your sword is pretty damn powerful
- Cloud: quiet! I think I got it.... Argh!! it just wont open!!!

Barret: .....And my gun's not too bad either, maybe we should....

Cloud: would ya stop with the yapping and help me open this darn safe

*Cloud hears noises from within the safe*

Lost number: "I can't breathe.....let me outta here!!"

Cloud: "I don't know the combination"

Lost number: The numbers are on the clues the turks left, hurry man...

*Cloud concentrates on the clues and starts to make out the words*

Cloud: T..H..E.. Th...e The! it says The!"

Lost number: holy crap I'm screwed

---------------------------------------------

---

From: silent c4 | Posted: 1/21/2004 2:01:15 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted by a GameFAQs Moderator]

From: bayside player | Posted: 1/21/2004 11:39:34 PM | Message Detail

o wow these r really good --
-- keep 'em commin' --

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/21/2004 11:47:14 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Demon for Ra | Posted: 1/21/2004 11:55:03 PM | Message Detail

*Spoilers*
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*Zack is killed by Shinra soldiers*

Cloud:<_< >_>.....HAHAAHAHAHHAHAH! This is all part of my elaborate plan to find Aeris,get her killed by Sephiroth, pretend I'm Zack like a dumbass, rape Tifa for not paying any attention to me, and get Knights of the Round!!

Square Producer:WTF did you do that for? You ruined the whole game

Cloud:Shove it, pansy, I'm going over to KH, maybe they have a part for me
---
Kuja may look like a girl, but he's probably had more women than you.

From: robert7lee | Posted: 1/21/2004 11:57:04 PM | Message Detail

First time near Wutai

Barret: "Dammit! Yuffie stole all our Materia!!"

Cloud: "No wait, she only took our colored condom - uh I mean our baloons"

Barret: "lets get outta here"

---

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/22/2004 2:42:49 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: bayside player | Posted: 1/22/2004 5:39:18 PM | Message Detail

(SPOILERS)

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*Cloud and the rest of party - (Cid and Yuffie) have reached the podium type thing where they see Aeris praying.*

*Cloud jumps up to the podium and is suddenly possessed by Sephiroth to kill Aeris*

*Cloud grabs his buster sword and reaches above his head and then .. bang ! (ok not really bang but in this.. BANG) cloud sliced Aeris in half and is now dead*

*Cloud wakes up and looks around*

Cloud: wowa... what's happened here? guys! i think Aeris been cut in 1/2! O no did i do it again????

Cloud: Guys u were supposed to stop me remember!?

*Cloud looks around at Cid and Yuffie to see them sitting on the ground starring intently with i giant bag of popcorn*

Cloud: O ****!

From: samusbestfriend | Posted: 1/22/2004 5:48:08 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
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Cloud, and the party are at the part where they face Safer-sephiroth. Cloud attacks and Sephy accidentally presses the disindegrate button.
DIRECTOR: CUT!!!! You're not supposed to activate the disindigrate button until KOtR is summoned!
SEPHY: But KOtR Hurts!!
DIRECTOR:Take 858------ action!
---
8:30, kill space pirates, 10:45, kill metroids, 12:00 eat lunch, 1:00,kill space pirates ..................

From: happinessisnotafish | Posted: 1/22/2004 6:21:48 PM | Message Detail

Spoliers!!!
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***Sephiroth comes down to stab Aeris, Misses Breaks his ankle.***
Aeris: Hahahahaha
Cloud: ahahha stupid Sephy!!
Sephiorth: Ohh Shut up
***Barret and Yuffie come running with drinks***
Barret & Yuffie: DRINKS ON US
Aeris: cool.....HEY where did my Materia go
Sephiroth: Mumble mumble...uhh oh I guess this is your uhh sorry >_><_<
Cloud: Hand it over for a night with Tifa
***Tifa comes running***
Tifa: Cloud Shut the **** up!!!...HeeeY sephiroth
EVERYONE: o_O
***Tifa sudectivley walks over to Sephy***
***Kills him with her level 92 limit break***
Aeris: Well since I am Alive this time how do you suppose we finish the game
Barret: ....You know I've been wanting to do this for awhile (blows Aeris's head off)

********************GAME CONTINUES ON***********************

---
Currently playing: FFVIII
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist.

From: utragamer | Posted: 1/22/2004 7:11:02 PM | Message Detail

*During some boss battle scene*

director: ACTION!
cloud: Ughh!
Director: CUT!CUT!CUT! Whats wrong cloud?
Cloud: sword to heavy, back hurts
Director: How many times have I told you to lift with your legs?
Could: groan (At least I get a massage from Tifa later) heheheh

Director: Oh Cloud, Tifa can't make it, she has a date with Tsueng tonight.
Cloud: Do I get a massage?
Director: Hold on. *Calls someone* Yes you do.
Cloud: from who *Lying on the ground in pain*
Director: Don Coreno
Cloud: O_O; I am feeling better all of the sudden
Don: Come on cloud this is for every time you beaten the crap out of my fat body
Cloud: NOOOO!
Camera man: still rolling
director: Keep rolling this is good stuff
Don: *Pulls out huge pool table from the 7th heaven bar*
Cloud: I think I can walk now.
Don: To bad *Starts beating clouds back with a landed swordfish*
Director: *Pulls up to the rest of the cast and crew watching the site with popcorn* Dude he's sick
*After massage*

Areis: How ya feeling Cloud? (Snicker)
Cloud: *In casts* Kill- Me!
---
You have a problem with the flag? Call 1-800 LEAVE U.S.
Official HSB Prophet/armory owner

From: virus gift | Posted: 1/22/2004 8:13:32 PM | Message Detail

[Cloud and Aeris meets Clone #2]

Director: Ok Aeris, your line is "This guy is sick."
Director: ACTION

Aeris: This guy is...LINE

Take 2
Aeris: This dude is sick

Take 10
Aeris : This guy is dead

Take 43
Aeris: Cloud is sick

Take 99
Aeris: This guy is Zack

Take 673
Aeris: This...guy....is....s.i.c..LINE

Take 1000
Aeris: This guy are sick

Director: Good enough, lets call it a day.
---
"Got Milk?" - Dr. Pepper commercial

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/22/2004 8:15:32 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: spyderman01 | Posted: 1/22/2004 8:44:14 PM | Message Detail

Blooper: Meteor Misses

Blooper: Sephiroth misses Aeris's heart and he gets her in the leg

Blooper: Don Corneo bones Cloud

Blooper: Tifa couldn't hold her breathe long enough and aphixiates.

From: virus gift | Posted: 1/22/2004 8:46:19 PM | Message Detail

Insults by the Director, clone, Cloud, or Aeris.
---
"Got Milk?" - Dr. Pepper commercial

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/22/2004 8:53:14 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: virus gift | Posted: 1/22/2004 8:55:28 PM | Message Detail

I'll keep that in mind for the next blooper
---
"Got Milk?" - Dr. Pepper commercial

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/22/2004 10:50:03 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/22/2004 11:34:37 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: thereallone | Posted: 1/23/2004 6:01:48 AM | Message Detail

(Scene where Cloud and Sepiroth Face off)

Sepiroth: Why, Mr.Strife, why? Why, why do you do it? Why, why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something, for more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is, do you even know? Is it freedom or truth, perhaps peace - could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson, vagaries of perception. Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the this background itself. Although, only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr.Strife, you must know it by now! You can't win, it's pointless to keep fighting! Why, Mr. Strife, why, why do you persist?

Cloud: Because you touch yourself at night. And you bought an N-gage
---
Lone's faith in people:195(Love!)
Bulma isn't a slut, she's a whore. It's completely different. (Varamyr)

From: Cnizzel | Posted: 1/23/2004 3:36:58 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted by a GameFAQs Moderator]

From: Cnizzel | Posted: 1/23/2004 3:38:32 PM | Message Detail

wow i just noticed a fellow family guy fan right above me. one of my favs by the way

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/23/2004 3:58:06 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: PunchDuce | Posted: 1/23/2004 4:15:15 PM | Message Detail

This is not really a bloober but,
picture, Aeris not dead and Cloud thought she was cuz that search took too long and someone claim she died, and the found Sephiroth K.O.'ed
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Cloud: Thats Sephiroth knocked out, HERES MY CHANCE!
(Cloud leaps in the air)
Cloud: THIS IS FOR AERIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aeris: I'm right here, Cloud
Cloud: AERIS!?!?!?!?!?!??!
(Sephiroth wakes up and dodges)
Sephiroth: SNEAK ME WILL YA!?!?!
(Kicks Cloud's ***!)
Cloud: No........it wasnt like tha-OWWWWWWWW THE PAIN!!
---
The Omega Killa!!!!

From: PunchDuce | Posted: 1/23/2004 4:18:26 PM | Message Detail

Spell check:
Bloober - Blooper
The - He,
just to let u know ^_^
---
The Omega Killa!!!!

From: bayside player | Posted: 1/23/2004 7:20:11 PM | Message Detail

--

wow .. most of these r really funny

not just bad attempts!

--

From: KoopaKid | Posted: 1/23/2004 8:35:58 PM | Message Detail

Defcon's was hilarious.

---
[www.acrossthesky.com]

From: bayside player | Posted: 1/24/2004 5:16:04 PM | Message Detail

From: Yoh asakura kun | Posted: 1/24/2004 6:06:10 PM | Message Detail

*Sephiroth gets ready to kill Aeris*

Aeris: Hey look! Theres a cute little moogle! ^_^ *walks off to pet the moogle*

Sephiroth: Hey!! coome back here! *sword get stuck in ground* Its stuck..
(this is up coming part is from a disney movie called "The sword in the stone")
I cany get it out! Thee who can get this out will hold ultimate power!

*everyone tries but fails*
*cute little moogle takes sword out and glares at everyone*
Everyone:.... *cough* AHHHH!!!!!
---
I AM SHARPENING MY KNIFE KUPO!! ~ Moogle that you summon on the world map using the flute

From: supergamefan | Posted: 1/24/2004 6:28:12 PM | Message Detail

Cloud's First appearance)
(Jumps off train)then some how the train starts moving (Trips on the Guards body and gets ran overed)Yea i know it sucks

From: Goldmonkey2828 | Posted: 1/24/2004 7:09:21 PM | Message Detail

Spoiler
(Scene Aeris is praying and about to be killed)

Cloud: I'll save you!!!!

Aeris: Ohhh stuff it you pervert

Cloud: It was only one night...... and you said i could go anal!!!!!

Aeris: No I didnt you just have really bad aim!!!!!!!!

Director: What the hell is wrong with all of you we are trying to shoot a movie here!!!!

Cait Sith: A Porno!!! Yeahhhhhh!!!! I can make i really kinky!

Red XIII: I'm in

Yuffie: Awwww come on your a ****** dog!!!!

Red XIII: So! Cait Sith is a friekin machine!!!!!

Cloud: Awww what the hell, I'm in!!!!!!

Director: GOD PLEASE KILL ME NOW AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
---
"It's not that I'm lazy, I just don't care" - Me

From: Promised Land | Posted: 1/25/2004 9:34:07 AM | Message Detail

Cloud:Tiffa where do you think Sephiroth is.
Tiffa:........
Cloud what the he....
Dan the director:Hey you kids get off the set.
Garet:Silence you pitiful man.
Mia:Garet what are you doing.
Garet:I'm using Issacs Mute virus to take over all RPG's
MMwuhuhuhuhu
Mia:RIGGGHTTTTTT*walks away*
SPOILER

*Sephiroth jumps down*
Garet:MWUHUHUHU...HU..HU OWW my head
Sephiroth:Oops my bad.
Entire cast and crew of final fantasy7:........

---
Twinkle,Twinkle little star my name is Vivi Orientar lol

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/25/2004 11:05:44 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: SaferEmerald | Posted: 1/25/2004 11:32:23 AM | Message Detail

while chasing ultima weapon

Cloud: hey come back her you Ultima Weapon give me my Ultimate weapon! ... hey that's funny- isn't my ultimate weapon called ultimate weapon???

Director: (yer maybe we should have named it a bit better aye)

Cloud: hey guys do you rekon that weapon thinks it can nick off with it because it's finally found something more in common with it.? .. i mean it's name is Ultima Weapon and the swords Ultimate Weapon!!!

---------------------
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--
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yer sorry bout that,that sucks as i am NOT funny. well how bout i just make it a bump!

Alright... I'll proably end up having to correct Ultimate WEAPON's name for many years to come but honestly people... HIS NAME IS ULTIMATE WEAPON!!! NOT ULTIMA WEAPON!!!!!! ULTIMA WEAPON=Cloud's sword and FFVIII&FFX. ULTIMATE WEAPON=FFVII.
---
Enforcing Ultimate WEAPON's real name since 2004.

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/25/2004 11:34:39 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: jretard123 | Posted: 1/25/2004 1:00:12 PM | Message Detail

Cloud breaks wind while doing the squats :-P
---
My Name Is Jesse...Now...Time...For My...Medication

From: Rapidfirez | Posted: 1/25/2004 1:08:01 PM | Message Detail

(During the shooting of the nibelheim scene Sephy gets second degree burns all over his body)

Director: Damn it! Who are we gonna get to play Sephiroth now?

Assistant: How about Vivi from FFIX?

Direct: But he's...I mean...well there's nothing else we can do, call his agent.

(phone rings in Vivi's office in Treno)

Vivi's agent: Talk to me...

Assistant: Is Vivi free, we need him to play Sephiroth.

V.A: A bad guy? You're crazy, my client doesn't fit the profile, you gotta give us something really good for that.

Ass(coincidence): One million gil and a villa in Costa Del Sol, howzat sound?

V.A: He'll take it.

*click*

Continues in next post...
---
LUE...the only place where your IQ drops by the minute.
excelerator3F

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From: Rapidfirez | Posted: 1/25/2004 1:20:42 PM | Message Detail

(Vivi arrives on set with his Sephy costume)

Vivi: Umm...hello.

Director: Hey you're late what were you doing?

Vivi: Well I had to walk here and I tend to trip a lot, so it takes me longer to get to places on time...

Director: Hurry up then, go over to the top of that tree prop thingy and crawl inside that piece of fake materia, make it snappy!

Vivi: But I can't climb that, I'll fall...*sob*

Director: Jezuz Cristo! I'm working with a bunch of idiots here! Get this kid a crane or something like that!

(Vivi gets pulled to the top and crawls in the materia egg)

Director: Now you gotta take your shirt off and show off your muscles to intimidate...oh crap.

Ass: Script change?

Director: Sure, why not, it's not like we haven't done it before...

(scene in Nibelheim reactor)

Director: Ok Vivi, now you walk out with Jenova's head over that overpass while Cloud runs after you to kill you.

Vivi: Got i...*trips and falls into the mako beneath*

Director: Why...? Why God?

Ass: Well he's dead isn't he?
---
LUE...the only place where your IQ drops by the minute.
excelerator3F

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/25/2004 7:59:41 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: supergamefan | Posted: 1/25/2004 8:34:53 PM | Message Detail

(Final Sephorith Encounter) Sephiroth=Seph
Cloud:here he comes
RedXIII:where?
Cait Sith:yea where?
(Seph):OVER HERE YOU TWO IDIOTS
Cloud:Dont call them idiots
(cloud Runs for Seph but Seph Moves and trips him and then falls off The Crater)
(Seph):One down.
Red:CLOUD!!!!!!!
(seph lets out a toy realistic cat Red chses it of the Crater)
Cait Sith:Well this stinks
(Jumps off Crater)
Seph:Huh? oh well i guess i killed them
(walks away but comes back)
Seph:where the hell is my Flames
(flames appear)
Seph leaves laughing

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/25/2004 8:38:58 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/25/2004 9:08:07 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/25/2004 10:49:06 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/25/2004 11:33:29 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: virus gift | Posted: 1/25/2004 11:38:41 PM | Message Detail

yours are the funniest, so keep them coming. I, myself, need to think of another idea.
---
"Got Milk?" - Dr. Pepper commercial

From: Mystical Monkey | Posted: 1/26/2004 6:02:21 PM | Message Detail

cloud is settin in a chair eatin a kan of beans.

Director: cloud! are u ready yet?

Cloud: sure

walks over to barret.

Director:ok. ACTION!
Barret: Seph. i willl banish you using my powerfel FLAMWTHRPER!

Seph:FLAMWTHRPER?

Barret: i mean FLAMETHROWER. yea thats right.

Seph what the **** is a FLAMWTHRPER?

Cloud: its a weapon used by the Shoulin monks in 254 A.D. in the overthrow of the Kang empire.

Barret: what the **** cloud

Cloud: oh yeah. *farts very loudly* starts laughin like a maniac. HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA does anyone dare challenge me?

Director: ughh i need a smoke.

ff7 cast: Billy Bob! NOOOOOOOOOO!

Director lights a match.

In the words of Cloud: WORLD GO BOOM! THEN BAMM. THEN THE UNIVERSE GOED PHEW. AND I DIDED.

the One revives every1 using a pheonix spell.'

Cloud: phew! ill never eat beans again!

Tifa: ya know, i did not have seckswal relations with that man.

Cloud: what u mean? u said im the best lover u ever had!

Yuffie: Cloud NAKED!?

ff7 cast starts puking.
Director: ok. lets stop talkin bout secks and finish this sceene.

ff7 cast: ok

Barret: as i was sayin

Barret: FLAMEPLOWER!

Seph: FLAMEPLOWER

Director gets a gun ind shoots him self.

Cloud: hey u cant do that!

Cloud uses a pheonix down on Director.

Director who the **** gave him a pheonix down!?
---
http://nightmist.co.uk
The best online game in the world.

From: bayside player | Posted: 1/26/2004 6:05:09 PM | Message Detail

yeah Defcon's are really wicked!!
if you want you could do one for the scene when you get the Tiny Bronco'?

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/26/2004 6:09:29 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Adem | Posted: 1/26/2004 6:14:03 PM | Message Detail

omg this is great stuff...if an when this topic reaches 500 or if it keeps going some one should put this all up on a site somewhere
---
Oh and that burning sensation you get afterwards means your ass is screaming with joy ~ Pyro

From: Shierah and Eera | Posted: 1/26/2004 6:50:40 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
SPOILER
SPOILE
SPOIL
SPOI
SPO
SP
S

______
Howbout this:

When Aeris is praying, Sephy comes flying down.
Aeris Takes off costume and reveals herself to be Cloud and Stabs Sephy with his sword.
Sephiroth takes off costume to reveal that S/he is Aeris.
Cloud takes off costume and reveals that he is Barret.
Aeris takes off costume and reveals Himself to be Cid.

Both of them: What the @#$$##$#@%^%^$#^&((%�U{�V�a▐k!!!!!!!!

---
"......"- Just about every Final Fantasy Character EVER!

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/26/2004 8:09:16 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: BlackBlaze Dragon | Posted: 1/26/2004 8:43:21 PM | Message Detail

*Spoilers*
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Scene where sephiroth goes to kill aeris.

Sephiroth is swooping down, and his sword slips out of his hands and hits tifa on the sidelines, who is watching the scene...

*plop, plop*

Oh dammit sephiroth, you ruined them, do you know how much that rack cost me? I hope you have insurance, I'M SUING!

*she walks off the set, and sephy quickly gets on his cell to call his lawyer*
---
Quick! Whats the number for 911!?!?!?

From: BlackBlaze Dragon | Posted: 1/26/2004 8:48:30 PM | Message Detail

during a boss battle:

*Red just can't take it anymore and furiously starts humping tifa's leg... Tifa kicks n screams and complains... red was injured where the sun don't shine*

Director: " you stupid cat dog thing, get over her, you're a cat, It just cant happen. Geez, horny freak... they are a bit big tho..."

Director: "alright lets shoot it again.... take 1001 action!"
---
Quick! Whats the number for 911!?!?!?

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/26/2004 8:51:17 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/26/2004 9:57:34 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/26/2004 11:02:17 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Adem | Posted: 1/27/2004 3:39:25 AM | Message Detail

*dies*
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Oh and that burning sensation you get afterwards means your ass is screaming with joy ~ Pyro

From: T G Cid | Posted: 1/27/2004 8:18:42 AM | Message Detail

***Spoiler***
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Director: Alright guys lets start it from the top. Action!

*Cloud ,Red XIII, and Yuffie begin walking along*

*Red XIII suddenly stops*

Red XIII: Woof! Woof Woof!

Cloud: Whats that you say Red XIII? Aeris is locked in prayer and Sephiroth is fixing
to kill her?

Red XIII: Woof! Woof Woof Woof!

Cloud: What else boy?

Red XIII: Woof!

Cloud: Little Timmy is trapped in a well??

Red XIII: Woof Woof Woof!

Cloud: Oh no, Martha Stewart is meeting with the Enron people?

Red XIII: Woof Woof Woof!

Cloud: Ok lets go!

*Yuffie walks into Cloud*

Cloud: What in the hell do you think you're doing?

Yuffie: You know how it works, its pretty creepy but no one talks about it

Cloud: Talks about what?

Yuffie: You know when you magically walk directly into someone's body?

Cloud: What the...? You're starting to scare me, Red XIII sick her!

Red XIII: grrrrrrrrrr

*everyone hears a distant scream in the background*

Yuffie: Who was that?

Cloud: Oh crap Aeris!

heh yes I know, its pretty crappy
---
Orlandu is not only a god... he can also make shadow puppets and balloon doggies. ~notti

From: GokuSS | Posted: 1/27/2004 9:38:49 AM | Message Detail

SPOILERS AHEAD
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Aerith: Cloud...I have to die...for the planet.

Cloud: Really?

Aerith: Yes I have to die the most painfull death ever......for the planet

Cloud: No....No theres somthing else you have to die for...TELL ME WOMAN!!!

Aerith: (starts to cry) Okay...Last week just before I met you after the bombing...I saw a tape filled with shocking images.

Cloud: So??

Aerith: Im gonna die tonight at ten....so want a pizza??.

(Samara apperes out of nowhere)

Samara: Seven Days!

(Aerith dies and Sephiroth walks in)

Sephiroth: Awww thats what happens when you forget to level up!!!

THE END
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YOU BETTER TAPE THIS KIDDIES WE GOT ALL YOUR FAVORITES!!

From: Rappy28 | Posted: 1/27/2004 11:12:48 AM | Message Detail

Yours are awesome DefCon... Keep up the good work !
---
"I don't know what you're on� but hey, can I have some too ?" -Me. Actually I must have stolen it from someone else�

From: Cromage | Posted: 1/27/2004 11:50:09 AM | Message Detail

.... Sigh..... nuts humor, amazon humor, and bust-size humor. Not my best work..... ;_;

*spoiler?*

*scene opens. Aeris is kneeling in the City of Ancients, praying. Sephiroth drops from the sky, sword at the ready*

Aeris: ??? *counters swordblow with staff, and follows up with a counterstrike that places the end of her metal staff just under Sephy's nuts as he falls to the ground*

Director: CUT!!! Aeris, you're supposed to be stabbed!

Sephiroth: *curled in fetal position*...... Medic....

Aeris: Shaddap, you silver-haired sissy! *turns to director* And what if I don't want to be stabbed?

Director: *sighs* Look, the gamers expect it.

Aeris: Expect what? That I'm supposed to be killed with a simple sword slash just because I'm a GIRL? That does it!! AIIIEEEEEE-YAAAAA!!! (Xena cry) *chases after director*

Sephiroth: The..... pain......

Cloud: *walking over* Man, that doesn't look curable. But don't worry. I'll apologize to your girlfriend for you.

Sephiroth: ....... *whimper*

*Off-stage*

Director: No, Aeris, stop! No, wait! That staff doesn't go there! AIEEEEEEEEEE!!!

*On-stage*

Cloud:....... looks like I'll be comforting two women tonight. Heh, heh, heh.....

Tifa: WHAT?!?! *beats the crap out of Cloud*

Barret: Err.... Tifa..... your..... y'know. *points to a weighted bra in Tifa's hands that she was using to beat Cloud with*

Tifa: Aww, dammit.

Barret: Wait 'til the fanboys find out. *snicker*

---
"Cromage remains as violent as ever. I feel like I'm either in a B movie romance or a slasher flick. Or both."--Villainous Magus

From: excelerator3F | Posted: 1/27/2004 12:49:50 PM | Message Detail

(first scene at the Gold Saucer)

Aeris: Yay! Let's go play!

Barret: Don't feel like playin no ****in games.

Aeris: Oh come on------

Barret: You startin ta piss me off *****, you betta shut the **** up...

Aeris: Ok ok...jeez, weeeellll...we're gonna go play and have lotsa fun, it's too bad you can't co--

Barret: /&"$#&"/$#"#$!!!

*shoots her*

Ass: Well, at least we've saved on film.
---
I kill for fun, and I'm feeling pretty bored right now...

From: KoopaKid | Posted: 1/27/2004 2:01:35 PM | Message Detail

ROFL at Defcon!!!
---
[www.acrossthesky.com]

From: KoopaKid | Posted: 1/27/2004 2:18:59 PM | Message Detail

I'll have a go at it.

(SPOILERS)
(When Cloud first is working for AVALANCHE)
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Barret: Yo! This your first time in a reactor?

Cloud: Yes.

Director: CUT!! You're supposed to say "No, I did work for Shinra. Inc".

Cloud: B-B-But...

Director: Action!

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Barret: The planet's full of Mako energy. People here use it everyday. It's the
candy of this planet. But Shinra keeps suckin' the candy out with these
weird machines.

Director: What the!? Barret! What candy!?

Barret: *fixes eyes off of vending machine* Hey...When's our lunch break?

Director: Action! And make it right!

Cloud: I'm not here for a lecture. Let's just hurry.

Barret: That's it! You're comin' with me from now on.

Barret: Little by little the reactor'll drain out all the life. And that'll be
that.

Cloud: It's not my problem.

Barret: The planet's dyin', Cloud!

Cloud: The only thing I care about is fishin'.

Director: I need to retire...Fast...

Barret: When we blow this place, this ain't gonna be nothin' more than a hunka
junk. Cloud, you set the bomb.

Cloud: Shouldn't you do it?

Barret: Jus' do it! I gotta watch to make sure you don't pull nothin'.

Cloud: B-But...What if I aciddently-

Barret: SHUT UP and PLANT the BOMB!

Cloud: Alrighty. *plants bomb on Barret*

Barret: What are you doin'!?!?

Cloud: The script says "Plant bomb on Barret".

Director: Umm...

Barret: Get it off!

*Cloud takes off bomb and throws it at Barret*

Barret: Why are you giving this ta me?

*Barret throws bomb towards Yuffie*

Timer: 01.

Yuffie: Uh oh.

---
[www.acrossthesky.com]

From: Neocrusader | Posted: 1/27/2004 2:22:21 PM | Message Detail

remember the time when seph chucked his destroy materia at cloud in the library? i've always wanted cloud to just catch that thing and say "thankyou!"

From: MartialMonkey | Posted: 1/27/2004 5:54:43 PM | Message Detail

I'm not going to attempt this or I'll make a fool of myself but someone should do a blooper involving that freaky stalker in the desert prison under the golden saucer.
^ Otherwise known as a poorly disguised BUMP :P
---
SSBM Master: 290 Trophies (PAL version)

From: Mystical Monkey | Posted: 1/27/2004 6:13:22 PM | Message Detail

heres 1 for the stalker.

Cloud: ya now, that man seems to be persuing at a rather rapid pace.

ff7 cast looks at cloud

Cloud: Oh yeah. POTATOES ARE FUNNY!

Director: Hey John. Come here.

John: Yes sir?

Director: Take this gun, shoot me three times in my head, twice in my heart, and once in my balls.

John: Ok

John blows of the directors balls

Director: Oh god.

Cloud: Mr. Director, don't u know i can HEAL!

Director: Someone kill him. Please.

Director: *^*^$(^**&^%$#$%^&*(&^%$%^& Back to the movie.

Cloud: I think that man is a little wierd.

Man: Made any friends yet? I can be a friend for you.

Man drops pants.

Cloud: Why is your *Cough* so little?

Man: Nuclear Accident.

ff7 cast excluding Cloud: That explains Clouds condition.

Cloud is twitching on the ground

TIfa: . . .

Tifa Kicks cloud in the groin

Cloud: HAHA! Tifa. In a video game we have no genitalia!

Tifa: What about my Big A$$ knockeers?

Cloud: Implants.

Tifa: ARE NOT!

Cloud: ARE TO!

Barret: Well why Cloud is arguing with Tifa bout her watermelons, lets discuss a strategy.

Yuffie: Well I have a strategy. You see, you give me all your materia, and i...

Barret: Nope. How bout we knock out this guy Humpin mah leg?

Barret knockes out the sstalker.

Cloud: ARE TO!

Tifa: Hey Guys watch this.

Tifa: Hey cloud. You Like Men!

Cloud: Do to!

Barret: Let me try. Hey Cloud! You Like Women!

Cloud: Do not!

Tifa: Wow this is to good to be true.

Thanx to Defcon99 for writing hilarious stories.
---
http://nightmist.co.uk
The best online game in the world.

From: supergamefan | Posted: 1/27/2004 7:40:09 PM | Message Detail

Batttle Against Dyne
barret=WAit a min you mother !@#$*
Dyne=You B@$tard
Barret=You Dumb copycat
Dyne=For that insult ill blow ur fat head off ur Fat black A$$
Barret=OH NO YOU DIDNT YOU SON OF A (BOOM)
Dyne got turned into dust=barret
How?=Cloud+Tifa
(Holds out Mentos)
Barret=The freshmaker
Tifa +cloud Give him a thumbs uP

From: supergamefan | Posted: 1/27/2004 7:55:04 PM | Message Detail

In the middle of now where
Cid= Who Idiot Cloud yoour spiked head brain got us lost and the bronco sank and the bronco blew up
Directer=CUT!!!!
Cid+Cloud=WHAT!?
Director= Dont tell me cloud got us lost again?
Cid=.....Ok i wont tell you-How come its only use three anyway
Director=Aeris=caught a cold
Barret=Has the flu
Cait sith never showed up same with yuffie
Tifa=had a sore throat
and Red has fleas and vincint did not give a care
Cid=he he he
Cloud and cid look at each other knod and Pull there weapons and attcked the Director
His Guts are everywhere
Cloud=Thank The Ancients that he is dead
I was screaming KILL HIM in my mind=Cid
At cosmo canyon)

Cid=Two Whisky please and two burgers
Waitress=Two whiskys and Burgers Theyre for the customer this time
Chef=The Customer Ill boil The customer and boil him in hot oil and rip out his {Cid+cloud Appears Behind him}
I mean Yes for the Customer
Cid=You better cook em
Cloud=Life couldnt be any better Cid=Yea

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/27/2004 10:59:13 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: supergamefan | Posted: 1/28/2004 12:51:51 PM | Message Detail

When Cid says who idiot its supposed to say you

From: DJ Master J | Posted: 1/28/2004 4:03:58 PM | Message Detail

Ill try one. Dont know how funny itll be though.
SPOILERS
==========================================
(at temple when Aeris is stabbed)

Cloud: Hey look its Aeris!
Tifa: Dont look to exited Cloud.
Aeris: Cloud! Its terrible! I saw Serhiroth in a vision and...
Cloud: What?
Aeris:.....
Vincent: Spit it out already *****!
Aeris: And.....he was sleepig with Tifa!!!
(Dum dum dummmmm!)
Cloud: What! Tifa you said you were a virgin!
Tifa: Its true! But Seph had such a tiny-
*Sephiroth comes down and stabs Tifa*
Seph: She was a ***** anyway.
*Tifa falls, but bounces back up couse of her boobs and knocks Seph off a ledge*

All: O.0!
Directer:....Cut! Print! Game over peoples.
---
Random thought of the Day:

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/28/2004 9:57:06 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/28/2004 9:58:46 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/29/2004 3:34:18 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: bayside player | Posted: 1/29/2004 5:35:46 PM | Message Detail

Defcon keep it up! your's are brilliant.

other people- don't be afraid to post your bloopers!

i would but none of mine are successful so there is no point.

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/29/2004 7:48:21 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/29/2004 11:37:42 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: kamikaze NOW | Posted: 1/30/2004 5:47:48 AM | Message Detail

Those ones are funny! I'll try one.

Sector 7 Plate Scene, Take 1

Reno: It is time...(runs off, bumps Tifa over, and leaps off the Plate)

Cloud: What the hell did just do?

Barret: He leaped off the @#$%&en plate! That's what he just did!

Director: Now, Tseng will catch him with his helicopter, and will hold Aeris as hostage...

Tseng: Huh? I'm still here.

Director: Wait...if you are still here, then...

*SPLAT*

Director: Oh well...Rude, you have to do Reno's part because he just died.

Mysterious voice: I'm still alive you know...

Cloud: (Grabs his head) Did you hear something?

Barret: It's alright Cloud. You're just hallucinating again.

Tifa: And the moral of that story is: don't take drugs when you grow up kids, or else you're gonna end up...like THIS!

Director: CUT!!!

Take 2

Rude: It is time...(runs off, bumps Tifa over, and leaps off the Plate)

Tseng: Wait...I don't get this. It says on this instruction manual...

Director: TSENG! What the hell are you doing?

*SPLAT*

Cloud: (leans over the Plate) Rude? Are you okay?

Rude: I'm fine, I guess. Funny...I don't feel that hurt for some reason.

Mysterious voice: That's because you just landed on me...

Rude: Oh! Sorry Reno...

Director: CUT!!!

Take 3

Elena: It is time...(runs off, bumps Tifa over, and leaps off the Plate)

Tseng: Alright! I finally figured out how to fly this damn thing! (takes off) Now...how the hell do you steer this thing...

*slicing sounds*

*screams*

Cloud: Did I hallucinate again? I swear I heard Elena getting sliced by the helicopter blades...

Tifa: ...Yep...you hallucinated again.

Barret: ...Did you buy those cigarettes off Cid again?

Director: CUT!!! We're running out of people to play the part...

Take 4

Palmer: It is time... (runs off, bumps Tifa over, and leaps off the Plate)

Tifa: OUCH! That fat piece of @#$%&!

Tseng: Finally! I learnt how do drive this stupid thing!

*Palmer grabs onto the helicopter*

Tseng: Huh? Why are we falling? (takes out manual) Maximum weight...96232179 KILOS? ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rude: Sorry about that Reno...

Reno: It's alright...at least we didn't get splattered into the ground...(looks up)

Rude: ...You were saying?

*SPLAT*

Director: CUT!!! Damn...I guess we have to skip this scene.

Cloud: Wait...I wanna loot Reno for that Touph Ring I wanted.

Tifa: Pass me that Minerva Band Cloud...and that Ziedrich too.

Barret: I wouldn't take that if I were you...Palmer sat on it with his fat @#$%& when he fell...

Cloud: Oh, yeah...
---
The prologue of my death is written...I know why I will die, but I am reading the next chapter to see how I will die.

From: bayside player | Posted: 1/30/2004 6:04:22 PM | Message Detail

*bump*

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/30/2004 6:07:09 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: omegavivi | Posted: 1/30/2004 7:00:30 PM | Message Detail

Cloud:Nooooooooooooo Aries!

Areis:What.

Sephiroth:Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh(misses and stabbes cloud in the foot}.

Cloud:Jesus Christ that hurts.
---
"I have a solution one nation under Canada above Mexico"-Robin Williams

From: FyReStOrMm | Posted: 1/30/2004 7:14:07 PM | Message Detail

(Cloud's Flashback to Nibelheim w/ Sehpiroth)

Tifa: "Cloud, did you go into my house?"

Cloud: "...Yes. I went into the room with the purple velvet sheets, and I went in the drawers. Underwear was in it, so I took one out and took a big whiff of it. Man, your underwear smelt good."

Tifa: "...uh....ok...what color sheets were there again?"

Cloud: "Purple velvet."

Tifa: "Um...yeah...that's my mom's room..."

Cloud: "..."

From: FyReStOrMm | Posted: 1/30/2004 7:44:20 PM | Message Detail

Is anybody still here?

From: screw yourself | Posted: 1/31/2004 7:37:21 AM | Message Detail

BUMP
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Your resume is a death wish-Jaken(Inu-Yasha

From: omegavivi | Posted: 1/31/2004 12:03:27 PM | Message Detail

Cloud:Oh my god is that Emrald weapon.

Tifa:Pop tarts.

Barret:Yes it is Emrald weapon.

Cloud:I think I just pissed my pants.

Tifa:Pop tarts.........

Barret:I don't want to go back in his pocket after that incedent.

---
"Do you want to be on a box of Wheaties? No... Count Chocula"-Robin Williams

From: excelerator3F | Posted: 1/31/2004 12:09:15 PM | Message Detail

Ahhh...lemme give it a shot.

(when you meet Red)

Tifa: It talked!?

Red: I'll talk as much as you want later...if you know what I mean.

Tifa: Talk is cheap, you got anything down there?

Red: More than what you've got up there missy, and this tail of mine isn't just for show...

Tifa: OK let's kick the crap outta this boss and get busy.

Aeris: Hey! He's mine *****! I'm the one that's supposed to mate with him!
---
I kill for fun, and I'm feeling pretty bored right now...

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From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/31/2004 12:33:45 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: excelerator3F | Posted: 1/31/2004 12:42:51 PM | Message Detail

Yeah I feel ya, all of mine suck as well, seems like I don't have comedy spoof talent...
---
I kill for fun, and I'm feeling pretty bored right now...

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 1/31/2004 1:42:43 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: scucloud3 | Posted: 1/31/2004 2:52:42 PM | Message Detail

cloud goes to cast KOTR on safer sephiroth and instead of the knights a small flock of pigeons fly over and peck away at him

i dunno i jus like pigeons and kotr ><
---
Metallica cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/gentopic.asp?board=11729
IM http://cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/gentopic.asp?board=13383

From: FollowHisCreed | Posted: 1/31/2004 5:49:40 PM | Message Detail

Spoilers in this direction

~The Escape from Shinra HQ~

Cloud: ::speeds past the camera::

Tifa and Aeris: ::hop in the front of the vehicle, and slam their doors::

(Yelps are heard, then thuds.)

Director: ?? What happened..!?

Tifa and Aeris: ::are weeping with their heads against the vehicle doors:: MY HAIR'S STUCK IN THE DOOR..!

~The Weapons Are Released~

(The Weapons fly past Cid's airship, The Highwind.)

Tifa: ::falls over::

Barret: ::rushes over, and, without meaning to, steps on her neck::

Tifa: ::wheezes like a squeak toy::

Director: Sweet mother of-- Barret!!

Barret: .....my bad..!

(The Next Day)

Tifa: ::appears on the set wearing a neckbrace::

Barret: ::tries to stifle a snicker:: ......ya' know, when I took my dog to the vet, he got a brace that-

Tifa: ........

Barret: ....

Tifa: .............................RUN.

Barret: ::runs away with his arms flailing about like a little girl with Tifa in pursuit::

~Nibelheim Flashback~

Director: Alright, now I want for you to be full of rage; wrath.. These people are ants to you; they mean nothing, but they think that they are worthy of your character's 'Godliness'.. And this Jenova thing, it's your mother; you belong at her right hand above all of them. They should bow to you. Got that?

Sephiroth: ::shifts uncomfortably, trying to get into character:: Yeah, yeah, I think so.. ::straightens his sleeves::

Director: Alright. Here, you show your disgust for them, and rip the barrier that stands between you, and your mother.. Can you do that..?

Sephiroth: ::looks up, and closes his eyes:: Ahh... ::breathes in deeply, then exhales:: Whooo... Okay, let's do this..!

Director: Alright..! Aaaaaand... Action!

Sephiroth: Thooooose stupid tricksy humans...! ::tears away the Jenova angel barrier:: ...always trying to steal the planet... from Preeeciooooous.... ::lovingly strokes the glass cylinder that Jenova's in::

Director: ....maybe we weren't on the same page after all..

~Yuffie's Betrayal~

Yuffie: ::sniff-sniff:: P-pull that switch.. on the right.. ::sniff::

Cloud: .... ::pulls the switch on the right::

(A cage falls from the ceiling.)

Cait Sith: ::is split in half by the cage::

Cid: ::cigarette is knocked from his mouth:: MY CIG!!! ::tries to lift the cage::

Director: !? Good God! There were supposed to be marks on the ground for you people to stand on..!

Cid: My cig's being crushed..!

Yuffie: ...he did it..!

Cloud: ..?

Director: Look, someone get that cage back up, and put some decent markers on the ground-- WHOA!

Cigarette: ::catches the floor on fire::

Director: Evacuate immediately, everyone get OUT!!

Cloud: Cid, c'mon..! I'm certain that you can squeeze through the cage..!

Cid: ...my cig's been wasted..

Tifa, Cloud, and Vincent: ::pull Cid from the cage, and out of the studio::

Tifa: Cid, are you alright..?

Cid: ......... ::looks into the flames where he lost his cig::

Vincent: Snap out of it! ..at least you're alive..

Cid: ..yes.. but why..?

Cait Sith: ::in half, and burning:: ..geez. Poor guy.

~Kingdom Hearts~

(Alright, it's not FFVII, and I haven't even played Kingdom Hearts, but at this point, I don't really care; I've gotta get it out of me.)

Sora: ...Cloud.. I've gotta tell you something..

Cloud: What is it..?

Sora: ... ::looks over at Aeris, then Sephiroth, and back to Cloud:: ...I see dead people..

Cloud: ....

Sora: They aren't just lying around.. they're walking around.. like normal people.. They don't even know that they're dead..

Cloud: ......you watch too many movies, kid.

From: FollowHisCreed | Posted: 1/31/2004 5:52:59 PM | Message Detail

Oh yeah, I only read the first two or three pages of these, so if I used the same ideas as anyone else; I didn't mean to.

From: excelerator3F | Posted: 1/31/2004 5:53:54 PM | Message Detail

The Kingdom Hearts one is the best so far, I LMFAO at that one, and yes I've played it.
---
I kill for fun, and I'm feeling pretty bored right now...

From: assasyn911 | Posted: 1/31/2004 7:08:58 PM | Message Detail

Final Fantasy VII... ARFENHOUSE STYLE!!!!!1!1@!
Nibelheim, The Truth

(Cloud dashes toward the Nibel Reactor, enters and makes his way to the room where Tifa and Sephiroth are struggling.)

Sephiroth: LOLOLOL U CNAT HANEDL MY SORRWD CUZ U SUKC!!!1!1
Tifa: DAZ IT, I BAT U!!!!!!111

(She dashes at Sephiroth, where he proceeds to take the sword from Tifa easily and slashes her chest, and she falls, bouncing down the stairs. He goes through the door.)

(Zack enters the room and sees Tifa lying on the floor.)

Zack: WTF, U KILL MY GIRLFREEN, SEHPIRHTO

(Zack runs up the stairs and disappears into the room where Sephiroth entered.)

(Cloud then enters the previous room. He sees Tifa dying on the floor and rushes towards her.)

Cloud: HANG ON, TFIA
Tifa: CLOUDZ HEER
Cloud: LOLOLOLOLOL
Tifa: I can g0 4 sum szexz
Cloud: *hump*

(Zack then flies out the door and hits a wall)

Cloud: SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!1111

(Cloud takes Zack's Buster Sword and runs inside the room, where he runs up behind Sephiroth and stabs him in the back.)

Sephiroth: lol plz, u r a w33kling
Cloud: *** U SPHE U RIUN MAH SZEXZ
Sephiroth: silenz! i am h33r 4 my m0m
Cloud: ALRYT TEN, BEST 2 OWT OF #!!!@!1
Sephiroth: silly

(Sephiroth walks out of the room, ignoring Cloud. He walks past Tifa and Zack, with Cloud close behind. He finally decides to do something about Cloud and stabs him through the chest as he runs at him, and lifts him up on his sword.)

Cloud: OWWOOWOOWOWOWOOWOWWOOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWWOOWWOW
Sephiroth: st0p f0ll0win m3 plz

(Cloud suddenly gets miraculous strength and pushes himself back down, and he throws Sephiroth off the bridge they were standing on.)

Sephiroth: OMIGOD I AM DEAD. *red desintegrate*
Cloud: H33L PLZ

Error message

assasyn911: What, we ran out of film!
Exystence: Not again. *shakes head*
Organized Konfusion: You know what that means.
assasyn911: I sequel then?
Exystence: Another sequel then!!
OK: There shall be no end to the horror...

END!

{SMALL NOTE: I don't actually plan on making a sequel, but just maybe I might, if people liked this... Oh, and of course, this was based on Arfenhouse. Check out the actual thing, it's much funnier than this anyway. =P}

---
I think it'd be interesting to hear a good power-metal Christian band. They'd talk about dragons AND Jesus. - Max Power

From: screw yourself | Posted: 1/31/2004 7:46:28 PM | Message Detail

LOLOLOLOL!!!R33l nice d00d
---
Your resume is a death-wish -Jaken

From: Steel Grunty | Posted: 1/31/2004 7:48:51 PM | Message Detail

note: I will not be saying clank! in this part

(train sceen)

Director:ACTION!!

Director: um wheres cloud? (sees bloody bone and flesh on tracks)

Director: uh, no one liked the ass, right?

It sucked, diden't it,clank?
---
wining a agurment on the internet is like wining the specal olympics:even if you win, your still retared

From: screw yourself | Posted: 2/1/2004 1:43:56 PM | Message Detail

Somebody really needs to keep this bumped...
---
Your resume is a death-wish -Jaken

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/1/2004 1:47:08 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Makenshi21 | Posted: 2/1/2004 5:44:30 PM | Message Detail

Defcon write some more bloopers yours are actually hilarious... The rest are good but yours are the besty heh.

Makenshi

From: geniusdude89 | Posted: 2/1/2004 6:58:55 PM | Message Detail

(Inside the Shinra Headquarters when you are leaving it)

Aeris: Where is Cloud?

Tifa: Don't worry about it. Follow me
*hops in back of truck and pulls away*

Red XIII: Wait!!!
*doesn't jump in the back in time*
*Cloud drives motorcycle through window onto highway and the truck follows*

Red XIII: I'm screwed.
*Shinra guards break through the front door*

Guard: They're already gone. All thats left is an orange dog.

Red XIII: I am NOT a dog.

Guard: WTF??? That dog can talk!!!

Red XIII: Grrrrr... *SLED FANG!*

*guard sidesteps and red XIII gets stuck in the wall*

Guard: Stupid dog.

*Sephiroth walks down the stairs*

Seph: Do not go in there. *points at bathrooms* Phew!
I just left a load in there. Hey, I thought I killed everyone here?
*seph casts Bolt3+All*

*Red XIII is wearing Bolt ring so damage is absorbed*

Red XIII: That feels good! *breaks out wall* Hey, what is this? *picks up Cosmo Memory* Let me try this out. *casts cosmo memory limit break.

Seph: Fool! That does not hurt me. I am one with the planet. You'd have to destroy the planet to beat me.

*red XIII digs under ground and finds himself in the core of the earth/bottom of norther crater*

*casts Cosmo Memory in core*

*planet explodes*
The End

From: supergamefan | Posted: 2/1/2004 9:02:14 PM | Message Detail

When Cloud Gives The B.Materia To the Real Sephorith
Cloud=Thanks Barret/Red
Red/or Barret=Sure
Cloud=Ok sorry everyone especially u tifa
CRASH)
oops!=CLOUD
EVERYONE=What did u do!?!?!?
Cloud=I Dropped The Materia
The Real Seph=He BROKE IT DAMN
Fake SEPH=SON OF A B!%@&
Well It was for the best=cloud
Um....what do we Do=everyone
uh.. Pulls a Switch er i mean HA METEOR IS HERE=Seph
(everyone Gone)
where did everyone go?=Seph
You Pulled the Everyone Outta here Switch

From: supergamefan | Posted: 2/1/2004 9:09:09 PM | Message Detail

When Seph desguises as Tifa)
Tifa=Barret/red13 we need you
Barret/Red= whats that note on ur arm It says im really Sephorith
Tifa=Thats nuthing
Barret/RXIII=What About the One under it It says No matter what i say im Sephorith
Tifa=Its NOTHING NOW GET YOUR ASS OVER THERE er...i mean Come on No time to waste
Barret/red=ok Tifa
Ha im really Seph=Seph
Ok bye tifa=B/r13
...=seph

From: Slateboard | Posted: 2/1/2004 10:26:15 PM | Message Detail

I posted this Before but....

On the Cargo Ship (Engine Room):

Cloud: "Is it Sephiroth?"
Gaurd:*Turns around and falls*

*Loud thumping noise*

Cloud: "What the hell is that!?"

Sephiroth: "Help me out of here!!! I can't breathe!!!"
---
If a woman bore Miroku's children, and Naraku was still alive, wouldn't his Wind Tunnel Curse be considered an STD?

From: blazingsamurai | Posted: 2/2/2004 4:02:36 PM | Message Detail

bump

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/2/2004 4:07:56 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/3/2004 10:32:17 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: ultimaweapon04 | Posted: 2/3/2004 11:57:52 PM | Message Detail

*SPOILERS*
at the part where Cloud and gang go to Shinra mansion

Cloud:"aha there you are Sephiroth"

Seph:"are you going to the reuinon?"

cloud:"wtf is a reuinon?"

Seph:"ohh..." *throws materia at cloud*

*misses cloud and hits Barret in the head*

Barret: "&%*!!$@TR^%#"

*starts jumping around with hands on his head*

Seph:"....."

Cloud:"....."

Tifa:"......"

Barret:"oww that hurt you &*@!"

*shoots Sephiroth*

Cloud:"oh thanks a bunch,now i'll never get to See Aeris
Die"
Cloud:"ohh Aeris come here...hehehe"
---
"@&%$ !the stupid thing' getting away!,dumb @%$&"- Cid ffVI

From: kincho | Posted: 2/4/2004 12:13:07 AM | Message Detail

Aeris is kneeling at the altar, praying...Sephiroth comes down, masamune ready to spear Aeris

Cloud watches in horror...Aeris keep praying....

Sephiroth, with a look of amusement on his face, tosses aside the masasmune and grabs Aeris by the shoulders...

Cloud continues to watch in horror...

Aeris and Sephiroth stand up and start kissing...

"CUT!" The director calls...
---
"Lets cut him down and shoot him in the head! That !#@^%$^s dead, lets go for the rest!"

From: kincho | Posted: 2/4/2004 12:20:41 AM | Message Detail

*FINAL BATTLE WITH SEPHIROTH!*

*Sephiroth comes down, then falls to the ground wth a thud*
Director: CUT! What happened?!?!
Yuffie: his cord snapped...
*Cloud dashes off, a peice of the string stuck around his leg*
Director:CLOUD!!!

Battle with Hojo....

Hojo: lets see how the jenova cells are working..
*drinks the stuff in the vial*
Hojo: hey...thats not that bad!
*hojo chugs the vial then passes out*
Director: CUT!! now what happened?!?!
*Cloud and Vincent both hide the rat poison they both put in Hojo's drink in their pockets*
Cloud&Vincent: *maniacal laugh* Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!1

Climbing stairs, disc 1, shinra hq.

Cloud: We finally made it...
Baret: Yeah good work!
*Barret slaps cloud on the back and falls down the stairs, grabbing Tifa and Barret on the way down. Then they land back where they started*
Barret: Goddammit!!!!
Tifa: I'm using the elevator next time...
Cloud: Ow...
Director: Ugh..grrr..CUT!!

Cloud playing piano, his memory at kalm

*Cloud plays the piano, then stops, but his finger doesnt move, he pulls on it*
Director: whats going on, get moving!!
Cloud: i...i cant!! its stuck!!
Director: CUT!!

Shinra Mansion

*Cloud walks into the mansion, goes down to find sephiroth, after seeing him cloud runs away*
Cloud: MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!
Director: CUT!

Mideel being destroyed as the lifestream comes up..

*Cloud and tifa are running when Cloud tips over and falls to his side*
Cloud: ouch!!
Tifa: sorry...
Director: cut!

thats about it...ill think of some later....
---
"Lets cut him down and shoot him in the head! That !#@^%$^s dead, lets go for the rest!"

From: kincho | Posted: 2/4/2004 12:44:37 AM | Message Detail

*Plate Incident, Sector 7, Disc 1*
Cloud: What happen ?
Barret: Somebody set up us the bomb
Tifa: We get signal
Cloud: What !
Tifa: blindness turn off
Cloud: It's You !!
Reno: How are you gentlemen !!
Reno: All your base are belong to us
Reno: You are on the way to destruction
Cloud: What you say !!
Reno: You have no chance to survive make your time
Reno: HA HA HA HA ....
Cloud: Take off every 'zig'
Cloud: You know what you doing
Cloud: Move 'zig'
Cloud: For great justice

*Wazzap!*
Cait Sith: So 'sup!
Cloud: Wazzap!
Tifa: Wazzap!
Barret: Waz 'up!
Yuffie: whats up!
Vincent: Whazz....up...
Zombie Zack: Waazz! Upppp!!
*rest of them repeat and repeat over and over coz they r ediots*

*Reno setting the bomb in sector 7 pillar*

Reno: its time...
*Reno runs off...*
*the bomb goes off....*
Bomb: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
Reno: uh oh..
Meanwhile....
President Doofus, err i mean Rufus: a present? for me! from the Turks? i didnt know it was my birthday!
*Opens present*
*BOOOOOOOM!!*
Director: CUT!

*party caught by shinra*

Shinra: take them away!
Barret: i got things to say to you! hold on!
*the turks push them away, when redXIII takes a leak and poop on shinra's floor*
Cloud: hehe, i owe you 5 bucks dont i?
Red: indeed...
Director: grow up!! CUT!!

*after battle with yuffie*

Cloud: guess we should wake her up...
*Cloud walks over and kicks yuffie, she doesnt wake up..*
Cloud: what the?
*Cloud keeps kicking her and looks around, picks up yuffies body, dumps it in a nearby bush and runs off*
Director: Cut!! Yuffie, quit overacting!!
Yuffie: hehehehe.....

*Aeris' death*

*Sephiroth comes down from the roof, completely misses aeris and falls into the water with a splash*
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sephiroth: shut up! i cant find my glasses!!
Cloud: GLASSES?!?!? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Sephiroth:*climbing out of the water* grumblegrumblegrumble...

*Mako Reactor Assault*

President Shinra: What happen?
Shinra MP #1: Someone set up us the bomb.
Shinra MP #2: We get signal.
President Shinra: What!
Shinra MP #3: Main screen turn on.
President Shinra: It's you!!
Barret: How are you gentlemen!!
Tifa: All your reactor are belong to us.
Jessie: You are on the way to destruction.
President Shinra: What you say?
Biggs: You have no chance to survive make your time.
Wedge: Ha ha ha?
Director: ENOUGH! CUT!

---
"Lets cut him down and shoot him in the head! That !#@^%$^s dead, lets go for the rest!"

From: Inter | Posted: 2/4/2004 11:35:02 AM | Message Detail

*SPOILERS*
**At the safe in the Shinra Mansion**

Cloud: "Why.. WHY is there a safe in the middle of a haunted mansion? WHY I ask!!"

Tuvok (From Star Trek Voyager): "Logic would dictate that according to the note left behind by an unknown induvidual, something was left in this safe"

Barett: "Who the $(%* are you?"

Tuvok: "Logic would dictate that-"

Cloud: "Great! You wanna join our party?"

Tuvok: "Logic would-"

*Barett shoots Tuvok in the head*

Cloud: What are you doing?! I liked that guy!"

Tifa: "Let's get back to the safe eh?"

*Cloud opens the safe door*

Cloud: "WOW! A shiny brand new, excellent, wicked new Odin materia on top of a shiny brand new excellent, wicked new key!!!

*Everyone cheers*

Cloud: "Oh, and a scary looking monster"

*Everyone gasps*

Lost Number: "HAHAHAHAH You have set me free, now I shalt kill ye!"

Red XIII: "hmmm"

Cloud: "Ok guys, this fight ain't gonna be easy!"

*Everyone gets ready to fight*

*Red XIII shuts the safe door*

Lost Number: "Hey let me out!!! I've been in here for millions of years!!!"

*The crew walk off*

Lost Number: "This is exactly what happened last time"

*The crew walk down the spiral staircase and into the dark corridor in the basement encountering many fights on the way*

Yuffie: "Hey! It's dark down here, someone switch the lights on!"

Aeris: "What are you doig Yuffie? Get your head out of Tifa's b00bs!"

*Tifa looks up, shocked*

Tifa: "Hey aren't you supposed to be dead???"

Aeris: "I'm not dead!"

Tifa: "But Sephiroth killed you!"

Aeris: "Sephiroth! He could never kill me"

Cloud: "Hey, Tifa and Zombie-Aeris, not now eh? There's a scary looking bat creature asking for a fight"

*The crew get into their fighting postions*

Scary Looking Bat Creature: "Any last words before I annoyingly keep sucking blood from you fools?"

Cloud: "Yeah! Do you wanna join our group?"

Scary Looking Bat Creature: "..."
Scary Looking Bat Creature: "..."
Scary Looking Bat Creature: "...Ok!"

*The crew walk further down the basement and encounter yet another scary looking bat creature*

Cloud: "Wait a second, didn't we just kill you?"
Cloud: "And didn't we just ask a creature that looks EXACTLY like you to join us?"

Scary Looking Bat Creature #2: "I vunt your vlood"

Barett: "You vv.vvv.v.v.v what?"

Scary Looking Bat Creature #1: "I can explain"
Scary Looking Bat Creature #1: "This is my cousins, brothers, sons, cousins, uncles, mothers, son"

*Everyone cheers*

Red XIII: "hmmm"

Cloud: "Great! Do you wanna join our group?"

Scary Looking Bat Creature #2: "Vhat? Hell no! I vunt your vlood"

*Everyone gasps*

Squall: "Ahh, let's just take him anyway"

Cerberus: "CONFIDENT AREN'T YOU!!"

Aeris (looking at Squall): "Who the hell are you??"

Red XIII (looking at Cerberus): "It's...It's me!! Only with three heads!!"

Tifa (looking at Aeris): "Wait!! You're supposed to be dead!"

Aeris: "I'm alive!!"

Squall: "Damn, Eden's probably sent us to another dimension again"

*Squall jumps on Cerberus and the two run away through the wall*

Cloud: "Ok, let's kill this fool"

Scary Looking Bat Creature #1: "No you can't!!"
Scary Looking Bat Creature #1: "That's my cousins, brothers, sons, cousins, uncles, mothers, son!"

*Sephiroth arrives*

Sephiroth: "Hey, guys. You were supposed to meet me about now, down there"
Sephiroth: "Hurry up yeah, it's getting scary down there and these fools in black capes keep following me!"
Sephiroth (looking at Aeris): "Hey!! Didn't I kill you??"

Aeris: "NO!! I'm alive dammit"

Cloud: "We'll sort this out later, right now, this scary looking bat creature wants to kill us all"

Sephiroth: "Can I help you kill them?"

Scary Looking Bat Creature #2: "No! I vunt your vlood aswell"

Sephiroth: "You what the where?"

*Sephiroth stabs the scary looking bat creature*

Sephiroth: "Haha!"

From: Inter | Posted: 2/4/2004 11:35:37 AM | Message Detail

****[CONTINUED]****

Scary Looking Bat Creature #2: "Why'd you do that for?"

Sephiroth: "What the!? You're supposed to be dead!"

Aeris: "I'm alive for $�%^� sake!!"

Sephiroth: "No, not you, that scary looking bat creature.. Wait, and you. What's going on? Why won't you people die?"
Sephiroth: "And Yuffie, what are you doing to Tifa's b00bs?"

Yuffie: "B00bs? I though they were materia"

Scary Looking Bat Creature #2: "You know what, screw you all, I'm out of here"

*Everyone cheers*

Director: I LEAVE YOU $�"%&^$� ALONE FOR TEN MINUTES AND YOU END UP CREATING A MOVIE!!

Tuvok: "Logic would dictate that since these people are situated on a movie set surrounded by cameras, lights and producers, they are supposed to be making a movie"

*Director grabs Sephiroth's sword and cuts of Baretts arm*
*Director aims at Tuvok*

"Logic would-"

*BANG*

Director: "Wait asecond, he's right, we're supposed to be creating a movie"
Director: "We're moving set"

Assissant: "What do we do with this body? Shall we take it with us?"

Director: "Nah, leave it here, something for Red to pee on later"

Squall: "Ahh, let's just take it anyway!"

Cerberus: "CONFIDENT AREN'T YOU!"

Red XIII: "hmmm"

Barett: "Who the $��$ are you?"

Aeris: "I know who you are!"

Cloud: "You're supposed to be dead!"

Aeris: "I'M ALIVE!!!!!!!"

Tifa: "Yuffie stop that! That tickles (A little lower)"

Yuffie: "There must be materia in here!!!"

Director: "Ok who's the one to blame here?"

*Everyone looks at the Director confused*

Director: "One of you must've done it!"

*Everyone looks at each other confused*

Director: For Timothy's sake, who the $�$^ replaced Cait Sith with a marshmallow???"

Squall: "Ahh, let's just take it anyway!"
---
sL are coming to 0wn you at what you do best...

From: f1madman | Posted: 2/4/2004 11:41:15 AM | Message Detail

*yawns* (at whole topic, not individuals)

---
~!FAITH!~ >>> ~!HONOUR!~ >>> ~!TIME!~ >>> ~!MONEY!~

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/4/2004 3:42:57 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: kincho | Posted: 2/5/2004 4:29:54 AM | Message Detail

Defcon, do a blooper on the junon marching thingy with rufus and the other one, and do one of the place where you encounter the eagle gun and you try to steal a warrior bangle...lolz
---
"Lets cut him down and shoot him in the head! That !#@^%$^s dead, lets go for the rest!"

From: deus terra | Posted: 2/5/2004 11:23:02 AM | Message Detail

OMFG Defcon, you really should write a book about this all

Well not a book more like FanFiction or something ...
---
SOCOM: Mezza _ _ _ _ _ _ MSN: rpg_player_type_4 _ _ _ _ _ _ Clan: \\EEH//
AIM: MezzaGenji _ _ _ _ _ _ E-MAIL: rpg_player_type_4@hotmail.com

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/5/2004 11:09:30 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: the master samurai | Posted: 2/5/2004 11:53:53 PM | Message Detail

ROFL! i havnt laughed that hard in weeks!!!! GREAT job defcon! keep it up.

do one were there fighting the wall in the temple of the ancients please!!!!!!!!! i buy ur novel once you get it published lol!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: ultimaweapon04 | Posted: 2/6/2004 12:00:55 AM | Message Detail

i agree...why don't you have an answer to everything don't you?
---
"@&%$ !the stupid thing' getting away!,dumb @%$&"- Cid ffVII

From: Inter | Posted: 2/6/2004 3:33:30 AM | Message Detail

**SPOILERS**

*Scene where Aeris dies*

Cloud: ...Aeris. This can't be real!

Sephiroth: Do not worry. Soon the girl will become part of the Planet's energy.
All that is left is to go North. The 'Promised Land' waits for me over the snowy
fields. There I will become a new being by uniting with the planet. As will this
girl......

Cloud: ...Shut up. The cycle of nature and your stupid plan don't mean a thing.
Aeris is gone. Aeris will no longer talk, no longer laugh, cry...... or get
angry...... What about us...... what are WE supposed to do? What about my pain?
My fingers are tingling. My mouth is dry. My eyes are burning!

Sephiroth: What are you saying? Are you trying to tell me you have feelings too?

Cloud: No...

Sephiroth Then what?

Cloud: Sephiroth... I am your father.

Sephiroth: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!
---
sL are coming to 0wn you at what you do best...

From: GuitarSk8erBlink182 | Posted: 2/6/2004 7:17:04 AM | Message Detail

vincents awakening- cloud: who the hell is this in the coffin? vincent: i am vincent i was a science experiment put to rest, now go awawy im tryin to ****en sleep here.
Then vincent blows everyones heads off and goes back to sleep.
---
Please save the applause for later, Alejandro

From: Goldmonkey2828 | Posted: 2/6/2004 1:14:25 PM | Message Detail

im goldmonkey2828 honest mistake and if you were talking about someone else....... boy do i look like a jackass
---
"It's not that I'm lazy, I just don't care" - Me

From: the master samurai | Posted: 2/6/2004 2:58:17 PM | Message Detail

bump

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/6/2004 3:10:34 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: bayside player | Posted: 2/6/2004 3:46:31 PM | Message Detail

hey Gold Monkey, what's your website?
i want to take a look!

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/6/2004 3:49:59 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/7/2004 1:24:45 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: kincho | Posted: 2/7/2004 1:53:18 AM | Message Detail

Defcon's funny blooperS remind me of the ones by Darren Shier and Youngju Kim
---
"Lets cut him down and shoot him in the head! That !#@^%$^s dead, lets go for the rest!"

From: blazingsamurai | Posted: 2/9/2004 11:00:28 PM | Message Detail

bump

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/9/2004 11:03:17 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/10/2004 12:16:56 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Alien Mole | Posted: 2/10/2004 11:48:55 AM | Message Detail

hey Defcon, you like Planescape: Torment too?(The ass as hat one)
---
I'll commit suicide! Or die trying...

From: screw yourself | Posted: 2/11/2004 2:29:29 PM | Message Detail

BumP
---
Your resume is a death-wish -Jaken

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/11/2004 8:57:56 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/11/2004 11:06:04 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Alien Mole | Posted: 2/12/2004 5:02:23 AM | Message Detail

It WAS funny, I was just wondering as I have only seen that joke in Planescape: Torment(its a very good pcrpg btw)
---
I'll commit suicide! Or die trying...

Jump to Page: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

First Page | Previous Page | Page 4 of 10 | Next Page | Last Page

From: FFVII Guru | Posted: 2/12/2004 3:26:21 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted by a GameFAQs Moderator]

From: FFVII Guru | Posted: 2/12/2004 3:36:00 PM | Message Detail

^^^^^Oh and I should credit Virus Gift with the 'Aeris can't get her lines right' idea. I hope you don't mind me borrowing it.
---
...It's a stupid name i came up with a few years ago when I thought I was really awesome. Now I just use it because I have enough karma to have some benefits.

From: FFVII Guru | Posted: 2/12/2004 3:37:35 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: FFVII Guru | Posted: 2/12/2004 5:02:03 PM | Message Detail

Wow... Here's my original post(with minor changes) except now it doesn't violate the TOS:

Upon reaching the entrance to the Shinra HQ

Barret: "So Cloud, wut you think we should do?"

Cloud: "Well... if we take the stairs, we can get that elixir."

Barret: "No ****! An elixir? Really?"

Cloud: "Yes. Really... There's just one little problem."

Barret: "What's the problem?"

Cloud: "It's gonna take forever."

Barret: "Oh really now, old chap, you certainly must break your habit of jesting."

Director: "Barret, stay in character. Remember, you're playing an unfairly stereotyped, poorly educated, minority from the Ghetto."

Barret: "Oh, right... I mean, ****, lets jes do the thing."

Tifa: "Hey Barret, weren't you the one who wanted to 'bust on in'?"

Barret: "You better shut yer mouth for' I bust you up!"

Cloud: "Yawn."

Tifa: "Yo, guys, why don't we just bust on in and then later we can just dupe 99 elixirs using the W-Item trick?"

Cloud and Barret: "Huh?"

Tifa: "See, it says right here in the script that no matter what we say about cheating, we will invariably end up exploiting this incredibly beneficial glitch."

Barret: "Wutchyou talkin' bout? Dont go tellin' me wut i'm gon' do."

Tifa: "{under her breath} Geeze... Maybe if I wasn't the only one who actually read the script..."

Barret: "Wut you say?"

Tifa: "Sigh."

Barret: "I said, wut you say?"

Director: "Barret! Give it up already!... Hey, where's Cloud?"

{Cloud returns}

Cloud: "Oh hey guys. I just walked into the lobby and told one of the Shinra employees that I'd slice him in half if he didn't fetch the elixir for me."

Director: "Oh my gosh... Did... did Cloud just do something intelligent for once?"

Cloud: "The best part was that when he got back...{chuckles} I cut him in half anyway..."

Aeris: "This guy is sick."

Director: "Hey Aeris, get the hell outta here!... and why couldn't you say that when we filmed the sephiroth clone in the tube scene???"

Cloud: "Ummm... can we get going?"

Director: "Oh forget it. I quit."

---
...It's a stupid name i came up with a few years ago when I thought I was really awesome. Now I just use it because I have enough karma to have some benefits.

From: Zedzilla | Posted: 2/12/2004 9:27:30 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/12/2004 9:28:22 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: virus gift | Posted: 2/12/2004 10:26:41 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Zedzilla | Posted: 2/12/2004 11:16:46 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Zedzilla | Posted: 2/12/2004 11:17:36 PM | Message Detail

My bad
---
"What are we gonna do up there, buy squid and sushi?" "Yes... if by squid and sushi you mean porn."

From: FFVII Guru | Posted: 2/13/2004 3:25:22 PM | Message Detail

bump
---
...It's a stupid name i came up with a few years ago when I thought I was really awesome. Now I just use it because I have enough karma to have some benefits.

From: FFVII Guru | Posted: 2/14/2004 11:24:17 AM | Message Detail

bump again
---
...It's a stupid name i came up with a few years ago when I thought I was really awesome. Now I just use it because I have enough karma to have some benefits.

From: Cambrios | Posted: 2/15/2004 1:12:23 PM | Message Detail

Spoilers
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Sephiroth drops down to kill Aeris*

Cloud jumps up and intercepts the stab!!!
Slices Sephy's head off.
Cloud: Mentos, the fresh maker

From: Adem | Posted: 2/15/2004 1:33:05 PM | Message Detail

all th eothers but defcons seem to revolve around the same thing
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Oh and that burning sensation you get afterwards means your ass is screaming with joy ~ Pyro

From: virus gift | Posted: 2/15/2004 2:30:17 PM | Message Detail

I assume you mean Sephiroth about to kill Aeris.
---
"Got Milk?" - Dr. Pepper commercial

From: GokuSS | Posted: 2/15/2004 3:44:34 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted by a GameFAQs Moderator]

From: HBK Shawn Michaels | Posted: 2/15/2004 4:13:33 PM | Message Detail

^^^Dude thats not funny, thats just sick...
---
��(`[�*�h�w� M�h��l$*�]�)��

From: Wild Fox | Posted: 2/15/2004 5:06:59 PM | Message Detail

*It's The Battle Against Safer Sephiroth*

Sephiroth- Ha! Take Super Nova!
*Super Nova hits Sephiroth in back of head*
*Sephiroth falls to ground*

Director- Cut! Dammit! Now we gotta get a new Sephiroth

*Kuja walks onto set*

Director- Well OK, that'll do, I guess. Action!

Kuja/Sephiroth- Hmm...Take Flare Star!

Director-(Sephiroth doesn't know...)

Kuja/Sephiroth- *badly injured* Ack! But I won't die alone...You are coming with me! *casts Ultima*

Director- No, No, No! Cut! Get someone better!

Ansem walks onto set*

Director- At least you LOOK more like Sephiroth, lets see what you can do...

Ansem/Sephiroth- This world has been conected...tied to the darkness, soon to be completely eclipsed...

Cloud- Who the hell are you?

Ansem/Sephiroth- There is so very much to learn, you understand so little...

Cloud- (blah blah blah)

Director- o_O This will be a LONG day...

---
Zidane-All s/he thinks about is food. Dagger-All you think about is women. Zidane-Yes, thoughts...of you! Vivi-...

From: GaminGGuY | Posted: 2/15/2004 5:36:45 PM | Message Detail

-Cloud is about to stab Aeris-

Cloud:arrgh...must resist. Wait, I want to kill her. *stabs Aeris*

your 2 party members: WTF!!?!? *they leave*

Seph: HEY! That was my job! You limelight thief!!!

*you are forced to fight seph right there, alone*
---
Snow is racist!! Have you ever heard of black snow? No!! Have you heard of white snow? Yes!!!-Hidalgo Masuki

From: GaminGGuY | Posted: 2/15/2004 5:42:39 PM | Message Detail

-Aeris selling Cloud flower at beginning-

Aeris: Will you buy a flower for 1 gil! Please!

Cloud: NO. You don't even have a flower. You aer just trying to get me to lose 1 gil.

Aeris: No! *shows flower*

Cloud: Cool. *steals flower and runs*

Aeris: No! I NEEDED THAT GIL! *wastes away in slums*
---
Snow is racist!! Have you ever heard of black snow? No!! Have you heard of white snow? Yes!!!-Hidalgo Masuki

From: the master samurai | Posted: 2/15/2004 6:36:55 PM | Message Detail

sephy about to stab Aeris***

Director: cut!!!! this scene has been done over a million times and none of them were very funny!!!!
cloud:cough syrup???duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...............

From: SephirothSolace | Posted: 2/15/2004 8:22:08 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: SephirothSolace | Posted: 2/15/2004 8:23:09 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS, I think.
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(scene in Niblehem)

Sephiroth: I'm not human!

Cloud: Huh?

*cover pops off pod thing*
*Big Pink chocobo is in pod*
*sephy is still not looking at the pod*

Sephiroth: Is this what I am! *points to pod, without looking* IS THIS WHAT I REALLY AM!?!

Cloud: Gosh, well... um... You certainly look like it, though the sword doesn't go.

Director: ...

Sephiroth: *looks at pod* What the...

Director: And... CUT! Perfect! That's a rap. The chocobo was a nice touch. I kinda would have liked the blue spiney monster, but the cute pink chocobo works for me.

*Tifa walks in*

Tifa: Hey chocoy! Where've you been? I've been looking all over for you! Don't be sad cause they didn't put pink chocobos in the game. It's gonna be ok!

Sephiroth: So, um, can I take five? This whole thing with pulling Jenova's cover off and what not is really wearing me out.

Cloud: Yey. This hair gel is about to permanently force my hair into this wierd position. I'm gonna go wash it off.
Director: Ok, take five. We still have to smash Cait Sith though.

Cloud: OO! OO! Can I smash him?!? I'va always wanted to burn that little runt!
---
I'm gonna go and eat lemon pudding through a straw by sucking it up my third nostril. -��h�r�th ��L��
---
I'm gonna go and eat lemon pudding through a straw by sucking it up my third nostril. -��h�r�th ��L��

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 2/15/2004 10:33:23 PM | Message Detail

This is my best attempt at a blooper. hope you like it
~~~Dress up scene for Cloud~~~

Director: Okay, Cloud, your motivation is that some fat guy with strange legs stole your *****, Tifa. You dress up as a

Cloud: wait, whuddya mean, stange legs? are they like octopus legs or something?

Director: Neermind, just have Aeris fill you in, I'm gonn be sittin here hating my life.

Cloud: Wait, where does Aeris come in?

Director: Action!(I need a latte)

Aeris: okay Cloud, just go in there and change

Cloud: (walks in) hey, i don't see anything but this dress, wut do i change into?

Aeris: The dress, duh

Cloud: But I thought we agreed that the whole me dressing up as a chick to turn you on so I cold get you in bed was something we'd never speak about again

Aeris: Cloud! you promised!

Director: CUT!!!

Cloud: wait, did I just sy what I think I said?

Aeris: I need a better agent

Director: Okay, take two...

Cloud: No, realy, I'm sorry

Director:Action!

Coud: So how do I put this thing on? oh wait there we go.

Director: Wait, Aeris was supposed to put it on for you!

Aeris: Yeah, that'll happen. Right after go on a date with Cloud.

Director: CUT!!! Hey, I thought I told you not to flip ahead in the script!

Cloud: Wait, wut does this zipper do?

Aeris: Flip ahead? You mean I actually have to go on a date with HIM?!?!?!

Director: Well, yeah, we didnt trust Tifa, Barret said he'd blast my balls off, and yuffie said she was saving her talent for the materia scene.

Cloud: Hmmm, I wonder if I can keep this look?

Aeris: Look, I am sooo not going on a date wit him

Moogle: hey bob, I'm here for the auditions

Director: what the **** are you? The auditions are over.

Aeris: Hey, lets replace Cloud with this guy. this ones kinda cute

Cloud: You know, maybe on scene sixteen, i should take the group room and get the bikin briefs. not to mention have fun

Director: can we get rid of the fuzzy white bear/bat?

Aeris: I'm still not helping him with the dress.

Moogle:well hey, if I'm not wanted here, I'll call my attourney

Cloud: Hey, can I wear a diaper? It's something I've alwasy wanted to do.

Aeris: oh god, can we please kill him off instead of me?

Director: I dont get paid enough to do this job

Tifa: (Sticks her head in the door) Hey, can we hurry it up? this corneo guy is really freaking me out

Director: okay, everybody, take five.

(To Be Continued)
---
Why is it no one ever pays attention to me? Hello? Hey, are you listening to me?

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/15/2004 11:24:13 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Master Wailord | Posted: 2/16/2004 1:46:37 AM | Message Detail

lol! bump
---
All living things kneel before your master!
-Metal Sonic-

From: DaRkClOuD611 | Posted: 2/16/2004 4:49:17 PM | Message Detail

Palmer:(makes funny face and runs when truck hits him)

People from truck: Umm..you guys ordered these big dragon costumes?

Director:Hey...thats not a bad shot...leave that in!

Palmer:WHAT! But its humil-

Director:I SAID IT STAYS!!

Palmer:Oh....ok....

Director:Ok People lets take a brake..cloud go shine that sword, barret you can take off the gun...

Barret:GOD! Finnaly...look at mah hand!!I knew i shouldve taken the Dio part...

Director:Hey Aeris..be a dear and get me some tea..

Palmer: OOOH!! TEA!! ME TOO PLEASE!! And make sure u add lots of lard!!

15 minutes later....

Director: Ok Folk lets try the Aeris Death Scene...and Action!!!

Sephiroth falls from the ceiling and sword goes through Aeris

Director:Ok beautiful...from the start folks...Aeris...AERIS?..Seph where did ya get that sword from?

Sephiroth: From the V.D.W.R. room...

Director:WHAT!!! THATS THE VERY DANGEROUS WEAPONS ROOM!!!

Sephiroth:Oooh...i though it meant Very descriptive weapons room.....

Director: Awww gawd....put up new posters for a Aeris girl...

Cloud:What about the body?

Director:I dunno...dump it in a lake or something....Im taking mah brake...

Cloud and Zack hanging out..

Cloud:Hey zack, whats up?

Zack: Oooh man...had to many cocktails....

Cloud:Told ya to lay off them things...

Zack:*BARF*

Tifa:EEEEEEWW! Like..disguisting!!!

New Aeris Girl:And umm...your supposed to be mah man....like now way...find yourselves a new girl

Director:NO NO!!! Umm...lets sayyou get with cloud!! We can Kill Zack off!!OK?

Tifa: WHAT!!! BUT CLOUD IS MINE!!!

Director:Ooooh boy....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey..i tried...
---
"........."-Cloud FFVII

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 2/17/2004 11:49:51 AM | Message Detail

hey, i dont know if anyone liked my last post, so i dont know if i should post the rest of it
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Why is it no one ever pays attention to me? Hello? Hey, are you listening to me?

From: virus gift | Posted: 2/17/2004 9:58:59 PM | Message Detail

Any blooper is a good blooper
---
"Got Milk?" - Dr. Pepper commercial

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/17/2004 10:05:47 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/17/2004 11:08:29 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: ultimaweapon04 | Posted: 2/17/2004 11:22:11 PM | Message Detail

LOL BEAUTIFUL (does that work?)
---
i am better than you! ^_^
~~~used 3 times!~~~~OMG!!

From: Ambassodor | Posted: 2/17/2004 11:26:06 PM | Message Detail

i don't see why everyone thinks these are funny. theyre just stupid. maybe good for a chuckle but not for praise.
---
"SPOILERS (for those learning the English language)"
Defcon999 before correcting someones grammar

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/17/2004 11:26:09 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: FFVII Guru | Posted: 2/18/2004 8:56:17 AM | Message Detail

well i think these are pretty funny... especially when people point out the obvious control problems... oh man... the stupid skeleton thing that makes it so you can't stop... that's priceless
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...It's a stupid name i came up with a few years ago when I thought I was really awesome. Now I just use it because I have enough karma to have some benefits.

From: FFVII Guru | Posted: 2/19/2004 1:20:48 AM | Message Detail

bumparoo
---
...It's a stupid name i came up with a few years ago when I thought I was really awesome. Now I just use it because I have enough karma to have some benefits.

From: Tboneman | Posted: 2/20/2004 9:32:15 AM | Message Detail

Bump from the dead!
---
"You'd rather NOT know what's behind that
clock..."-On the bottom of the Magic the Gathering card Yoshi6400 made for Clock Spider.

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 2/20/2004 5:03:51 PM | Message Detail

Part two:
They somehow managed to get the first dress up scene completed, and now they are working on the second one.

Director: Okay, is everyone ready to get back to work?

Aeris: yeah, sure, but I better get that pay raise ou promised.

Director: Yeah, sure. Hey, where's Cloud?

Cloud: (outside) YAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME! STOP IT!

Director: ....... What's he doing?

Aeris: ....... hey, you know that pay raise? I decided that I want more.

Director: Cloud, get the **** back in here, we're read to start again

Cloud: (Runs inside) GET IT THE HECK AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEE!

Director/Aeris at same time: Get what away from you?

Cloud: THIS ****ING FINGER! IT KEEPS POINTING A ME, AND I CAN'T GET IT TO STOP! ALSO, THERE'S ALL THESE WEIRD RED ND GREEN FLASHING TRIANGLES ALL OVER THE PLACE!

Director: ................. What finger?

Cloud: THIS FING... Hey, where'd it go?

Director; Okay, that's enough fun for one a day, can we get back into positions so we can finish this and I can get on with my life

Aeris: (laughing at Cloud) So, you think you can do the scene with that big, scary finger after you?

Cloud: I swear, there really was a finger

Director: Aaaand, ACTION!

Cloud: (Coming out of changing room in dress) .......

Aeris: (whispers) Say the line

Cloud: Um, line?

Director: just say what comes naturally

Cloud: So, how do I look?

Aeris: Wow, you came up with that line all by yourself?

Cloud: Hey, shut up!(Grabs sword)

Aeris: ............. Can you really be that dumb?

Director's assistant: shouldn't we cut?

Director: no, lets see where they take this

Cloud: Stop calling me dumb!(swings sword at Aeris and hits her)

Director/Aeris/Assistant: ..............................

Cloud: Hey, why didn't it work? You should be dead!

Aeris: Its a PROP SWORD, you dumb***!

Cloud: .............. oh. can I try again? (swings sword)

Director: (sighs) we're gonna be here a while. Cut!

Aeris: Don't you know what prop means, or are you really that stupid?

Cloud: (Swings again)

Director: Hey, is it too late to hire new actors?

Moogle: (Standing outside)yes! He's ready to hire me(walks in) hey, I hear you are desperate

Director: (looks at moogle)...... Okay, kill Cloud, and you're in

Aeris: (waves at moogle) hey, cutie. Go on and kill him so we can finish this scene

Cloud: Hey, Aeris is my *****! I'll kick your furry little butt!

Moogle: Bring it on, male blonde!

Cloud: Ooooooh, I don't know what you meant, but I'm gonna hurt you anyway

Director: (watching fight) man, I hope that white thing wins

Aeris: Hey, I'm nobody's *****!

Cloud: prepare to meet Knights of the Round!

Director's Assistant: hey, where'd he get that? I thought it was locked up until scene 89

Director: I cant believe Cloud's that dumb

Director's Assistant: What do you mean?

Cloud: Ultimate End!!

To Be Continued
---
Hey, a dead bird *Looks up*

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/21/2004 9:55:39 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/21/2004 9:55:39 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Ambassodor | Posted: 2/21/2004 10:29:47 PM | Message Detail

wow another unfunny post filled with weak jokes that people will praise because you were the one who wrote it.
---
"SPOILERS (for those learning the English language)"
Defcon999 before correcting someones grammar

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/21/2004 10:31:02 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: virus gift | Posted: 2/21/2004 10:47:40 PM | Message Detail

Are you dead inside, Ambassodor?
---
"Got Milk?" - Dr. Pepper commercial

From: Zero17 | Posted: 2/22/2004 12:03:00 AM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(the first reactor raid)
Director: "Ok, let me start off by saying how happy I am to be working with such a great group of actors. I've heard nothing but great things from the crew."

Cloud: "(Ok guys, we can give the crew back their pets now.)"

Barret: "(Damn, I was starting to like the camera guy's cat.)"

Director: "So everyone's read their lines, right?"

Cloud: "What lines?"

Director: "Heheh, good one Cloud."

Cloud: "(Good what?)"

(Cloud jumps off of the train)

Barret: "Follow me, new comber."

Director: "Cut! Barret, the line is 'New Comer'. (Besides, it's obvious he doesn't comb his hair.)"

Barret: "My bad."

(they meet the rest of AVALANCHE and proceed down the reactor)

Barret: "This your first time in a reactor?"

Cloud: "No. After all, I did work for Shinra."

Barret: "These reactors are sucking the life force out of this planet. We've gotta do something or the planet will die."

Cloud: "I'm not here for a lecture."

Barret: "That's it! You're coming with me from now on."

(Barret walks up to Cloud and joins the party)

Director: "Cut! Where the hell did you go, Barret?"

Barret: "Whadya mean? I'm right here."

Director: "Where?"

Cloud: "Haven't you ever directed an RPG before? Only the main character is visible outside of battle and cut-scenes."

Director: "I see...or rather, I don'tsee."

Cloud: "I don't get it."

Director: "Well you see, it's a joke based on the fact that I understand, but I don't actually see."

Barret: "(I don't get it.)"

Cloud: "(Neither do I.)"

Director: "(Actually, I don't get it either...)"

(they set the bomb and Guard Scorpion attacks)

Barret: "Holy crap!"

Cloud: "Careful Barret! Attack while its tail's up! It's gunna counter with its laser."

Barret: "Buh? So...I should attack now?"

Cloud: "No, its tail's up. I said 'attack while its tail's up, it's gunna counter with its laser."

Barret: "Got it. Attack its tail when it counters our lasers."

Cloud: "No, attack its lasers with our tails as a counter. No...I mean build counters with lasers for our tails."

Barret: "I'm confused...So, give our lasers to its tail so that it can counter us with them?"

Cloud: "Yes. I mean...no. Give it our tails so it can laser our counters."

Barret: "Oh, I get it. Tail its lasers so we can counter it."

Cloud: "Right. Don't attack while its tail is up."
---
All who oppose me can go FAQ themselves.

God, that's the best one yet. I was laughing out loud for...10 or 15 minutes after reading that.
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/22/2004 12:05:19 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Zero17 | Posted: 2/22/2004 12:12:48 AM | Message Detail

Meh I just started reading these an hour ago. I've read the first ten pages. So I might find one funnier than that.
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: Zero17 | Posted: 2/22/2004 12:23:02 AM | Message Detail

(Cloud takes the elevator down and enters the hallway area.)

Cloud: �Uh oh, a guard. Maybe he won�t see me if I sneak along real quiet-like��

Shinra Commander: �Hey you! The parade starts soon. Get your uniform on.�

Cloud: �[stops moving] (maybe he wasn�t talking to me�) [continues to creep towards the door]�

Shinra Commander: �HEY! I�m talking to you, the guy sneaking towards the door. Yeah, you. The guy that�s wearing a Soldier outfit. Even though that should mean that you shouldn�t be involved in this at all, I�m still requiring you to be involved. Even though you, judging from your uniform, probably outrank me. That�s right, get over here.�

Cloud: �(better do what he says�)�

Shinra Commander: �You remember the marching procedures? It�s like this. (they show Cloud the marching procedure) You shoulder your weapon when I say to.�

Cloud: �Yeah, whatever, I get it.�

(They get to the alley right before starting the march.)

Shinra Commander: �Alright, it�s your turn. Get out there!�

Cloud: �(starts to march and gets in formation)�

Shinra Commander: �(ok�now�) SHOULDER!�

[Every single soldier turns towards the alley and says �Yes Sir?!�]

Director: �(What a stupid joke. Word play�the writers must be desperate for material�)�

(the soldiers train Cloud for the send-off)

Shinra Commander: �I say square, you do this. Circle, this. Triangle, this. X, this. Right, you turn right. Left, you turn left. Got it?�

Cloud: �No. I could really use some more ti � �

Shinra Commander: �Sorry, but the send-off will begin soon. Let�s move out.�

(they go to the boat dock)

Shinra Commander: �Ok, Junon Send-Off, BEGIN! Square!�

Cloud: �(oh crap, what am I supposed to do?...) BRAVER! (slices the soldier next to him in half)�

Shinra Commander: �(Uh oh. Uhhhh�) Circle!�

Cloud: �Uhhhhhh�BLADE BEAM!!!! (destroys the next soldier and knocks the commander and Heidegger down)�

Heidegger: �Holly crap! Director, shouldn�t you do something?�

Director: �Yeah�TRIANGLE!!!�

That one might be the best...it's pretty good too.
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: FollowHisCreed | Posted: 2/22/2004 12:57:50 AM | Message Detail

~Cosmo Canyon, Cosmo Candle~

Barret: ::staring at the bonfire, wondering if he should even continue his journey, since his AVALANCHE friends have died::
If there's anything that I can do to save the planet an' the people on it, then I'll do it!
::stands up, and waves his arms::

Party: ! ::stares at Barret::

Barret: URRRGH!! I'm gonna do it! Again.. AGAIN..! AVALANCHE'S BORN AGAIN!!!

Cloud: ::claps his hands together:: AMEN, say it again, Brother!!

Barret: I say, HEY!!

Tifa: ::suddenly has her piano, and begins to strike keys whenever Barret says something:: :^D

Barret: I say, WHOOOAA!!

Aeris: HALLELUJAH!

Barret: HEEEEEEEY, AVALANCHE BE BORN AGAIN!

Cait Sith: ::runs off:: I've gotta go confess and repent for lying..

White Materia: ::begins to glow::

Aeris: HOO, I feel that Holy Lifestream comin' over me..! ::passes out::

Red XIII: ...on second thought, I don't know these people.

Party, excluding Red XIII: ::gets kicked out of Cosmo Canyon::

Barret: ::kicks one of the buggy's tires:: Ingrate..

From: Fret Master | Posted: 2/22/2004 2:01:47 PM | Message Detail

dump.............O_o
---
Looks at above poster.......99
Looks at below poster.......66

From: Monkey of the Future | Posted: 2/22/2004 3:11:56 PM | Message Detail

Blooper: Cloud jumps off the bridge and misses the midgar train.

Blooper: Cloud gets mauled by a bear.

Blooper: Sephy jumps down to kill Aeris, but he lands on her stick and rolls around for a while holding his crotch.
---
I think there should be a straw that attaches to the nipple, and goes into the baby's mouth, so no boobie is exposed in public - Bad Religion

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/22/2004 10:35:33 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

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From: virus gift | Posted: 2/22/2004 10:42:51 PM | Message Detail

You tried so hard to make it boring that you made it hilarious.

Actually, the main reason why I said any blooper is a good blooper is to encourage people.
---
"Got Milk?" - Dr. Pepper commercial

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 2/23/2004 5:41:47 PM | Message Detail

I think I'll go ahead and stop, since I dont think anyone likes them, and cuz I dont know if I should pst part three
---
Hey, a dead bird *Looks up*

From: virus gift | Posted: 2/23/2004 5:44:23 PM | Message Detail

Your's is actually one of the better ones
---
"Got Milk?" - Dr. Pepper commercial

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/23/2004 5:44:42 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 2/23/2004 5:44:42 PM | Message Detail

why is it that everyone seems to be using the sephiroth kills aeris scene?
---
Hey, a dead bird *Looks up*

From: Dragonblade541 | Posted: 2/23/2004 5:57:55 PM | Message Detail

It's easy to make actual bloppers from it. Most of the ones here are "That's what could have happened... now this is what really happened" alteration-to-the-story type things. But that's a good thing, Id rather have those.
---
My life is a typo**Violence is not the answer. It's the solution**Life is bad for you. People die from it. My official sign off topic @ board=36497

From: SoulGrasper | Posted: 2/23/2004 7:06:44 PM | Message Detail

Wall Market Scene:

Don Corneo's room with Cloud,Tifa, and Aerith

*Cloud stops on Don's bed*
Cloud: I'll chop "them" off. (Them refferring to his two
lil guys down south)
Don: NO! I'll...I'll... *Looks in his draws*
*pulls out a book with pen*
*Stares at Cloud with dreamy eyes*
Don: Can I have your autograph, PLZ!?!?!
*Cloud is REAL happy and jumps right to it*
*Don runs away*
Cloud: Ok, I'm all done. Now about that killing of yours.
Um...where'd he go?
*Tifa and Aerith hit him in the head*
Tifa: he got away.
*Don runs back in shouting : I made it to my hiding place! They will never find me!*
*Sees them and grins*
Don: Oops I ran in a circle.
*Cloud punches him in the face leaving his autograph*
* A bunch of smoke comes and a big angel with the words "SQUARESOFT" on its shirt entered.*
Angel: HEY! You can't do that! Your suppose to fall to
the sewers!
*Cloud hits it too*
*Angel of Squaresoft passes out*

From: KoopaKid | Posted: 2/23/2004 11:31:16 PM | Message Detail

Defcon, yours was hilarious. Seriously.
---
[www.acrossthesky.com]
Cloud...sign this. It's a contract that says when the war is over, all materia will belong to me.-Yuffie

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/23/2004 11:33:35 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: KoopaKid | Posted: 2/23/2004 11:43:40 PM | Message Detail

Exactly.
---
[www.acrossthesky.com]
Cloud...sign this. It's a contract that says when the war is over, all materia will belong to me.-Yuffie

From: sunder | Posted: 2/24/2004 8:17:18 AM | Message Detail

Cloud and crew are filming in the Midgard church for later film.

Director: " OK every in position? Get a little more light on that flower bed, its not showing up enough in the picture. Camera 3 ready? Ok, actors, get on your marks."

Cloud, Barrett and Tifa are milling around near the pews, getting on their marks taped to the floor.

"Hey! Did you see that!" The director exclaims.

"Cut cut cut!"

Cloud: " I saw it too! I looked like Aeris, and something else also. Aeris isn't suppose to be in this scene. What was that?"

Tifa: " I didn't see anything, what did you see?"

Barrett: " I didn't get paid to work on no haunted set, Im not going to work around no ghosts, you can forget that."

Director: " I swore I saw something. Tim? You see anything? No? Check the lighting, maybe it was a flash or something. Camera 3 anything?"

Aeris jumps out of the flower bed " Booooooooooooo" APRIL FOOLS!"

Cloud and Barrett start laughing, pointing at the director. "Got ya!". The crew start laughting, they were in on it also

Director: " Ah crud! You.. YOU...aahhhh. I was freaking out here!"

Tifa: "Whats going on? What happened?"

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 2/24/2004 10:22:14 PM | Message Detail

Scene three:
Cloud is summoning KOTR

Director: I mean, that materia is a stinkin prop

Director's Assistant:......... oh

Moogle:(rolling around laughing like an idiot) Oh, God, he thought it was real. AAAHHHAHHAHHHAAAAAAAHAAAHHAHAAA

Aeris: Omfg, Cloud, can you be that dumb?

Cloud: (smirking)Yes, behold the power of The Knights Of The Rou...... hey, where'd they go? I said, Ultimate End, I did my pose, wait, maybe I shouldn't have said Ultimate end.

Cloud proceeds to do his pose to summon, but.....

Director, Assistant, Moogle, and Aeris: ..............

Cloud: hmmm, maybe if I...

Moogle: Enough! I will take you down before we lose more brain cells by looking at you

Aeris: (watching the fight) Kick his big, blonde ass, little moogle!

Director's Assistant: Hey, shouldn't we stop this, cause Cloud's losing a lot of blood

Director: Nah, let's see how it ends up

10 minutes later

Aeris: (Crying) how? how could this happen? he was starting to grow on me

Director: wow, that was unexpected

Cloud: And that is why you should always look both ways before crossing the street

Moogle: (sprawled on the floor) uhhhh, so, ooogh, boring, aaagh

Aeris: (looking at moogle) This guy are sick

Cloud: hey, he didn't listen to my story

Director: Wow, I guess you can be bored to death. too bad, I was hoping they'd finish each other off

D.A.: Ummm, are we gonna get back to work yet?

Director: okay, Cloud, get back into the dress, Aeris, get ready, and someone remove the little dead thing:

Moogle: but I'm not......(dies)

10 minutes later
They're ready for the don Corneo scene

Director: Aaand, Action!

Don: And my lucky girl is...

D.A.: (whispering) Are they sticking to the script?

Director: Who cares?

Don: (points to Tifa)this tender beauty

Director: Cuut! you were supposed to pick Cloud! I can stand not sticking to the dialogue, but this!

Don: Hey, that's a guy! I dont work that way, man

Cloud: Yeah, well, look at your legs, man! they're creepy, like glass

Don: ey, **** you!

Director: Stop it! okay, how much cash will it take to get you to work together? how bout 500$ extra each?

D.A.: Psst! sir, we can only afford one of them, not 500$ for each

Director: Dont worry, We'll write Cloud a check

Don: I'll take it, but you better keep that promise

Director: Hey, where are Cloud and Tifa?

Cloud and Tifa walk in with their clothes and hair messed up

Tifa: Oh, yeah, I guess thats why I stay with you

Cloud: Yeah, baby, that was good for you, wasn't it?

Aeris: (getting red in the face) Cloud, we gotta talk! you too, miss Tifa!

Director: well, this'll be fun

To be Continued
---
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair black? Artificial Intelligence

From: michael dude | Posted: 2/25/2004 4:45:06 AM | Message Detail

AWAITING MODERATIONd

From: Shadow Edge | Posted: 2/26/2004 7:41:17 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS!!!!

*After beating Yuffie and she decided to join the party...*

Yuffie: Okay, I'll join you.

Cloud: Wait, we'll think of something to name you.

Yuffie: What? Change my name?!? That's against my human rights!

Aeris: But according to the Handy Book of RPGs, the party can name the newcomer whatever they want. So..

Barret: We'll name you Lara.

Yuffie(Lara): What?!?! this is outrageous! I'm changing my mind, I'll not join you.

Cloud: You can't change your mind.

Yuffie(Lara): How come?!?

Cloud: It's a part of the storyline. The Handy Book of RPGs states that once a character decided to join the party, he or she is opted to join and never change their decision. Unless it's a part of the storyline.

Lara: ... *Forced to join the party.*

*Enters a battle with Midgar Zolom*
Cloud: *slashes Zolom.*

Aeris: *smashes Zolom.*

Lara: What? How come I couldn't use my flame attack!?!?

Cloud: Don't be an idiot, the Handy Book of RPGs said that when new characters join you, they'll lose the abilities they could normally use before.

Lara: Darn it. *attacks Zolom*

Zolom: *dead.*

Cloud & Aeris: *does the winning lap of honor.*

Lara: What are you two doing?

Aeris: Do you live under a rock?!?! The Handy Book of RPGs says that characters should do a winning gesture after a battle.

Lara: Oh okay. *does a winning gesture*

*Enters battle with the boss in the town sticking to Junon (I forgot it's name)*
Lara: Aren't you guys scared??? That thing looks like it can take any of us in a single hit.

Cloud: Don't worry. Phoenix Downs can revive someone who died because of sword impalements, meteor drops, burns, dragon attacks etc.

*Aeris killed by Sephiroth scene.*
Aeris: *praying*

Sephiroth: *drops and stabs Aeris in the back.*

Cloud: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! AERIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lara: Cloud, stop moaning. Phoenix Downs can revive someone who died because of sword impalements etc. right?

---
"You claim to love the darkness. Go then and dwell there for all of eternity." -Alucard

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/26/2004 7:48:43 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Bey | Posted: 2/26/2004 7:51:19 PM | Message Detail

Post it anyway?
---
"The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power."
Julius Caesar, Act ii, Sc.1

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/26/2004 7:52:52 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Yoh asakura kun | Posted: 2/26/2004 8:17:42 PM | Message Detail

(Back when the FF7 characters where kids) Hey look candy! *eats materia*
---
I AM SHARPENING MY KNIFE KUPO!! ~ Moogle that you summon on the world map using the flute

From: Bey | Posted: 2/26/2004 8:22:13 PM | Message Detail

Very nice, Defcon, very nice. I can't quite remember if you ever did knock off Barret, though, so it all works out. >_>
---
"The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power."
Julius Caesar, Act ii, Sc.1

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/26/2004 8:23:43 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Zero17 | Posted: 2/26/2004 9:01:53 PM | Message Detail

I'm going to give this a shot now.

(SPOILERS)

(Takes place at Bugenhagen's place when they first meet him)

Red: Everyone, I want you to meet my Grandpa, Bugenhagen. Grandpa, these are my friends that helped me get back here.

Cloud:S-SANTA?! Santa, is that really you? Red, why didn't you tell me that your Grandpa was Santa?! Oh Santa, I have always wanted to meet you!

Red:....what? Who's Santa?

Cloud:You know who! He's the Jolly Red Giant dude that gives everyone a Reindeer on every morning except Christmas Morning. Wait-no....he gives Reindeer on Christmas morning, and uses gifts to fly!

Bugenhagen:What the hell?

Everyone:...? Huh?

Cloud:Have you guys lost your minds? This is Santa! Good ol' Santa!

Cid:Wtf...is...he...talking about...

Cloud:Wait....your no Santa! Santa lives in the South Pole! Your a fake!

Barret:Cloud...?

Cloud:What?

Barret:Even if there was a Santa....he couldn't live in the South Pole because this world has no South Pole. Come to think of it, it has no East, West, or North Pole Either.

Cloud:Dammit! The North Pole was my next guess, too!

Tifa:Cloud, I used to think you were cool an' all but...your a dumbass.

Cloud:*Looking around like a dumbass while chasing a butterfly* Who what? Did you say something? What's a dumbass? I like sugar! Give me candy Santa!

Bugenhagen:Cloud...what the hell are you smoking?

Cloud:*Falls asleep*

Bugenhagen:well...Red, I must say that you have insane friends. Thus, you can no longer live here.

Red:*Mutters to self* I'm going to kick that Cloud's ass when he wakes up...
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: willythemailboy | Posted: 2/26/2004 9:11:14 PM | Message Detail

Defcon - Sepheroth was behind the eggs at the GS. Barret is still in.

That's me, useless research lackey.
---
The pogo stick was my idea.

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/26/2004 9:12:44 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Zero17 | Posted: 2/26/2004 10:00:34 PM | Message Detail

Can you tell me if mine was good?
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/26/2004 10:03:32 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Zero17 | Posted: 2/26/2004 10:11:44 PM | Message Detail

Woo hoo! Can't type one tonight though. I will make another one tomorrow. *Starts brainstorming more ideas*

I had that idea there in mind for a while, but didn't post it for who knows why.
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: deus terra | Posted: 2/28/2004 3:38:46 AM | Message Detail

bump
really nice work everyone !
this is great to read
---
SOCOM: Mezza _ _ _ _ _ _ MSN: rpg_player_type_4 _ _ _ _ _ _ Clan: \\EEH//
AIM: MezzaGenji _ _ _ _ _ _ E-MAIL: rpg_player_type_4@hotmail.com

From: Angus22 | Posted: 2/29/2004 4:49:03 AM | Message Detail

Ummmm... I'm not all that funny, but I'll try:

Scene in which Barret,Aeris,And Red XIII fight on the elevator)

Director:Okay people,let's try not to make any mistakes this time.

Barret:MiNDBLOW!!!!

Director:CUTCUTCUT!!!!Barret, you were supposed to use Catastrophe!

Barret:But that would have blown up the elevator floor!

Director:(Crap!They figured it out!)

Aeris:Red, do you get the feeling that the director hates us?
------------------------------------------------------------
Crazy Motorcycle Chase Scene
Aeris&Tifa:Oh no!Help us Cloud!
(While driving on the bike,Cloud hits a roadblock that *someone accidentally* put up.)

Director:THANK GOD!!!!!!

Cloud:I'm okay!

Director:GIVE ME CANCER NOW,GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---
"Why...is my finger...turning purple..." "YOU HAVE A STRING WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER YOU ****ING FOOL!"

From: Angus22 | Posted: 2/29/2004 4:50:42 AM | Message Detail

someone say if its funny
---
"Why...is my finger...turning purple..." "YOU HAVE A STRING WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER YOU ****ING FOOL!"

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/29/2004 8:45:44 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Shadow Edge | Posted: 2/29/2004 9:22:53 AM | Message Detail

*agrees*

---
"You claim to love the darkness. Go then and dwell there for all of eternity." -Alucard

From: Angus22 | Posted: 2/29/2004 10:56:16 AM | Message Detail

Thank you very much.
---
"Why...is my finger...turning purple..." "YOU HAVE A STRING WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER YOU ****ING FOOL!"

From: Zero17 | Posted: 2/29/2004 7:27:07 PM | Message Detail

I'm doin' another one.

(SPOILERS!)

(At the Shinra HQ, when Aeris and the others are about to exit)

Barret:I will go on ahead!

*Runs back in shooting*

****$*&#&_! So your going to be THAT way huh?

Aeris:It's me they want. I will give myself up.

Barret:That ain't happening. I'm going to kick there asses.

Aeris:Thank you Mr. Barret!

Barret:Mr. Barret? that ain't sound right...

*Tifa runs down*

Tifa:Barret! Over here!

Barret:Where's Cloud?

Tifa:I will tell you later, hurry!

*They all run over to the vehicles*

*Cloud goes down the stairs on the motorcycle*

Barret:What the hell? Cloud where did you get a motorcycle, and how did you get it running?!

Cloud:(****! He knows that I entered a cheat!*)
Uh, I uh....had it here when I was with SOLDIER. Yeah.

Barret:ok....

*Tifa gets in the truck, and Aeris does too*

*Tifa starts truck up*

Barret:How the hell did you start this old car up without a key, especially since it shouldn't have gas in it?!

Tifa:uh.... Hey, look, They are coming! We gotta get out of here! Cloud, use that motorcycle that you got out of nowhere to get us out of here!

*They drive out the window*

(During the chase...)

Cloud:Hmm...Hey! How am I able to drive a motorcycle and swing a huge sword with one hand anyways? That isn't logical.

Tifa:! Oh my, Cloud has become smart!

Barret:WTF! He actually makes sense now!!!

*Enemies come up*

Cloud:I will cover you guys with this here sword that I can somehow swing....

*hits a guy*

Ha ha! Take that!

*hits another guy*

WTF? I hit you and you didn't fall off!

*Hits twice more*

DIE ALREADY!

DIE DAMMIT!

*Guy falls on his own*

Ok....

Barret:Hey, this road is suddenly ending with for no reason! We should stop now!

*Car stops, Cloud was not paying attention*

Cloud:****! *falls off edge and hits a trampoline, and flies up into the air* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*everyone gets out of car*

Barret: Hey, lets look out into nothingness even though we can hear the engine of a giant robot behind us. And we saw it too. Let's let it do a sneak attack. Yeah.

Aeris:I agree.

Tifa:Yeah. Say, where did Red go?

Barret:Dunno. He disappeared when we saw that giant robot.

*They watch the sunset*

*Barret gets attacked by robot*

Barret:Hey! A giant robot attacked me when I should of known it was there!

*Robot attacks the others*

Aeris:Huh? I didn't notice that thing!

Tifa:...where did he come from?

(Meanwhile, with Cloud)

*Cloud is flying in the air*

Cloud:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *Takes a breath* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *takes a breath* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Hey a Helicopter!

*Grabs helicopter blade*

*Is swinging aroud wildly*

Cloud:WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! STOP THE Helicopter NOW!

Pilot:Yes Rufus sir!

Rufus:You idiot! Don't!

*Blades stop*

Cloud:Much better.... **** we are falling! *jumps in helicoptor* Start it back up!

*Turns around* Rufus!

Rufus:Cloud...

Cloud:You will die!

Rufus:I am not Rufus. I am *pulls of masks* Yuffie!

Cloud:Who? Well I am...uh....*Tries pulling mask off*

**** It must be glued on!

Yuffie:You are Cloud.

Cloud:Oh that's right. I am Cloud.

Yuffie:I am not Yuffie. I am *Pulls masks off* Vincent!

Cloud:Well I am *Pulls hair out* Hairless Cloud!

Vincent: I am not Vincent. I just gotta bunch of costumes of everyone. I could do this for hours. But I am really Rufus. *Shocks Cloud*

Cloud:Ow.... Pilot stop this coptor NOW!

Rufus:...idiot. Now we will both die. Ugh.

Cloud:****! Start it back up!

Rufus:You are really stupid....

*Cloud jumps out and back down to the others without hurting himself*

Barret:Whew! That was tuff!

*ten minutes later...*

Cloud:* OW! I JUMPED DOWN AND BROKE MY LEGS!

Tifa:That was ten minutes ago...you got problems.
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 2/29/2004 7:36:00 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Zak X | Posted: 2/29/2004 9:16:56 PM | Message Detail

*What they're doing off camera...*

Cloud: (Removes hair. He's bald!)
Tifa: Oh my... (Throws up, flees set)
Cloud: What?

(The rest of the party systematically enters the room, and leaves the room throwing up, until, finally Cait Sith shows up.)

Cait Sith: (Twitches violently. Sparks begin to fly out of his body.)
Cloud: You...okay...?
Cait Sith: (Detonates with nuclear force. The cast, crew, studio, and everyone on the entire contentient is pretty much vaporized.)

---
What? You mean I'm supposed to type something meaningful here? IF Gaming - http://www.ifgaming.com/

From: incubdemon | Posted: 2/29/2004 9:49:50 PM | Message Detail

"when cloud gets picked by don corneo"

don: come on dont be shy

cloud: well....

don: i dont bite, come sit here.

cloud: i shouldnt...

don: please.... look it'll be fun.

*clud twirls around and is back in his manly clothes*
**don looks around in confusion**

cloud: now where were we...*sits next to don*

don: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

*cloud cries*

cloud: why does everyone hate me.... im going to go back to the honey bee in with Mukki....

well i tried if you dont know who mukki is than it isnt funny (hes the guy that "does" cloud at the honey bee inn when he passes out... when cloud gets the lengire)

i hope this never happens cloud is too much of a pimp!

---
why dont they make a sequel to FFVII??????

From: FFVII Guru | Posted: 2/29/2004 10:38:14 PM | Message Detail

Zero17, yours was hilarious. Do another one!...

please
---
...It's a stupid name i came up with a few years ago when I thought I was really awesome. Now I just use it because I have enough karma to have some benefits.

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/1/2004 10:54:07 AM | Message Detail

Hey im a new member but i been reain' the boards for awhile now and now that i got my email acount fixed (more or less)and im up to date on this one i jsut wanna say how funny they all are, tho sum arent real bloopers in that bloopers are mistakes by people who know they are making mistakes,
i doubt the characters here have read the script.
---
L.J.S.K

From: Zero17 | Posted: 3/1/2004 6:06:44 PM | Message Detail

Yay! Mine are good!

Ok...now I need a new idea. *thinks*

I'm going upstairs to get an inspiration. Those ideas I got just kinda popped up. *thinks very hard*
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: dark mako | Posted: 3/1/2004 6:20:16 PM | Message Detail

i have a good one but forgot that girl in rocket town name could someone tell me
---
bm-you know what happens when a giant is hit with a fireball? fighter-no what bm-the same thing that happens to everything else fighter-dude that line sucks

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/1/2004 6:24:25 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Zero17 | Posted: 3/1/2004 6:25:42 PM | Message Detail

I just got an idea. Though I don't think it will be quite as long as the others.

(SPOILERS)

(takes place at Mideel, when Cloud is injured, right before falling in the life stream)

*Everyone walks into the hospital*

Barret:This is a nice Hospital. Say, it's the only hospital in this entire world! Freaky....

Tifa:...Why is it that all the little villages get all the special stuff. Yet big cities don't get any hospitals? Come to think of it, this entire world is made of mainly villages. Odd. *Weapon Attacks*

Cid: OH NO! IT'S GODZILLA! RUN FOR YOUR LIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Barret:Wtf is a Godzilla? That's a weapon you numskull!

Cid:Oh. Sorry. I was watching a movie last night. And the clowns scared me.

Barret:What the hell? How does a clown get mixed in with a Weapon? Your making no sense! And how come your afraid of clowns, but you aren't afraid of FLYING?

Cid:Uh...I hit my head as a little boy?

Barret:We were asking you for an answer...not for a question. But hell, that's good enough.

Tifa:Shouldn't we be destroying that weapon?

Red:Right!

*Everyone runs out to fight Weapon*

Cid:Come down here Godzilla! I'm gonna kill you! You killed Carol on that movie last night! She was so hot too! You will pay!!!

Red:Huh?

Cid:Ugh, never mind you incompotent fools.

Red:You don't even know what you just said, do you?

Cid:Nope...now shut the hell up about if before I kick your ass!

Red:*Wimpers*

*"Godzilla"(Weapon) Attacks*

Cid:Take this! *uses Limit*

Red:Where did everyone go? It's just me Cid and Barret!

Barret:Dunno. They just walked into your body Cid and disappeared earlier. That's a creepy thought....

*Everyone attacks weapon, and kill it*

Barret:yay!

Tifa:Why are you acting so happy? Your never happy.

Barret:huh? Oh I just had some sugar. Cloud was right ya know. sugar is good. Very good indeed. I like Santa Claus!

Tifa:OH GOD! BARRET HAS CLOUDENJIDOUS! IT'S THE MADDEST DISEASE EVER WHERE YOU ACT LIKE CLOUD! HELP US GOD!

Barret:*falls asleep*

Tifa:Great. Next Sepheroth will be controlling him.

*They feel the next quake, and find that the lifestream is leaking out*

Tifa:I will take Cloud! You guys get outta here!

Cloud:*Looks back and forth and sounding like a two year old* Pretty buildings, falling! I like this video! I like this video! I wanna watch it again! *falls into lifestream*

Weeee! Green stuff! I like swimming in acid water! wwwwweeeeeeeee!

*In Clouds Mind*

*Tifa talks to Clouds mind for a while

Cloud:Say, don't you think it's weird that...your in my mind?

Tifa:Uh....that's where I am? I thought I was with Santa and this was my pres-OH ****! I GOT CLOUDENJIDOUS! THE WORLDS GONE CRAZY! RUNNNNNNNN!

Cloud:We are the Cloud. We have analysed your offensive capabilities and have found them unmatched. You will be assimulated. Resistance is futile.

Tifa:****! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*wonders if anyone knows where he got that last Cloud line from*
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: dark mako | Posted: 3/1/2004 6:37:54 PM | Message Detail

cid:smoke,smoke,smoke,i love to smoke **** non smokers let them choke,puff,puff,puff,all day long this is why i sing my song(takes huge drag)
shera:cid! i told you to stop smoking
cid:**** you!
shera:okay i'm going the store for 1 hour think you can hold off till then
cid:1 hour!no problem
(7 seconds later)
cid:(twitch)
(1 hour later)
shera:god your so weak,oh stop crying
cid(sob)**** you(has several cigerattes in his mouth
---
bm-you know what happens when a giant is hit with a fireball? fighter-no what bm-the same thing that happens to everything else fighter-dude that line sucks

From: Yoh asakura kun | Posted: 3/1/2004 6:56:35 PM | Message Detail

Aeris death scene.

Cloud: Aeris..... I got news. Sephiroth is about to kill you and I dont know that its going to happen. The good news is Cid saved money on AirShip insurance by switching to gieco! =D

Aeris: .........?

---
I AM SHARPENING MY KNIFE KUPO!! ~ Moogle that you summon on the world map using the flute

From: Rubric Level Dan | Posted: 3/1/2004 6:56:46 PM | Message Detail

"Cloud:We are the Cloud. We have analysed your offensive capabilities and have found them unmatched. You will be assimulated. Resistance is futile."

I'm a huge Trekkie...thinking of Cloud as the Borg is kinda scary. Hahaha.

These are awesome, keep up the good work everyone.
---
*note to self: put better sig here*

From: Monkey of the Future | Posted: 3/1/2004 7:08:36 PM | Message Detail

[Before being gassed at Junon]

Tifa: "Damn, they caught us again. I guess surrendering didn't work"

Barret: "It was Cait Sith's plan anyway. Blame him"

Cait Sith: "My plan did work. We got out of the mountains alive, right?"

Yuffie: But they are going to gas us! And I haven't even stolen all the materia yet"

Tifa: "Let me go first. I can hold my breath for seventeen minuites"

Cait Sith: "But I don't breathe. You could use my..."

Barret: "...Stuffed body to save the world. We know"

Yuffie: "Let Tifa go. When she dies, I can have all of her materia."

Cait Sith: "Why don't we escape through that vent? Looks safe to me"

Barret: Say, why don't we bash your head against the door? It might open"

Cait Sith: "Say - thats and idea! Lets try it"

(About 20 minuites of headbashing later)

Cait Sith: "My head feels sore, stuffing is pouring out of my belly, and my left ear has come off... I feel great!"

Barret: "Why won't the damn door budge?"

Tifa: "Did you try turning the handle?"

Tell me if this is funny or not. And pointers, please?

From: Yoh asakura kun | Posted: 3/1/2004 7:09:45 PM | Message Detail

Cloud and his party(Cloud,Barret,Tifa,Aeris,Nanaki,Yuffie,Cait Sith,Vincent, Cid) go to a random shop.

Random guy: Hey yall want nine gold chocobos for 10,000 Gil each?

Everyone: OK! =D

Random Guy: -gives them GOLD Chocobos and vanish in a puff of smoke-

Everyone: -pokes it- Its a little Fools gold/ paper mache chocobo statue....

---
I AM SHARPENING MY KNIFE KUPO!! ~ Moogle that you summon on the world map using the flute

From: Zero17 | Posted: 3/1/2004 7:18:59 PM | Message Detail

*Tries thinking up another idea*

Hmm....need an insperation.

Someone say something that is about FF7. It might give me an idea. Just something random about

FF7. And if it has spoilers mark it spoilers of course.

Oh, and I was just thinking. We should make a top 5 list. Just copy and paste your favorite one, or tell the post number. Whichever. If you guys want to, I can tally up the top 5. You could vote for one of your own if you truly think it is the funniest. Anyone wanna participate in the top 5 tally?
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: dark mako | Posted: 3/1/2004 7:21:01 PM | Message Detail

was mine any good
---
bm-you know what happens when a giant is hit with a fireball? fighter-no what bm-the same thing that happens to everything else fighter-dude that line sucks

From: dark mako | Posted: 3/1/2004 7:23:29 PM | Message Detail

i would
---
bm-you know what happens when a giant is hit with a fireball? fighter-no what bm-the same thing that happens to everything else fighter-dude that line sucks

Jump to Page: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

First Page | Previous Page | Page 6 of 10 | Next Page | Last Page

From: Zero17 | Posted: 3/1/2004 7:30:59 PM | Message Detail

It was ok. I would suggest spacing it out more, and making it longer with more punch lines and dialogue to make it better.
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: dark mako | Posted: 3/1/2004 7:33:04 PM | Message Detail

at least it wasn't an utter failure
---
bm-you know what happens when a giant is hit with a fireball? fighter-no what bm-the same thing that happens to everything else fighter-dude that line sucks

From: Zero17 | Posted: 3/1/2004 8:10:54 PM | Message Detail

Try another one. And make it longer. You could probably make some good ones if you try.

Oh and I just got another idea.

(SPOILERS)

(Takes place @ the Chocobo Farm)

Yuffie:Mate you damn birds! Mate! We want a gold chocobo!

Vincent:Yeah you damn Chocobo Birdies! Mate!

Cloud:OK! *walks up to Tifa* WARK! WARK WARK!!!!

Tifa:Wark!

Barret:*Walks up to a female Chocobo* Wark!

Yuffie:****! The Cloudenjidous makes them like Chocobos. At least they aren't hatching eg-

Tifa:*egg comes out*

Barret:*the female chocobo makes an egg come out*

Vincent:WTF!!!! ****!

Yuffie:Great.... now the team is turning into WARK! Choco WARK! Oh crap! I got WARK! Cloudenjidous! Wark! *walks up to Barret*

Vincent:Not good... nothing worse could happen. I mean, only over half the team now thinks they are chocobos.

Cait:May I suggest something?

Vincent:Go ahead. Anything.

Cait:Let's attack them! It might Wark some sense into them!

Vincent:...di-did you just Wark?! ****!

Cait:Uh...hey look! They are coming this way!

*Cait and Vincent start attacking*

Red:Wait! Don't! Don't you know what happens when you attack a choco-

*Tifa, Barret, Yuffie, and Cloud along with all 6 chocobos start going crazy pecking everyone*

Red:Where the **** did Cid go? We need him to get us out of here!

Vincent:Speak for yourself.You walked into my body earlier and disappeared. Thanks for helping me defeat Godzilla!

Red:....uh yeah....uh...say, how about we drink some beer?

Vincent:Sounds good. Let's get outta here.

(At a bar Red, Vincent, Cait Sith, and Sid are drinking)

Red:In about 30 seconds, we will be drunk and will become complete dumb asses. It's so fun. I liked it when my grandpa became drunk. It was funny.

Vincent:Yeah. Say, where are the others? I know they are acting like Chocobos..but when we left, I thought I saw them and the chocobos rush out of the barn.

Cait Sith:Oh, they are probably just acting like chocobos. Running around with enemies that should eat them ... but just let them hang around. Wait....****! They could be anywhere by now...and if Sephiroth finds them like that...

Everyone:0_0 ******************!

Continued on next post....

---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: Zero17 | Posted: 3/1/2004 8:11:46 PM | Message Detail

*Meanwhile.....*

Cloud:Wark!

Barret:War Wark!

Tifa: Wark! (I really hate acting like a chocobo...but its' the only way to hang around with Cloud without him pecking me! Wait...how the hell did I lay out an egg earlier.... ****. I got problems.)

*Someone walks up*

Someone:! They have Cloudenjidous! Run! Oh wait...I know the cure for that! Get the new and improved powdered water and feed them the powdered water! Nothing needed to be added to the powdered water! Just gotta add water!

*Adds water to the powdered water*

*Gives them the water*

Cloud:I am the Cloud. I...I....I'm normal? WTF I DON'T WANNA BE NORMAL!!!!

Tifa:Whew! Good! He is normal again!

Barret:What the hell was I doing....

Yuffie:That was scary. I couldn't control myself.

Cloud:Hey, it's Santa!

Someone:Wha? Who?

Cloud:Wait...what am I doing here? Why doesn't this planet blow up right now? What is the cubed root of 64? Why does my head hurt? Am I stupid? Where did Aeris go? Who is William Toll? WTF is a chocobo? Why do I suddenly have the urge to answer pointless questions?

Barret:What the hell?....Cloud are you OK?

Tifa:He is never ok. OK for him is being dumb and obnoxious.

Barret:Yeah but...this is a bit...weird.

*Meanwhile, back with the others, who are now drunk*

Red:I am a sailooooooooooooooooooooor...That's the life for me!

Cid:Another drink sister!

Old Man:For the hundreth time, I am not your sister!

*lady walks in*

Lady:My husband died today. Will you marry me Cid?

Cid:Ok mommy!

*Cid and the lady walk out*

Cait Sith:Why is there a clone of me dressed up as Santa?

Old Man:Who the hell is Santa? And how do you know what he looks like if he doesn't exists in this world? How do I know about what happened earlier?

Cait Sith:Wait Santa! I want my cookiees and milk back! They were just to lure you here! *Drops *

Red:Hey Vince...why is the red moon falling?

Vincent:It isn't. Haven't you noticed that no matter how much time you waste, it never gets any closer?

Old Man:Vincent...aren't you drunk?

Vincent:ZZZZZZZZZZZ *Huge snot bubbles are coming out of his nose*

Red:Ohhhhhh.....I am a sailor, I am a Sailor I am a Sailorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! That's the life for *falls asleep*

Old Man:I am NOT letting them drink here again. They drank all my supplies in half an hour. Ugh...

---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: Monkey of the Future | Posted: 3/2/2004 12:41:03 PM | Message Detail

Here are two short and snappy ones:

===
Barret: Hey Cait Sith, do you think Sephiroth is here?

Tifa: Barret, thats a real cat.
===
===
Cait Sith: I remember seeing the keystone at the g...

(A low rumble, and Cait Sith powers down and falls limply on the floor).

Tifa: Looks like we've run out of time. We need to instert more gil.
===

Tell me how I could improve those.
---
I think there should be a straw that attaches to the nipple, and goes into the baby's mouth, so no boobie is exposed in public - Bad Religion

From: Zero17 | Posted: 3/2/2004 4:16:19 PM | Message Detail

Make them longer...
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/3/2004 5:47:34 PM | Message Detail

I don't care if people don't like them, I'm still posting ~~~Scene Four~~~
A few minutes have passed. he director waits for Aeris, Cloud, and Tifa to come out

Aeris: (Walking out)So we're agreed, Tifa?

Tifa: (walking out)You are a tough negotiator, Aeris. But yeah, we're agreed

Cloud: (walking out) Hey, how come I don't have a say in this?

Director's Assistant: Hey, sir? They're back

Director: (Wakes up) What who..... oh, are we ready to keep going, or should I go back to sleep?

Cloud: Yeah, we're ready. I guess

They get the Don Corneo bedroom scene done without any further interruption. Then, in the sewer....

Director: Okay, Cloud, get to it. Action!

Cloud: Okay, can do (he begins humping Tifa's leg)

Director: Oh, what the hell?!?! Tifa, are you just gonna let him do this?

Cloud: (still working) She's knocked out. I put drugs in her and Aeris's coffee before we started filming

Suddenly, the sewer fills up with a rumble

Director: Ah, must be that monster, What's-his-name"

Cloud: Awww, now I have to get rid of it. Well, at least I have the means to do it

D.A: Sir, that's a real monster.

Director: I know

Cloud: (takes out a handmade book) Sounds like this guy need some "Reasons why you should look both ways before crossing the street"

Director/D.A.:..........

D.A.: Isn't that the same book he used on the moogle?

Director: yep. Plug your ears

Ten minutes later
The monster lays on the ground, whimpering

Cloud: And that's why you should look both ways before crossing the street

Tifa: ( wakes up) who.... where... hey, why is my leg wet? and why is..... Cloud!

Cloud: (runs off laughing)Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me I'm...

Tifa: (Jumps on his and beats him up)

Director: And that's a wrap. So, what scene is next?

D.A.:um... I think it's the..... uh, I don't know, there's a bunch of scribbles and the words "Cloud are smart" written on it

Suddenly, Ruby weapon walks in

R.W.: Hey boss, um, am I too early? I kinda had to get outta my house.....

Director: uh, no, you aren't. Hey, we were about to shoot the scene where you and Cloud face off in a duel to the death

Cloud: (smoking a joint) huh, what?

R.W.: Oh, come on, that's not even a challenge!

Director: Uh, actually....

Cloud: (really high)Come here little birdie

Tifa: Hey, can we get that duel over with soon?

R.W.: So, what's his edge, his weapon against me?

Suddenly, a huge burst of flame erupts from Cloud's Direction

Cloud: Yeah, that's right, you ****ing bird, don't you ever make google eyes at my ***** again!

R.W., Director, Tifa, and D.A.: (Staring atCloud) ooooooookay

To be continued(I need to think of what happens next)

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/3/2004 5:54:37 PM | Message Detail

You guys like? or not?
---
Sure, why not

From: Kucher | Posted: 3/3/2004 6:50:59 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
I unno if this has been done yet or not, cuz i havent enuff time to read through them all, but here goes...

Very final encounter between Cloud and Sephiroth:

Cloud and Sephiroth stare at eachother, whil Cloud's limit gauge fills up

Cloud: *Omnislashes, and misses sephiroth*

Sephiroth: *falls on the ground, and goes into a laughing fit* hahahaha, that was pathetic. Cloud, u suck, how could u miss, i was standing right here, and u hit over there *points to a little bubble 10 feet away from himself* hahaha...

Cloud: *Walks up to Sephiroth, and is about to hack his head off when Sephiroth stabs him in the foot*

Sephiroth:*starts laughing even harder because Cloud is hopping around holding his foot and screaming ouchie*

Cloud: ouchie, thats gonna leave a mark, and if u didnt know, its ur turn todie here, and then i go, and the world is saved...

Sephiroth: *stops laughing, and gets up with a real serious look on his face, and looks at Cloud* What happens if i kill you?

Cloud: Then I die, and its game over, and teh planet dies and...

Sephiroth:*Cuts Clouds head off* Umm, game over, I become one with the planet, and Tifa is all mine, muahahahahaha...

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/4/2004 11:25:10 AM | Message Detail

bump
---
L.J.S.K

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/4/2004 5:18:13 PM | Message Detail

masterbahamut07 yours are soooooooooooooooo funny
that last post made me laugh for 10 mins.
keep going
---
Well, lets mozzy- Cloud

From: supergamefan | Posted: 3/4/2004 11:22:26 PM | Message Detail

Seph and clouds final match
Cloud=he getting gil is harder than you
SEph=oh rly? if u want gil theres a place in Midgar
cloud= o and wheres that
seph=*does the check finger thingy* check into cash
cloud=er? um no seph just no.....

From: supergamefan | Posted: 3/4/2004 11:30:39 PM | Message Detail

WHen rufus comes to shinra Hq
cloud=EX-soldier
barret=avalanche
tifa=same here
red=A experiment
Aeris a flower girl
rufus o wahta cre...im sorry
aeris=Um? flower girl
rufus =i heard ya im just sorry

From: supergamefan | Posted: 3/4/2004 11:31:34 PM | Message Detail

WHen rufus comes to shinra Hq
cloud=EX-soldier
barret=avalanche
tifa=same here
red=A experiment
Aeris a flower girl
rufus o wahta cre...im sorry
aeris=Um? flower girl
rufus =i heard ya im just sorry

At the restraunt in wall market
dress shop owner/DSO=um what Hiccup what yaa want!?!?!
aeris=a dress plz
DSO=Ummmm. who are you?
Aeris=Im DSo= I ALREADY PAYED THE TABBB *FAINt
cloud= hes out
aeris= No @#$% sherlock
DSo=*gets up real quickly* hey Bartender leave a tip for the skank*faints again
Aeris=oops sorry mind my language
cloud hey baby *winks and blows kisses
don coreno isnt the only horeny one Aeris=PLz i 'd rather burn my rotten flesh until man or girl eating worms devour my whole body

From: Zero17 | Posted: 3/5/2004 12:01:12 AM | Message Detail

I couldn't understand those....
---
Ever since Mega Man X, I've thought that Sigma was Elvis Presley. Seriously. o_O - Mega Mew

From: supergamefan | Posted: 3/5/2004 2:22:08 PM | Message Detail

me and my brother share hes a lame-o

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/5/2004 5:16:56 PM | Message Detail

b-u-m-p spells bump
---
Well, lets mozzy- Cloud

From: Th3 Ma7r1x Ha5 y0u | Posted: 3/5/2004 6:16:32 PM | Message Detail

*SPOILERS AHEAD*
.
.
.
.
*Everyone is fighting the final Sephiroth form*

Cloud - "WTF? Why the hell is this ass a ****** ANGEL?" He's supposed to be the complete and utter epitomy(sp?) of evil and he's a DAMNED ANGEL?!?!?"
---
BM - Wait, if I did evil, and you guys here are evil, then shouldn't you be showering me with rewards, etc.?
Demon-This is Hell. We're big on irony here.

From: jerichomaniac | Posted: 3/6/2004 5:03:20 AM | Message Detail

I'm gunna give it a shot, although Defcon ROCKS!

*Spoilers*

The party go to meet Bugenhagen in Cosmo Canyon. He's "sat" atop the table

Red: Hi, Grandpa!

Bugenhagen: (oh great, it's the tiger-thing again.) Hey, Nanaki! Aren't you supposed to be in Gongaga? Looking for that lost treasure I sent you out to get? You know, the one on the map that looks suprisingly like my gas bills?

Red: Guys, this is Grandpa!

Tifa: ...Does anyone notice that he's got no legs?

Cait: And he's floating?

Cloud: What're you talking about?

*Cloud watches as "Bugenhagen", who's actually a giant squid, jumps around the room, gurgling and burping, throwing cushions at Tifa*

Cloud: Heheh....mako good....

*All turn to Cloud*

Barret: Last time we let him in that buggy, y'all.

Yuffie: *While stealing materia* Huh...yeah...sure...Dio spent some quality time with him.

Barret: Whatcha talkin' bout woman?

Tifa: *Sighs* Here we go again..

Barret: Look, cut, alright! I'm sorry, I can't do this role anymore! It's so stereotypical, i'm not a member of the A-team, I don't know HOW you got a GATTLING GUN on my ARM, I mean, for goodness sake, people, let's have some class! Five years in the Royal Shakespeare company and THIS is where it gets me!

Yuffie: I know, but all dis materia, is well bing-bing!

Cait: Christ, woman, it's "BLING-BLING"

Yuffie: Look at dis face! Does dis face look bovvered?

Cait: Wha?

Bugenhagen: Quiet! All of you! I say your target is Irenicus!

*Everyone looks around*

Cloud: Look, oh mighty squid, who's Irenicus?

Bugenhagen: A 2D-figment of your imagination. He's pompous, you'd like him.

Cloud: Sweet. Come on Red, lets go find that treasure, a scimitar and some hard-boiled eggs.

*Cloud walks off*

Red: Cloud! Cloud! There wasn't any treasure anyway! Cloud! I can't use a scimitar, and I don't think there's any in this game! Why dont we just stay and play some hakey sack? Cloud? You know eggs give me gas! Cloud!? Ahh, here it goes!

*Terrible, but I love the Kenan+Kel reference.
---
So now that's over, we can go bake the cookies, right?
On Halo as LK-9T2

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/7/2004 8:31:18 AM | Message Detail

Blooper:

Hojo injects himself with jenova cells, takes alergic reaction, falls down, cloud + co. laugh
---
L.J.S.K

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/7/2004 12:28:22 PM | Message Detail

Hey, talic300, you liked that last one? well, I have a new one coming that I hop will be just as good. Keep an eye out for it. and just for fun....

Cloud: (tears out one of his eyes adn holds it out to Masterbahamut07) Okay, I'm keeping an eye out for it
---
Sure, why not

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/7/2004 1:31:57 PM | Message Detail

Uh, I got my next three scenes pretty much figured out, but I don't think the next one is too great. sorry, but the one after it should be better
---
Sure, why not

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/7/2004 1:42:23 PM | Message Detail

~~~Scene Five~~~
Takes place directly after scene four

Cloud:((Dancing up and down)) Burn birdie, burn!!!

R.W.: So, really, is he supposed to even stand a chance against me? Because I'm not seeing it

Director: UH, just be prepared for anything. just don't let him.....

R.W.:Okay, you spikey headed freak! lets rumble!

Cloud and Ruby Weapon walk over into the sewers together, and ten minutes pass

Director: Well, it's been ten minutes, so Cloud should be done reading

Ruby Weapon: (walks out) You ****ing son of a *****, do you know what torture I just endured?!?!?!?!?!?!

Tifa: (walks over to the sewers where Cloud is) Wow, Cloud, you're really high

Cloud: Yeah, *****, let's get busayyyyy

Aeris: (walks over)man, he is high

Suddenly, flames erupt from the Director's chair

Director: Wow, the dumb*** actually knows how to do something fun!! Die, you stupid bird, dieee!

The next ten minutes are spent waiting for Cloud to get back to normal, and then they exit the sewers

Director: uh, where he **** are we?

D.A.: The train graveyard, which is what I presume to be the next scene. I cant tell, seeing as how the script is cvered in "Cloud are smart"

Tifa, cloud, and Aeris walk inside a train to "talk about the filming"

Director: How about we just say we already shot this, and skip to a different part?

Cloud:(in the train)yeah, you guys like that, don't ya, you ****ing *****es!

Tifa:(in the train) Cloud, that's a bench, and a pole

Tifa and Aeris walk out shaking their heads

Cloud: (in the train)You guys love this, don't you?

Suddenly, Ruby Weapon swoops in and blasts the director to pieces

D.A.: Oh My God, you killed The Director!!

Cloud:(still humping the bench and the pole) You bastard!

Tifa and Aeris: (look at each other) maybe we coul become...

D.A.: well, we need a new director, I guess

Barret: (Walks over) Um, you guys? we were ready for the pillar scene like, ten minutes ago

Cloud: (smoking a new joint, walks over to Aeris) Hey, *****, I need to have a word with you. in private

They walk over to a train

D.A.: well, until we get a new director, I guess I'm Acting Director

Barret: um, sure, but hurry up. I can't keep Jessie and Biggs off of each other

A huge burst of fire erupts from the train car where Cloud and Aeris are

Cloud: yeeeeeeeehaaaah, that was a good one!

To be Continued With Scene Four and a Half, my remake of "A Birthday wish"
---
Sure, why not

From: tierza89 | Posted: 3/7/2004 2:43:04 PM | Message Detail

(ok first off i want to say please dont laugh at me if this is bad... ok)
Scene where aeris dies(yes i know everyone has done this one)

::Aeris is sitting on the ground praying Sephiroth decends::

Cloud: NOOOOOOOO AERIS!!!

::there is a loud and rather nasty squelching sound::

Tifa: GAsp!

Sephiroth: What?

::he looks down and sees his sword sticking out of Clouds stomach and cloud hanging limply over the edge::

Sephiroth: oh..... woops, thats not good

Aeris: Oh my god! you missed! You've killed cloud!

Redxiii:not such a big loss.. uh i mean.. thats terrible

Tifa: what r we going to do now?? Who will lead us? who will I save from mako poisoning? who will take us to victory???

Director: wow someone actually read the script... hmmm lest see... we'll hire a new cloud.... You!

::he pionts to a rather large goldfish that was swimming around the stairs::

Gf: Me? You mean I get to be cloud??

Director: NO, you get to be sephiroth! Seph come here

:: the director shoves Sephiroth into a large purple trash bage and sticks several paices of cheese from the snack bar onto his head::

Director: Perfect now lets see everyone get into position and some one move cloud out of the way. ok Golfishman we'll attach you to these cables and then you drop down and stab aeris> Everyone clear?? ok ready and ACTION!!!

Sephiroth: NOooooooo! aeris watch out! Goldfshman is right on top of you!

::gldfish man decends and one of the cables snaps and he falls on top of aeris::

GF: **** i knew i should have gone on a diet

Director: You know what... we'll just skip this scene

Redxiii: Wait you can't do that! This is one of the most important scenes in the whole story! You can't just skip it!

Aeris: Actually i kind of like the idea of not dying im gonna go witht the director

Redxii: But someone has to die!!!!!

Director: Your right Red get up there!!

Redxiii: Wait.. i didnt mean....

Director: Action!

:: Goldfishman comes dwon from the ceiling and using his mighty fins of death, slices Redxiii in half::

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/7/2004 5:07:10 PM | Message Detail

masterbahamut07 good one
i can't wait for the next one
---
Well, lets mozzy- Cloud

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/8/2004 9:30:16 AM | Message Detail

Undercover bump in the guise of a bad blooper

The other guy with the gun arm (i forget his name) falls down the cliff, closly followed by his screams of pain, the director walks over to investigate and sees that his saftey net is in the wrong place.

Maybe this will inspire ppl to do more good bloopers, lest i have to repeat this.
---
L.J.S.K

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/8/2004 9:32:56 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Pyramid Head X | Posted: 3/8/2004 11:53:23 AM | Message Detail

Hmm, I'll try this...

*SPOILERS*

(Cloud's Past, in the Truck, dialogue not exact)

Sephiroth: Looks like our monster's here.

(Enter Battle Scene w/ Dragon)

(Dragon instantly flames Cloud, dealing enough damage to kill him multiple times)

Sephiroth: Hey, director?

Director: What?

Sephiroth: I'm not meaning to be an ass or anything sir, but how on Earth did Cloud here manage to be a 1st Class SOLDIER when he's killed so easily by some random dragon enemy?

Director: Well... uh-

Sephiroth: More importantly-

(Director cocks gun)

Sephiroph: O.O' Yessir!

(Sephiroph proceeds to kill the dragon)

Sephiroph: Cloud, are you alright?

(He fails to respond, indicating that he is dead)

Sephiroph: Wait, he's called Zack. Damn, I never was any good with-

Director: (God, who recommended me for this job?) Forget that, who's gonna play Cloud now?

Sephiroph: Well, we have Zack as his back-up.

Director: Zack is playing as one of the soldiers' doubles.

Sephiroph: Well, we have one of the soldiers as Zack's back-up.

Director: Which one?

Sephiroph: The guy with spiked blond hair.

Director: Well, he plays Cloud and I play the- wait, spiked blond hair?! Sephiroph, could you tell me just who wrote this plot?

Sephiroth: Why, it was Aeris.

(Director ponders)

Director: Sephiroph, would you be interested in a major alteration to the original plot? Heck, I'll even make your candy ass main villain!

Sephiroph: Would I ever!

Director and Sephiroph: Mwahahahahahaha~!

=-Will Director get his ultimate revenge on Aeris? Will Sephy become an evil badass? Find out on the next episode of Final Fantasy ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!-=

*Admittedly, that sucks so bad Don Corneo would be ashamed. But whatever.*
---
Nothing here, sir.

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/8/2004 2:05:34 PM | Message Detail

Well if defcon aint making ne more bloopers i might as well stop bumping this, some1 else do it

(btw, this was an undercover bump, my last)
---
L.J.S.K

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/8/2004 5:14:29 PM | Message Detail

i guess i will keep it bumped........ BUMP
---
Well, lets mozzy- Cloud

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/9/2004 11:10:02 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted by a GameFAQs Moderator]

From: MentalPaitent | Posted: 3/9/2004 12:13:57 PM | Message Detail

Yee! I'll try!

{Costa de Sol beach, misc. time}

Director Guy: Right, Cloud (gawd, what a stupid name), we need some meaningless material to make this movie long and expensive. So you just go out into the water and talk to that guy swimming over there. Right?

Cloud: Yeah, whatever, you dork. Just as long as I get a pay rise. And did you mutter something under your breath?

Director Guy: No I didn't. And you can't do that, the other actors have to be paid for as well. And there's the special effects, the costumes, the-

Cloud: Look, I don't give a **** about all of them. I just want my money, then I'm outta here!

Director: (Why couldn't he say that line at 7th Heaven?)... Fine, fine, you'll get your money...

Cloud: Good. And **** you, you loser

Cloud wades towards the swimmer, as the camera rolls

Cloud: OK, I just want to myself clear that I think that you're ugly, and I- ey? What's that big, green thin- AAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

Cloud is promptly dragged awayby Emerald Weapon

Cloud: AAARGH! HELP ME!

Director: Alright, I want to know who was responsible for letting Fluffy out of her cage before her scene? And why isn't she her usual, ignorant, gentle self?

Animal Guy: Ah, well, you see, it's like, it's sorta, very weird thing, I... I trained Fluffy to eat Cloud...

Director: You've got a raise

Animal Guy: ...because h- hey?

There. I did it. And I probably made a complete fool of myself, but I had fun ^_^
---
I don't 'suffer' from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/9/2004 3:23:59 PM | Message Detail

wow not many people are posting here.....but i said i was gonna keep it bumped so.........BUMP
---
Well, lets mozzy- Cloud

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/9/2004 7:01:27 PM | Message Detail

*waiting for new posts*
(i might even think up my own if this keeps up)

BUMP
---
Well, lets mozzy- Cloud

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/10/2004 1:55:53 PM | Message Detail

Bump

(i am getting tired of this)
---
Well, lets mozzy- Cloud

From: kaicel | Posted: 3/10/2004 2:09:49 PM | Message Detail

keep on going with the great bloopers jobs here
coughbumpcough
---
erauqs si dlrow eht -->ff6

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/10/2004 2:43:00 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/10/2004 2:52:43 PM | Message Detail

thanks Defcon999 i didn't know how to spell that
(yea it was getting on my nerves too)
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: kaicel | Posted: 3/10/2004 2:55:47 PM | Message Detail

long lives the bloopers!!!
---
erauqs si dlrow eht -->ff6

From: DARKCLOUDSTRIFE55 | Posted: 3/10/2004 4:15:09 PM | Message Detail

Cloud:I love you Tifa
*Glances over his lap to see sephiroth grinning
Cloud:WTF!Where's Tifa!
Sephiroth:She dumped you and went for that overgrown monkey.
Cloud:You mean!!!!
*Sees' Tifa kissing barret.*

From: JoeZombie1324 | Posted: 3/10/2004 4:33:00 PM | Message Detail

Cloud and the party walk into Nibelheim for the first time. The party consists of Cloud, Tifa, and Barret.

Director: And Action.

Cloud: What's going on? Everything was supposed to be burned down.

Barret: Wha' tha hell you talkin' 'bout foo'! Everythang is iight here!

Director: Why does Barret insist on ebonics?

Cloud: My house was on fire seven years ago. Let me check to see if it's still okay.

The party walks into his old house.

Cloud: Hi. This used to be my house but I remember everything was burned down. How did you get it to be this way. It's just like I remember, except for that.

Camera shifts to a guy rubbing his nipples.

Woman: What are you talking about? Don't talk like that around here! Get out.

Cloud jumps on to his old bed and puts his feet up.

Woman: What are you doing?

Cloud begins to grind his feet into the bed

Cloud: Argh!! **** you're bed woman! You rich buy a new bed! **** you're bed! I'm Cloud Strife *****!

Barret and Tifa walk out of the room and walk over to the director. They talk while Cloud continues to grind his feet in the bed.

Director: Cuuuuuuuuuuuu...

The man and woman pick up baseball bats and start beating on Cloud's legs.

Tifa: Aren't you going to stop this?

Director: Nope this is great footage.

Cloud begins screaming, Cloud: Argh!! Get the **** off me! Stop it you rich *****. I'll buy you a new bed.

Cloud crawls out of the room with his legs looking like spaghetti and still screaming.

Cloud: Argh! **** you! You ain't seeing a gil from me *****! You don't do that to me I'm Cloud Strife *****!

Director: And cut! Good job people.
---
"I'm Rick James *****" Dave Chapplle

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/10/2004 6:59:25 PM | Message Detail

another bump
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: DARKCLOUDSTRIFE55 | Posted: 3/10/2004 7:20:28 PM | Message Detail

A big Bump

From: blazingsamurai | Posted: 3/10/2004 10:38:31 PM | Message Detail

Blooper:(im gonna get shot for this hehe)
Spoilers:(i think)

Sephiroth is flying down with the masamune gleaming straight towards the praying Aeris.

Cloud looks up and throws his Barrney plush doll at the silver haired attacker.

Right as it makes contact the plush says "I wuv you!"

Sephiroth screams and falls to the ground.

Cloud is laughing histaricly while sephiroth can be seen in the backround convulsing on the ground with white foam coming from his mouth. The group can hear him muttering "too evil..."

Cloud: HAHAHAHA! That'll teach you to steal my bannanas!

*******
I know it sucked and made no sense whatsoever, but i tried...
---
One Time, there was this ninja in a resturant. A kid dropped his icecream cone and the ninja flipped out and killed the whole town! In short, NINJAS RULE!

From: MentalPaitent | Posted: 3/11/2004 11:39:35 AM | Message Detail

Dammit! Don't you do on me!
*BUMP*
*BUMP*
*listens*
IT'S GOING TO BE OK! THIS TOPICS GONNA LIVE!
(for a while, anyway...)
---
I don't 'suffer' from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

From: Jimbo04 | Posted: 3/11/2004 12:01:33 PM | Message Detail

this is the very best game ever and it will win the spring 2004 contest.

From: MentalPaitent | Posted: 3/11/2004 1:59:06 PM | Message Detail

You don't need to tell me twice ^_^
---
I don't 'suffer' from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

From: DARKCLOUDSTRIFE55 | Posted: 3/11/2004 2:10:42 PM | Message Detail

Spoilers
Cloud:I think bizzaro sephiroth's dead.
Safer Sephiroth:No,I am not!
Cloud:Ahhh,look at yourself your hidious.
Sephiroth:Not as hideous as you are goin' to be after I'm with Ya!
Cloud:Barret help!
*Sephiroth is about to shoot Cloud*
Cloud's mom:Leave my son alone!!
*Sephiroth knows perfectly well that nothing can come between an angry mother*
*Cloud's Mom begans whacking Safer with a metal bat*
Cloud:Thanks mommy.

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/12/2004 10:46:37 AM | Message Detail

bump
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/13/2004 6:27:01 AM | Message Detail

the 300th post is a bump...that's sad

bump
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

Jump to Page: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

First Page | Previous Page | Page 7 of 10 | Next Page | Last Page

From: orangedaragorn | Posted: 3/13/2004 8:54:29 AM | Message Detail

bump
---
hmmmm doesnt look like fish

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/13/2004 12:43:19 PM | Message Detail

Hey gus, I'm back, andas soon as I find where I put my topics that were coming next, I'll post 'em, seeing as how this board could use SOMETHING
---
Sure, why not

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/13/2004 9:37:09 PM | Message Detail

yet another bump from me
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/14/2004 5:10:04 PM | Message Detail

keeping it bumped

bump
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/14/2004 5:57:33 PM | Message Detail

i'm gonna try
now be warned it's not really funny i'm just setting up the story

Spoilers

(before beginning of the movie)
Director: Wow, guys this job is a big break for me......so DON'T MESS IT UP!!

Zack: Mess what up?

Director: Quit joking around and lets get started.

(1st scene)
*Zack jumps off the train, slips and breaks his leg and his wrist*

Director: What happened?

Director's Assistant: It looks like someone put some sort of oil here so Zack would slip.

Director: Who would do something like that?

Sephiroth: Uhh, I did sir.

Director: Thanks A LOT, now i guess we have to use his understudy for the movie.

DA: Um sir, no we don't.

Director: Why not?

DA: Because he left saying that he was going to star in a movie called Final Fantasy 8.

Director: What was his name anyway?

DA: Squall sir.

Director: Well he was too quiet anyway, I bet you five bucks that his movie will suck

DA: You're on!

Director: So who will play Zack's part with the understudy gone?

DA: Well there is his Stunt Double

Director: STUNT DOUBLE!! why do we have a ******* stunt double if he doesn't do any stunts?!?!

DA: Well he said that he was busy

Director: Never mind why. I'll just give him a pay cut. do you think that he will fit the part?

DA: You could say that.....

Director: Okay, bring him in

*Cloud comes running in and slips and falls on top of Zack*

Director: Wonderful, this is going to be a looooooong day.

To Be Continued...
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/14/2004 6:13:46 PM | Message Detail

Spoilers

(Raid on Reactor number 1)

Director: And Action.

Barret: Is this your first time in a reactor?

Cloud: No, after all I did work for........LINE!

Director: Shinra, Cloud Shinra!

Cloud: No thanks, I don't like sugar in my coffee, but thanks for asking.

Director: NO, you moron Shinra is your line

Cloud: Line for what?

Director: THE MOVIE!!

Cloud: Oohh a movie! Can I have some popcorn?

Director: No, just take a break.

To Be Continued
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/14/2004 6:47:49 PM | Message Detail

Spoilers

(After Break)

Director: Okay lets try this again. ACTION!!

Barret: I'm going with you

*Barret walks into Cloud*

Cloud: Hahahaha stop that tickles.

Director: Cloud, quit laughing and finish this scene

Cloud: Okie Dokie ;)

They finish the scene without any other problems (mostly because i don't have any ideas on what to do)

To Be Continued
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/14/2004 6:57:12 PM | Message Detail

Spoiler

(After Raid)

*Cloud runs into Aeris*

Cloud: Hey baby......

Aeris: What happened?

Cloud: Nothing you can't fix.....

Aeris: What?

Cloud: Never mind, so what are you holding?

Aeris: Oh these? they are just some flowers. Wanna buy one it's only a gil?

Cloud:What kind of flowers are they? Cause i would REALLY love some roses, oh oh or some Johnny Jump Ups, and maybe some daffodils, oh and a couple o..

Aeris: I only have dandelions

Cloud: Well in that case....

*Cloud hits Aeris in her face and runs away*

Aeris: OWWWW, that hurt you idiot! What did you do that for?

*Cloud comes back*

Cloud: I'm soo sorry, I just.......forgot to grab the flower!!!

*Cloud hits Aeris in the face again, grabs the flowers and runs away*

To Be Continued
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/15/2004 10:20:52 AM | Message Detail

Ill give it a try, but be warned, it aint good.

Spoilers, i supose
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ok, the scene is this, the final battle between Cloud, Vincent and Cid against safer Sephiroth.

Cloud attacks Sephiroth
Vincent does likewise
As does Cid
Sephiroth attacks the whole party
Cloud omnislashes
Vincent uses his limit break and turns into Cait sith

Director: What the? who gave Vincent the wrong costume?

In the background: A huge smashing/crashing noise
Cloud and co. climb the ladder to the top of the crater to investigate, Sephiroth tries to get down of the wire but cant, he kills his wire-team and sorta floats to the top of the crater.

Everyone looks south and sees that midgar has been crushed by meteor and there is a gaping hole in the roof of the studio with afew dazed looking tech. guys looking through.

The director screams and shoots one of them, he then goes on to rant about timing.

I know, not good.

(This undercover bump has been brought to you by LJSK industries)

---
L.J.S.K

From: orangedaragorn | Posted: 3/15/2004 1:29:34 PM | Message Detail

KEEP THE DRIVE ALIVE BUMP!!!
---
hmmmm doesnt look like fish

From: Kirbyfan100 | Posted: 3/15/2004 2:07:24 PM | Message Detail

*during the final battle with Safer Sephiroth*

Cloud: Hehehe I have a idea. HEY GUYS I have a plan.

*everyone gathers around*

Could: Everyone got it?

Everyone: YEAH!!

Safer Sephiroth: What are you up to???

Cloud: Oh you'll see.

*Tifa uses KoTR and Cloud uses Ominslash and cuts off Sephiroth's wings*

Cloud: WE'LL BE HAVING CHICKEN TONIGHT BOYS!!!!

*Sephiroth falls down*

Safer Sephiroth: COME BACK HERE!!!! I NEED THOSE WINGS!!!

*everyone escapes the North Crater and roasts Sephiroth's wings in a oven*

Cloud: I can't wait for these Chicken Wings to get done.

Cid: Yeah,these'll be good.

To Be Continued.....

Sephiroth will be getting revenge soon.
---
Vegito - It's quality not quantity my friend

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/15/2004 4:56:34 PM | Message Detail

i'm back hey i know my posts aren't that funny, but it's better than just saying bump right?
Spoiler

(After Aeris Encounter)

Director: Cloud why did you hit Aeris?

Cloud: Cause she only had dandelions

Director: What an idiotic excuse!! Just to warn you, you are gonna pay later.....

Cloud: Whatever

*Cloud walks into Tifa's 7th Heaven*

Cloud: Hey guys, what's up?

Barret: You're late! Come on lets get this meeting started

*Everyone goes downstairs*

Cloud: Where's my money Barret?

Barret: **** is that all you think abo...

*Suddenly Sephiroth jumps down and kills Jessie*

Cloud: NOOOOOO!! I never got a chance to date her, Sephiroth you'll pay for this!

Director: Sephiroth could you come here for a second so we can talk?

Sephiroth: Sure no problem

*Sephiroth walks over to the director*

Director: Uh Sephiroth could I ask you a little favor?

Sephiroth: What is it?

Director: Could you please......STOP KILLING OFF THE CAST MEMBERS!!!!

Sephiroth: I was just practicing

Director: Practicing for what?

Sephiroth: Oh you'll find out later......

To Be Continued
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: KingdomKeyMaster | Posted: 3/15/2004 6:06:42 PM | Message Detail

cloud and sephiroth

cloud crys

sephy:whats wrong
cloud:tifa punched me, so vincent shot her
sephy:so...
cloud:i need a hug
cloud reaches out
sephy:touch me and die
---
Don't think you can, know you can... or just give up. Yeah, that'll work

From: orangedaragorn | Posted: 3/15/2004 7:09:53 PM | Message Detail

Talic, that one was good
---
hmmmm doesnt look like fish

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/15/2004 10:01:27 PM | Message Detail

~~~Scene Six~~~
((Hey, you guys need all you can get, right?))
Directly after Scene Five
Kinda sucks, I know, but....

A huge burst of fire erupts from the train car where Cloud and Aeris are

Cloud: yeeeeeeeeehaaaah, that was a good one!

A.D.(Acting Director), Tifa, and Barret: .......

Aeris: (walks out of train car) man, He really Is an idiot

Tifa: Gee, you just figured that out?

A.D.: ummm, ladies, what on earth is he doing in there?

Cloud: I could write a new book. Um, oh, the title just leaps offa the page!

Tifa: How much you wanna bet it's...

Tifa and Cloud: Reasons why you should light stuff on fire

Cloud: (With a demonic glint in his eyes)I'll sell millions!

Tifa: see, told ya

A.D.: Uh, I think we should get to the pillar scene, before we have too much fun

Passing Chocobo: Little do our heroes know they will face challenges beyond their wildest imaginations, often ones that will test every fiber of their being, trials and tribulations that........ hey, blondie, what are you doing?!

Cloud: Writing on you with a permanent marker

A.D.: Hey, chocobo, wanna join our little group?

Tifa: yeah, you can be our little battle buddy type thing that shouldn't be allowed because it's not in the script and way too far off of the whole scheme of things

A.D., Passing Chocobo, Aeris, and Barret: (Look at Tifa) uuhh, right

Passing Chocobo: um, okay, I'm Ranbar, good to meet ya

Yuffie: hey, that's my line!

Cloud: whoah, they call them fingers, but I've never seen them fing....... oh, there they go

Ranbar: so, um, yeah, can we get on with it already? and what are the chances of getting rid of the high kid?

A.D.: unfortunately, very low

~~~To Be Continued~~~

From: Necrosis | Posted: 3/15/2004 10:26:42 PM | Message Detail

Ok, here's a shot at one:

(Scene where Cloud is in his room at the Golden Saucer, and then on of the three ladies come in)

SCENARIO I

Cloud: Well, I guess I'll go to bed now...

*Aeris storms into the room*

Aeris: Hello, Cloud, lets go and have fun!

Cloud: Err... Where?

Aeris: Are you legally retarted!? Here dummy! Lets go play under a rainbow, or put on fancy womens clothing again!

Cloud: Hey! That was a one-time-only thing!

Aeris: Oh silly, I know you liked it! What should we dress up in?

Cloud: Hmm... There are a few articles of clothing that I would like you to dress up in...

Aeris: Really!? What?

Cloud: Let's go to Tifa's room and see if there is anything that would suit me- I mean, you of course!
---------------
SCENARIO II
---------------
Cloud: Well, I guess I'll go to bed now...

*Tifa storms in, wearing purple thong, and star-shaped pasties*

Tifa: Hay Cloud! Let's go out!

Cloud: Nice outfit, Tifa, I've never seen anything like it!

Tifa: Hehe, you like? The Don- my MOM made me wear it, hehe!

Cloud: Err... Suits you well! Where did you want to go again?

Tifa: Oh! Lets go to the local Puss-- Wussy workout club!

Cloud: Umm... ok? And then?

Tifa: Well after that, well go back here, and I'll give you hea- You'll tuck me into bed! How does that sound to you?

Cloud: *Winks* Whatever you want, Tifa...

I may post Scenario III later...
---
~NS~

From: Black Chaos Soldier | Posted: 3/16/2004 1:02:26 AM | Message Detail

Sephiroth: "There's still plenty of room on this sword."

funniest line ever
---
Future Destroyer of Ignorance Newbs destroyed:1
Socom II Name: your pants

From: MentalPaitent | Posted: 3/16/2004 10:38:12 AM | Message Detail

BUMP2
---
I don't 'suffer' from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/16/2004 3:15:16 PM | Message Detail

Sephiroth falls from sky, misses
Aeris and BUMPs his leg on floor

---
L.J.S.K

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/16/2004 3:34:18 PM | Message Detail

thanks orangedaragorn
here's another one
Spoilers
(Raid on Reactor number 5(On the train))

Tifa: The checkpoint should be com....

Announcer: WARNING unauthorized personal aboard the train, preparing lockdown

Barret: **** if only Sephiroth didn't kill Jessie we wouldn't be in this mess!

Cloud: I don't think I can go on without her.....

Barret: Shut the **** up and let's get going!

*They run to the end of the train and jump off*

Cloud: OWWWWWW I think I broke my leg, someone help!

Director: SEPHIROTH STOP DOING THIS!!!

Cloud: Haha got you! I was just joking

Director: Oh you'll play Cloud, you'll pay....

*They get in the reactor, set up the bomb and are about to leave*

Barret: Lets go this wa.....

*Suddenly a bunch of shinra soldiers come rushing in blocking their path*

Cloud: A trap....

Barret: Thank you Mr. Obvious!

*President Shinra comes in*

President Shinra: Well, well, well it looks like it is the end for AVALANCHE.........AVALANCHE what a stupid group, I mean come on you have a Mr. T wannabe leader, a brainless pansy to do the work, and a chick with enormously HUGE boobs........hey wait a minute baby, do you wanna go out some time?

Cloud: NO WAY!! She is my *****

P.S.: Not for long....

*Air Buster comes in*

P.S.: Have fun

*They destroy Air Buster, but the explosion causes Cloud to hag on for dear life*

Cloud: Help me!

Tifa: Barret, can't you do anything?

Barret: Not a **** thing

Cloud: Oh come on is it really that hard for you to extend your arm out one foot so I can grab it?

Barret: Well......

*A rumble makes Cloud fall*

Cloud: You'll payyyyyyyyy!

To Be Continued
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: blueruby | Posted: 3/16/2004 11:50:51 PM | Message Detail

bump
---
Issaru confiscated your monkey.

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/17/2004 6:12:17 PM | Message Detail

Happy St. Patrick's day! I've got a special blooper for this, not at all connected with any of my others

Cloud (in green clothes): They're magically delicious

Tifa: (looks at Cloud) What are you doing?

Marlene then walks into the room, sees Cloud, and runs out screaming "Daddy!"

Cloud: (eating lucky charms) uh, nothing really. Just eating

Tifa: What's with the green?

Cloud: well, it's........ I dunno, it's like I felt I might get hurt if I didn't wear green, like someone would pinch me

Barret: (runs in) you eatin' Marlene's cereal?

Cloud: No, just eating cereal that had the word "Marlene" written on it

Tifa: Uh, Cloud?

Barret: (raises gun arm) you better give it back

Cloud: Hearts, stars, and horseshoes. Clovers and blue moons. Pots of gold and rainbows, and me red balloon

Tifa: WHERE THE **** DID YOU HEAR THAT SONG?!?!?!?

Barret: That's it, I'm takin im down

Suddenly, a little leprechaun jumps in the room

Cloud: (jumping up and down) You're the guy from my dream! Lucky, right?

Lucky: Yes, I be Lucky, and I've come to thank you, Cloud, for joining my tradition of St. Patrick's day!

Cloud: yeah, and you taught me the song!

Cloud and Lucky: Hearts, stars and.....

A gunshot is heard, and Lucky falls to the ground

Cloud: Lucky, are you okay?

Lucky: Beware...... I'm not the last....... now they'll come..... and......

Cloud: what's that supposed to mean?

Suddenly, a white rabbit, a toucan, and a sea captain walk in

Cloud: uh, he did it (points to Barret)

Rabbit: Now, time for us to avenge our fallen comrade

Barret: no, what are you doing? get away, stay...... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

The End
---
Sure, why not

From: frigonator | Posted: 3/18/2004 3:09:44 AM | Message Detail

moogle: bump kupo?

c'mon defcon ever single one of yours are funny, dont stop now
---
It makes me want to... makes me want to... DO THE CHICKEN DANCE!!! do do do do do do do

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/18/2004 11:34:13 AM | Message Detail

I agree, post more bloopers defcon

(Undercover bump by ljsk industries)
---
L.J.S.K

From: Ambassodor | Posted: 3/18/2004 3:04:33 PM | Message Detail

I wouldnt expect anything new from defcon. he got banned for sensor bypass in his old signature.
---
Signature
Max 2 lines, 160 characters total

From: OmegaSephiroth2 | Posted: 3/18/2004 5:18:33 PM | Message Detail

Heres a funny one!
(Spoilers)

*Tifa and Scarlet are slapping each other on the Sister Ray.

*Tifa beats Scarlet and Scarlet falls unconscious...

*The gaurds then ran after Tifa to kill her.

*Tifa hears a voice then begins running to the end of the cannon.

*She jumps and catches on to the rope of the Highwind

*The Cannon fires and destroys the Highwind, killing everyone on board, and Tifa falling helplessly

*Sapphire weapons enters the wrecked scene with a big question mark on his head...
---
http://www.angelfire.com/ego2/omegasephiroth2/scarletvstifa

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/18/2004 8:18:21 PM | Message Detail

I wouldnt expect anything new from defcon. he got banned for sensor bypass in his old signature.

Reports of my banishment are (for now, anyway...) greatly exaggerated. For anyone who's wondering, I was suspended for quite some time due to a "sensor bypass" in my old sig. After 144+ days of having it...

As you may or may not have noticed, I had to go through the board and delete all of my active posts, which includes all of my bloopers. I have new ones, but it'd be useless to post them now, seeing as new people won't have a clue as to what's going on in my stories.

If there's a lot of interest, I could start reposting my old bloopers.

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director

From: kaicel | Posted: 3/19/2004 8:48:53 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/19/2004 3:14:36 PM | Message Detail

yea defcon could u do that?
my bloopers aren't nearly as funny as yours
and i'm am running out of ideas
(it's hard to make something up without stealing the idea from someone)
so plz defcon start posting them
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/19/2004 3:21:53 PM | Message Detail

Consider it done. I'll even update them as I post. Correct any mistakes, edit what wasn't all that funny, that sort of thing.

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/19/2004 3:26:22 PM | Message Detail

From the beginning, and chronological (for the most part) this time. Note, however, that there are some that just don't fit with the rest of my story. It's because I didn't originally plan on linking them all together. Anyway, enjoy.

SPOILERS
(the first reactor raid)
Director: "Ok, let me start off by saying how happy I am to be working with such a great group of actors. I've heard nothing but great things from the crew."

Cloud: "(Ok guys, we can give the crew back their pets now.)"

Barret: "(Damn, I was starting to like the camera guy's cat.)"

Director: "So everyone's read their lines, right?"

Cloud: "What lines?"

Director: "Heheh, good one Cloud."

Cloud: "(Good what?)"

(Cloud jumps off of the train)

Barret: "Follow me, new comber."

Director: "Cut! Barret, the line is 'New Comer'. (Besides, it's obvious he doesn't comb his hair.)"

Barret: "My bad."

(they meet the rest of AVALANCHE and proceed down the reactor)

Barret: "This your first time in a reactor?"

Cloud: "No. After all, I did work for Shinra."

Barret: "These reactors are sucking the life force out of this planet. We've gotta do something or the planet will die."

Cloud: "I'm not here for a lecture."

Barret: "That's it! You're coming with me from now on."

(Barret walks up to Cloud and joins the party)

Director: "Cut! Where the hell did you go, Barret?"

Barret: "Whadya mean? I'm right here."

Director: "Where?"

Cloud: "Haven't you ever directed an RPG before? Only the main character is visible outside of battle and cut-scenes."

Director: "I see...or rather, I don't see."

Cloud: "I don't get it."

Director: "Well you see, it's a joke based on the fact that I understand, but I don't actually see."

Barret: "(I don't get it.)"

Cloud: "(Neither do I.)"

Director: "(Actually, I don't get it either...)"

(they set the bomb and Guard Scorpion attacks)

Barret: "Holy crap!"

Cloud: "Careful Barret! Attack while its tail's up! It's gunna counter with its laser."

Barret: "Buh? So...I should attack now?"

Cloud: "No, its tail's up. I said 'attack while its tail's up, it's gunna counter with its laser."

Barret: "Got it. Attack its tail when it counters our lasers."

Cloud: "No, attack its lasers with our tails as a counter. No...I mean build counters with lasers for our tails."

Barret: "I'm confused...So, give our lasers to its tail so that it can counter us with them?"

Cloud: "Yes. I mean...no. Give it our tails so it can laser our counters."

Barret: "Oh, I get it. Tail its lasers so we can counter it."

Cloud: "Right. Don't attack while its tail is up."

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/19/2004 3:35:47 PM | Message Detail

Keep em comin' defcon, their great
---
L.J.S.K

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/19/2004 3:37:13 PM | Message Detail

You want them all at once? Or should I leak them out one at a time, every once in awhile?

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/19/2004 3:42:55 PM | Message Detail

all at once
that way people can read them whenever they want
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/19/2004 3:56:22 PM | Message Detail

The thing is, I wanted to update some of them. And all of them have to be reformatted before I post them, because the format I saved them in doesn't keep the bold/Italics. Also, I might think of one or two new ones to sneak in between the current ones...

So I'll try to post them fairly frequently, but not necessarily all at once. I really want to give each one a little thought before I repost it. And Survivair will occupy quite a bit of my time tonight, so I probably won't get too many of these reposted before Nine Central or so. Sorry. But here's the second one to entertain you for a few minutes:

SPOILERS
(The scene where Cloud meets Aeris for the first time.)

Cloud: "Oh jeez, are you OK?"

Aeris: "Yeah, I'm fine. Would you like to buy a flower?"

Cloud: "What? Does it look like I want a damn flower? I mean, come on, I just blew up a freakin reactor and killed a ton of innocent people lady. You think your crappy flowers are just gunna make everything better? Wow, you need help lady. Maybe if they were free, or edible, MAYBE."

Director: "Cut! Cloud, you were supposed to just buy one. It's one freakin' gil. OK, take two, and this time just buy the flower."

.

Aeris: "Yeah, I'm fine. Would you like to buy a flower?"

Cloud: "Are you kidding me? I just told you, I don't want a damn - "

Director: "Cut! Cloud!"

Cloud: "Oh, my bad. Ok, I got it this time.

.

Cloud: "Oh, sure, I can afford one gil for a flower. Thank you so much for selling me this. I feel soooo much better now. I think I'll go - "

Director: "Cloud, you're talking to a coat rack."

Cloud: "Oh. Wow, I really thought it was Aeris. This coat rack can really act!"

Director: "(...better than Aeris anyway...I can see how he got confused.)"

.

Director: "Ok, get it right this time. Action!"

Cloud: "Sure I'll buy a flower. Here's a gil."

Aeris: "This is a fish gill. And it's...half eaten. What happened to it?"

Cloud: "...It was just a snack to hold me until I got this flower. (munch munch munch)"

Director: "Cut! Cloud, those are prop flowers. They're made of plastic."

Cloud: "Oh. (munch). No wonder they taste so bad. (munch)"

.

Director: "OK, this is absolutely the last take. Action!"

Cloud: "Why sure I'll buy a flower. Here's a Gil."

Aeris: "Why thank you. Here's your flower."

Cloud: "Haha! Now I'm gunna take it home and plant it! Then I'll start my own flower business. I'll be able to eat all the flowers I want. See you in the slums, idiot! HAHAHAHAHAH!"

Director: "...Perfect, that's a wrap."

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: screw yourself | Posted: 3/19/2004 7:02:15 PM | Message Detail

lol
---
Your resume is a death-wish -Jaken

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/19/2004 7:17:06 PM | Message Detail

When I first posted this, I failed to think about how few people on the board would know what "Charmin" is. So this time, I'll fill in those who don't know. It's a brand of toilet paper. And "shaman" are religious people. I hope makes one part a little funnier...

SPOILERS
(Walking through the tunnels for the second reactor raid.)

Cloud: �Hmmm�some sort of light barricade. You think it�ll hurt if we try to go through it?�

Barret: �Dunno�maybe we should just try that vent over there.�

Tifa: �Are you kidding? The controls are so messed up it could take us hours to get through there.�

Cloud: �Yeah, Tifa�s right. I�m taking my chances with the beams.�

(Cloud gets a running start and jumps face-first recklessly at the beams, and is immediately electrified.)

Cloud: �(bzzzzt) Gyahhh! My face! Well, I guess that�s out of the question.�

Director: �No, it�s supposed to let you through. Try it again.�

Cloud: �Alright. (bzzzzzztztztzt) OH GOD IT HURTS!�

Director: �(heheh)�

(The group plants the bomb on the reactor.)

Cloud: �Hey, how come there�s no time limit this time?�

Barret: �What do you mean?�

Cloud: �You know, like last time. There was a display up in that corner of the screen that said how long we had until the bomb blew up. Now there�s nothing.�

Director: �(Hmmm�looks like those beams fried his brain�Meh, maybe I can write a split-personality thing into the story somehow.)�

(The group defeats Air Buster and Cloud is hanging from the plate.)

Tifa: �Barret, can�t you do something?!�

Barret: ��Not even if I wanted to.�

(Cloud wakes up in Aeris�s church.)

Aeris: �You Ok?�

Cloud: �I guess so. Did I fall or something?�

Aeris: �Yeah. You�re in a church in the Sector Five slums. The roof and this flower bed must�ve broken your fall.�

Cloud: �You�re crazy lady. Even water wouldn�t have broken my fall from that high up. A church and some pathetic flowers? Man, you must be like, the world�s stupidest person or something. Hahahaa, a church breaking my fall. That�s sooooo dumb. Let me write that one down for later��

Aeris: ��Well, it�s not really a church, it�s more of a�house of shaman. You know, like the toilet paper?�

Cloud: �Oh.�

Director: �(Maybe I shouldn�t let them be in the same room together�I can only take so much idiocy before I start writing people out of the script�)�

(Reno enters the room.)

Reno: "I want that girl."

Cloud: "Yeah, Ok, whatever, just take her. She's not worth anything to me. I mean, she's just some weirdo from the slums. Why should I protect her? If she was, like, gunna summon some mighty planet-saving force later or something, then I might save her. But as far as I know, she's as useless as Cait Sith."

Reno: "Who the hell's Cait Sith?"

Cloud: "How the hell would I know? Who do I look like, Tetsuya Nomura?"

Director: "(smacks forehead)"

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/19/2004 7:18:13 PM | Message Detail

PS: It's a brand of toilet paper known for it's extra-softness.

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/19/2004 7:37:40 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Wall Market)

Inn Guy: �Welcome to Walmart � I mean Wall Market�yeah, that�s what I meant. (I hope none of those corporate guys got that on tape�I can�t afford another law suit.) Please, enjoy yourselves. And make sure you stay in my wonderful inn tonight!�

Cloud: �Go to hell, jerkface. Damn greeters, always so freakin� cheery. Low prices my ass! Imagine how much this place could save if it got rid of all these stupid greeters. Then they could pass the savings on to us! But do these greedy corporations care about the consumers?�

Inn Guy: �Woah, I�m sorry man. I don�t want any trouble.�

Cloud: �No, I�m really asking. Do they care?�

Inn Guy: �Uhhh�how should I know? I�m just a greeter. I�m as useless as her (gestures towards Aeris)!�

Aeris: �Hey! Cloud, are you gunna let him get away with that?�

Cloud: �He�s not my enemy. It�s the corporate guys I�m mad at.�

Aeris: �I meant the insult.�

Cloud: �Insult? He said he was as useless, not less useless.�

Aeris: �Oh. You�re right. Thanks for the compliment, Inn Guy!�

(they discover that Tifa is in the Don�s mansion)

Cloud: �Well, we need a plan to get in there��

Aeris: �Can�t we just bust on in? I mean, if we get the option to bust on into the Shinra building later, shouldn�t we get to bust into this place? I mean, come on, the security isn�t nearly as good as Shinra�s.�

Cloud: �Holy crap, you can see the future!�

Director: �(�)�

Aeris: �Uhhh�yeah, that�s right�anyway, let�s go find you a dress.�

Cloud: �Where are we gunna find a dress? This is Wall Market. All they have are walls.�

Aeris: �You stole that line from The Simple Life, that show on FOX, didn�t you?�

Cloud: �So? Who do you think is sponsoring this movie?�

Director: �(Oh, so THAT�S what�s wrong here�)�

(they get a dress and wig for Cloud and head toward the mansion)

Aeris: �We�re back. I mean, I�m back, and she�s here for the first time (shifty eyes).�

Guard: �Nice try, but I can clearly tell that he�s just that guy from earlier with a dress and a wig. How dumb do think I am? I mean, come on, his sword is sticking about two feet out of the back of that dress. Plus, I was only like, four feet away when you discussed your plan earlier. Didn�t you realize I could hear you? You two must be the dumbest people ever.�

Director: �(That guy�s a genius! I should hire him�)�

Cloud: ��Look over there (points)!�

Guard: �What? Where? (looks)�

Cloud: �(Slices the guard in half.)�

Director: �(Dang.)�

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/19/2004 7:49:23 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Train Graveyard)

Tifa: �Come on, we�ve got to hurry. Sector Seven�s gunna be destroyed!�

Cloud: �Right. Now, which way should we go��

Aeris: �What, are you blind? There�s a ladder right in front of your face.�

Tifa: �Hmmm, which way indeed��

Aeris: �Helllloooo, there�s a freakin� ladder right there!�

Cloud: �Hey, look! Here�s a ladder. Wow, who woulda ever thought that there�d be a ladder up against the end of an unused train car like this? Isn�t it convenient? I mean, it�s right where we need it. Who�da thunk it?�

Aeris: �I did!�

Tifa: �You hear somethin�?�

Cloud: �Notta thing.�

(Random Battle occurs.)

Cloud: �Just two ghosts�no need to waste any magic. Let�s just attack them normally.�

(Tifa attacks one. It disappears.)

Cloud: �Oh crap, I already pressed circle to attack that same ghost that just disappeared.�

Second Ghost: �Ahhahahah! You totally fell for it! What a stupid pile of crap! You�re soooo useless! Even more useless than her (gestures at Aeris)!�

Aeris: �Hey! (attacks the visible ghost, but does an inexcusably small amount of damage)�

Second Ghost: �See what I mean?�

Cloud: ��Shouldn�t you have disappeared?�

Second Ghost: �Oh yeah...�

(The group progresses to the train engines.)

Cloud: �Some engines�it looks like we could progress if we could start them up and move them.�

Tifa: �No problem. I�ve got some old train keys.�

Aeris: �Really? Where?�

Tifa: �The safest place on this planet � My bar, in Sector Seven.�

Cloud: ��

Aeris: ��

Director: ��

Tifa: �What? Oh, right�the whole plate falling and smashing everything in Sector Seven thing�sorry, I forgot.�

Cloud: �Don�t worry about it. I�ll just start them somehow, even though none of these trains should work, seeing as this is a train graveyard. And it doesn�t matter that I have no experience with trains either. I�ll just start them somehow.�

Tifa: �Seems reasonable.�

(The group gets to the base of the pillar. Wedge falls right in front of them.)

Cloud: �Oh man, are you alright, Wedge?!�

Wedge: �Uhhhh, I�m badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I�d probably be fine.�

Cloud: �We already had this discussion. Churches and flowers aren�t enough to break a fall from that high. You�d have to have some sort of � �

Wedge: �Well, it wouldn�t really be a church�it�d be more of �a house of shaman. You know, like the toilet paper?�

Director: �(I�m glad he�s about to get smashed.)�

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/19/2004 7:50:14 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(The air duct scene above the conference room in the Shinra HQ building.)

Barret: "That's a lotta suits."

Tifa: "Yeah. Let's listen in."

Reeve: "I have the estimates to rebuild Sector Seven. Considering all of the factories we had there, the cost to rebuild will probably be about - "

President Shinra: "We're not rebuilding."

Reeve: "What?"

President Shinra: "Sector Seven. You know, the place that got destroyed?"

Director: "(...wow, that sounded like something Cloud would say.)"

President Shinra: "Anyway, we're not rebuilding. We're restarting the Neo-Midgar plan."

Reeve: "Then the Promised Land?"

President Shinra: "No. How could we rebuild that? We don't even know if it exists."

Director: "(Gyah, the stupidity! Meh, I'll just have Sephiroth impale him later for no good reason...)"

President Shinra: "Now let's take advantage of the people. Rate Hike!!!"

Reeve: "The people will lose confidence, Mr President."

President: "Nah, the people will only trust us more. After all, we saved Sector Seven from AVALANCHE!"

Barret: "That dirty bastard. Let's get him later, right Cloud? Cloud...?"

Tifa: "Where'd he go?"

(a toilet flushes in the distance)

Tifa: "Gurk! Oh geez, that's horrid!"

Barret: "Uhhg, I'm gunna puke!"

(Barret pukes through the grate.)

Scarlet: "What the hell? Did that grate just puke?"

Barret: "(uhhh...uhhhh...) [in a low echoing voice] NO."

Scarlet: "Hey, who's in there? Guards!"

Tifa: "Uh oh, we'd better run for it!"

Barret: "Ahh, I'm pushing up but I'm going down. What the hell?!!"

Tifa: "Damn controller setup! Why didn't they make it easier to get through these ducts?!!"

Assistant: "(What the hell are they talking about?)"

Director: "(I don't even care anymore...)"

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/19/2004 7:51:10 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(The scene where we first meet Red XIII.)

Director: �Action!�

Aeris: �Oh no! Some sort of Dog! Cloud, can�t you help me?�

Cloud: �Barret, shoot the glass.�

Barret: �(Shoots glass.)�

(The chamber fills with smoke.)

Hojo: �No! My beautiful experiments!� (Hojo opens the chamber.)

Cloud: ��Aeris?" (Walks into the chamber to look for Aeris.)

Cloud: �OH GOD!�

Tifa: �What is it Cloud?�

Cloud: �Oh man, it�s terrible! There�s guts and fur everywhere. Someone get some buckets and a few rolls of Bounty.�

Barret: �What? Was I supposed to use blanks?�

Cloud: �I don�t know. Let�s check the script.�

Director: �(There�s a script?)�

Cloud: �Hey, here it is. Looks like someone wrote in �Live Ammunition� over top of blanks...�

Director: �Whoever it was gets a raise. Now�we're going to need a new Aeris and Red XIII��

.

Director: �OK, what�d we come up with?�

Cloud: �Well, we found a Chihuahua out in the street to be the new Red, but we didn�t have much luck with a new Aeris�It seems everyone�s heard that this project is suicidal for careers.�

Director: �(Mine�s certainly over�)�

Director: �Ahhh, screw it. We�ll just write her out of the story somehow. Ideas?�

Cloud: �Boating accident?�

Tifa: �Rabid owl attack?�

Barret: �Script reading error?�

Chihuahua: �Bark bark!�

Director: �Alright. Someone go get a tree costume. (�first day on the job and it�s already infinitely more valuable than Red�)�

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/19/2004 7:51:39 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(This scene obviously never actually happens in the game. I�m just going to use it to build on the last part and future parts.)

Director: �Ok, here�s the plan. On the way to Nibelheim, a giant tree monster attacks the party. The tree monster grabs Aeris and rips her to shreds before anyone can do anything about it. Yuffie, you�ll play the part of Aeris.�

Yuffie: �Then who�s gunna play my part?�

Director: �Well, it�s going to be an FMV part, so you�ll be inexplicably left out.�

Cloud: �(�Not like anyone will notice or care.)�

Director: �Everyone ready? Alright then, Action!�

Tifa: �Yawn�this sure is a long, uneventful walk.�

Barret: �Sure is. Nothin� at all is happening.�

Cloud: �Uh huh. And it doesn�t look like anything�s gunna happen either.�

Director: �(�How can they be this horrible?) Cue the damn tree monster.�

Assistant: �Yes sir. Tree Costume Guy, you�re on!�

TCG: �Grahhh blah snort!�

Director: �(Where do we get these idiots? Meh, he�s still better than Cait Sith�)�

Tifa: �Cloud, it�s got Aeris!�

Cloud: �No it doesn�t. That�s just Yuffie, remember?�

Director: �(Unbelievable�)�

TCG: �Breety gooh nord jeed!�

Director: �(...What the hell?) Ok, just dump the buckets of guts on them.�

Barret: �Oh man, Aeris is dead! You�re going down, tree guy!�

(The group fights the tree monster and wins.)

Cloud: �So�now what? Do we�ask him to join us?� Or do we just let it go?�

Director: �Take it with you. (Maybe the rest of you will learn something from its acting�)�

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/19/2004 7:52:29 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(The Kalm flashback scene where Cloud and Sephiroth fight monsters.)

Director: "Action!"

(A Dragon approaches.)

Sephiroth: "And now I will simply destroy you with a nice casting of Bolt 3!" (casts it)

(The dragon has a reflect ring on.)

Sephiroth: "What the hell?!! (gets blasted)�

Director: "Cut! Take that ring off you idiot. And we can see your feet! Go get that costume fixed. OK, we're gunna need a new Sephiroth...�

.

Rufus (with a grey wig and a silver broom stick): "I will smite thee, oh Evil Dragon of Nibelheim!"

Director: "(Terrible...)

Rufus: "How was that?"

Director: "Oh...it was...perfect! That's all we need from you. How about you go...over there now."

Director: "OK, I can handle this. We'll just use Sephiroth's body like a puppet. Go get some string."

Sephiroth: "Hey, I'm still alive you know."

Director: "(The puppet idea would still be an improvement...)"

Sephiroth: "What was that?"

Director: "Nothing..."

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: DarkTyrant | Posted: 3/20/2004 12:19:46 AM | Message Detail

Hey Defcon, you're pretty funny. You should post on the FFVI bloopers topic.
---
All your base are belong to us!

From: Deuce ex Defcon | Posted: 3/20/2004 9:19:37 AM | Message Detail

I was unaware there was a FFVI Blooper topic...Is there a Chrono Trigger one? I really should venture off of this board sometime...Last week, I had 1050 active posts, all on this board.

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 9:47:37 AM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(The scene where Cloud jumps with the dolphin.)

Director: "Action!"
(Cloud's Stunt Double blows the whistle. Mr Dolphin swims up to him)

CSD: "I wish to jump up to the top of this platform, Mr Dull-Fin."

Director: "(gag)"

CSD: "What the hell?!! No! Get away from me! Ouch! Oh no, don't bite that! Oh god, someone help me!"

Director: "..."
(crew runs into the water to help CSD)
Director: "Anyone who helps him is fired."

.

Director: "OK, it's a good thing we have this back-up double. Take two. Only this time, Priscilla has a damn pet ladder."

Priscilla: "But...that doesn't make any sense."

Director: "Oh, just give me a reason you little..."
(Priscilla slowly backs away.)
Director: "Action!"

2ndCSD: "(Blows whistle.)"

(A ladder slowly rises out of the water and stretches up to the next level.)

2ndCSD: "(Climbs ladder. Almost gets to the top, and then gets electrified.)"

Director: "Was that a metal ladder? (I'm surrounded by idiots...) You know what, screw it. We�ll just bribe the elevator guard."

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 9:50:01 AM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Junon Harbor, after the Dolphin scene.)

Cloud: �Ok, I finally made it to the top. Let�s see�where should I go now? At least there aren�t any soldiers around�which is sorta suspicious, now that I think about it�A giant airship over there, a couple Gelnika class cargo planes over there, I can hear radio chatter, and yet no one has seen me walking across the runway in plain sight. Meh, I guess it�s not that odd after that Shinra HQ thing where we could just walk around on secure floors and talk to people like nothing was going on.�

(Cloud takes the elevator down and enters the hallway area.)

Cloud: �Uh oh, a guard. Maybe he won�t see me if I sneak along real quiet-like��

Shinra Commander: �Hey you! The parade starts soon. Get your uniform on.�

Cloud: �[stops moving] (Maybe he wasn�t talking to me�) [continues to creep towards the door]�

Shinra Commander: �HEY! I�m talking to you, the guy sneaking towards the door. Yeah, you. The guy that�s wearing a Soldier outfit. Even though that should mean that you shouldn�t be involved in this at all, I�m still requiring you to be involved. Even though you, judging from your uniform, probably outrank me. That�s right, get over here.�

Cloud: �(Better do what he says�)�

Shinra Commander: �You remember the marching procedures? It�s like this. (They show Cloud the marching procedure.) You shoulder your weapon when I say to.�

Cloud: �Yeah, whatever, I get it.�

(They get to the alley right before starting the march.)

Shinra Commander: �Alright, it�s your turn. Get out there!�

Cloud: �(Starts to march and gets in formation.)�

Shinra Commander: �(Ok�now�) SHOULDER!�

[Every single soldier turns towards the alley and says �Yes Sir?!�]

Director: �(What a stupid joke. Word play�the writers must be desperate for material�)�

(The soldiers train Cloud for the send-off.)

Shinra Commander: �I say square, you do this. Circle, this. Triangle, this. X, this. Right, you turn right. Left, you turn left. Got it?�

Cloud: �No. I could really use some more ti � �

Shinra Commander: �Sorry, but the send-off will begin soon. Let�s move out.�

(They go to the boat dock.)

Shinra Commander: �Ok, Junon Send-Off, BEGIN! Square!�

Cloud: �(Oh crap, what am I supposed to do?...) BRAVER! (Slices the soldier next to him in half.)�

Shinra Commander: �(Uh oh. Uhhhh�) Circle!�

Cloud: �Uhhhhhh�BLADE BEAM!!!! (Destroys the next soldier and knocks the commander and Heidegger down.)�

Heidegger: �Holly crap! Director, shouldn�t you do something?�

Director: �Yeah�TRIANGLE!!!�

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 9:51:27 AM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(The scene where Barret meets Dyne.)

Cloud: "Ok, so we have to find 'the boss'. Anyone know which way we should go?"

Barret: "Not a clue."

Tifa: "Nope."

Yuffie: "Sorry."

Tree Costume Guy: "Grrr blah nerf gooha!"

Cait Sith: "Let me check. (Does the fortune telling dance.) Nope, I'm still useless."

Chihuahua: "...Sniff sniff...yip yip yip!"

Cloud: "What's that Red? North you say? Alright, let's head through that fence then."

Barret: "Uh oh. There're two paths."

Cloud: "...pssst! Director! Which way is it?"

Director: "...The script says...go north."

Director's Assistant: "No it doesn't. Look, right here. It clearly says 'GO RIGHT'. Giant letters. How could you miss it? Going up will just get them lost in the endless - "

Director: "Say one more word and you'll be eating that script."

Assistant: "(eep) OH, I see it now...Yeah, head north."

Director: "(I'm still gunna make you eat it.)"

.

Cloud: "We've been walking for hours...it's starting to get dark."

Tifa: "Yeah, and cold. Maybe we should stop and make a camp."

Barret: "Yeah, it's freezing Cloud."

Cloud: "OK, we'll build a fire right here."

Cait Sith: "But, we don't have anything to use to burn a fire."

Cloud: "Hmmmm...I wonder what you're made of..."

Cait Sith: "Hey now, don't get any funny ideas. Besides, that guys a damn tree! He'll burn much better."

TCG: "Grrr..."

Tifa: "Wait, there's no need to burn anyone (yet...). Where the hell's the director anyway?"

Cait Sith: "Well, I think he - Hey! What the hell! Let go of me Cloud! Oh, what the hell is that? No, no don't cast that! Aieee!"

.

Barret: "We're running out of Cait Sith parts to throw on the fire, Cloud. We gotta do something soon..."

Tifa: "Hey look, a carriage!"

Cloud: "We're saved! Barret, go stop them."

Barret: "I'm afraid we're gunna have to confiscate this carriage, sir."

Driver: "Oh, there's no need for that. I'll be happy to drive you back to - "

Barret: "Shut up and get out."

Cloud: "There. Now we'll have plenty of wood to last us through the night."

Yuffie: "Wouldn't it have been smarter to use the carriage to ride back to town?"

(Everyone squints and turns towards Yuffie.)

Cloud: "You know Yuffie, I'm gettin' kinda hungry."

Yuffie: "(Yikes)...Uh, I meant...Great idea with the fire wood Cloud!"

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Nintendofandan2004 | Posted: 3/20/2004 10:35:58 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted by a GameFAQs Moderator]

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From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 12:13:46 PM | Message Detail

OK, these next three were written out of order when I was first writing the bloopers. So none of them really make any sense when you read them together. Again, just my fault for not planning ahead at first. But anyway, I'll just post them all together.

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 12:14:27 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(The optional scene in Gongaga.)

Director: "Action!"
(Cloud, Barret, and Cait Sith enter the screen.)
Cloud: "Uh oh. Turks."

Reno: "That's right. I'm afraid we can't allow you to go any further."

Rude: "Yeah...We must Kung Fu Fight!"

Director: "(Sigh...they didn't practice their lines again�)"
(Cloud and the others win the fight.)

Reno: "We may be trick-or-treating, but we're still Victorians."

Rude: "And...I uh...left a pie in the oven...(checks watch)"

Director's Assistant: "(Shouldn't we cut?)"

Director: "(No. It can only get worse.)"

Cloud: "I don't like this. It's like they knew we were coming."

Cait Sith: "I'm a spy. UHHH...I mean....you think there's a spy?"

Cloud: "I trust everyone. Although...now that you mention it, what's with all the cameras and microphones? You are a spy!"

Barret: "(Uhhh...we're shooting a movie, remember?)"

Cloud: "OH. Right...But what about that mark on your arm that says 'Made By Shinra Inc'?"

Cait Sith: "Ummm...Bug bite?"

Cloud: "Oh. Well, that's reasonable enough. Let's move on."

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 12:16:13 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(The scene in Bugenhagen's planetarium.)

Director: "Action!"

Bugenhagen: "So you see, Shinra is slowly destroying the planet. If something isn't done soon, this planet will die."

Cloud: "(Man this guy's old...guess the planet will be able to count on some life force soon...)"

Bugenhagen: "What was that?"

Cloud: "Nothing. Hey...what's that noise?"

Bugenhagen: "Those are the screams of this planet."

Tifa: "Really? 'Cause it sounds like a person screaming. Are you sure?"

Bugenhagen: "Ho ho ho ho, of course I'm sure!"

Tifa: "Jeez, there was no need to call me names..."

Director: "(The hell there wasn't...)"

Yuffie: "Hey, I think she's right. Look!"

(Sephiroth drops in from above and stabs Bugenhagen.)

Bugenhagen: "Gyah, that smarts!"

Director: "Cut! Sephiroth, this isn't even close to the right scene for that. And he doesn't look anything like Aeris."

Sephiroth: "Right scene for what? I was just tired of hearing him talk. Who the hell is Aeris?"

Director: "(I was tired of him talking too...)"

Tifa: "Shouldn't we get him some help?"

(Everyone squints and slowly turns toward Tifa.)

Sephiroth: "There's still plenty of room on this sword."

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 12:17:16 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(The first visit to Cosmo Canyon.)

Director: "Well, we programmed a new Cait Sith doll. Is there anything else I should know before we start this scene?"

Cloud: "...uh...yeah. We kinda...maybe...ate the Chihuahua. We got really hungry out in that endless desert."

Director: "You really ate him? ...Why didn't you just eat Yuffie?"

Cloud: "We tried. But she didn't taste nearly as good."

Yuffie: "He's not kidding. He took a bite out of my arm. Look!"

Tifa: "Eeewww. Stop showing us that."

Director: "(Hmmm...that looks like it's really infected bad...Make sure she doesn't get any medical attention. If we're lucky, she'll die.)"

Assistant: "(Yes sir.)"

Director: "You know, I just remembered that we don't have a Bugenhagen either. Ahh, screw it. Let's just make something stupid up."

Assistant: "(You mean like we do for every scene?)"

Director: "What was that?"

Assistant: "Nothing."

Director: "(Hmmm...we need a really stupid idea.) Hey Cloud...how would you like to write the next scene?"

Cloud: "Sure! Heheh, now I can finally use my creative genius!"

.

Cloud: "OK, so we trade in the busted buggy for this crazy new pogo stick-like invention of mine. It's like a normal pogo stick, only there's a wheel on the bottom instead of a rubber stopper, so it'll be unnecessarily difficult to use. Also, the spots where your feet go will have those painful spikes like mountain bikes do, and you can only use them with bare feet. Oh, and the handles break off after every third bounce."

Director: "WOW...that's...a great idea!"

Tifa: "Uhhh...can't we just bypass the whole buggy-breakdown thing, seeing as we no longer have a reason to stop at Cosmo Canyon?"

Director: "..."

Director: "Build the sticks."

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director, FFVII Blooper

From: Dragoon Alexander 2 | Posted: 3/20/2004 1:36:31 PM | Message Detail

lolz
---
Previous Account: DA - Status - Warned

From: Nintendofandan2004 | Posted: 3/20/2004 3:32:36 PM | Message Detail

Why was my message deleted?

---
Amazing factz: "facts are pointless, they can be used to proove anything!"

From: London Prophet | Posted: 3/20/2004 4:15:52 PM | Message Detail

*SPOILERS*

Last Aeris Scene:

*Aeris is kneeling in the city of the ancients*

*Sephiroth is hiding on a ceiling rafter*

Sephiroth: (under breath) Don't screw this up, ok, don't screw this up!

Director: 3, 2, 1, action!

Sephiroth: (under breath) 10, 9, 8

*Cloud bursts into the room*

Sephiroth: (under breath) 7, 6, 5

Cloud: AERIS!

Sephiroth: (under breath) 4, 3, 2

*Aeris looks up and begins to rise*

Sephiroth: (under breath) 2, 1, ok

*Sephiroth leaps from rafters holding sword, gets foot caught in camera wire, trips and ends hanging upside down above aeris, strung from the ceiling*

Cloud: Aeris, Watch O...hahahahahahahahahaha.

Director: CUT!
---
One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution;
one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship.

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 10:56:50 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Getting the Key to the Basement.)

Tifa: "Hey, look. I found this letter over here in the corner."

Barret: "What's it say?"

Tifa: "Looks like some sort of game...there're clues and everything. Should we do it?"

Cloud: "Sure, what the hell, it's not like there's anything better to do. Tifa, you take clue number one, Barret'll take clue two, and...uh..."

(Cloud looks at Yuffie, then Tree Costume Guy, then the new Cait Sith, then back at TCG, then back at Yuffie, then back to Cait Sith, and then at TCG again.)

Cloud: "(Sigh�I wish we hadn't eaten the Chihuahua�) Yuffie, you take the third clue. TCG, you can...uhh...well...you can...make some oxygen for us."

TCG: "Blah dodort wapeel!"

Cloud: "You know, you don't have to just say that crap every time. It's alright if you talk. We'll call it...character development."

Director: "(What a stupid concept.)"

Cloud: "Cait Sith...hmmm...Cait Sith...uhhh...nope, I still can't think of a single thing you're useful for. Anyway, I'll find the safe. Let's go."

(Some time passes�)

Cloud: "Everyone got they're numbers?"

Tifa: "The first one's Right 36."
Barret: "The second one is Left 10."
Yuffie: "The third one's Right 59."

Cloud: "Great. There should be four, but the last one's written in invisible ink, so there's no way to read it."

Tifa: "Then how are we gunna open the safe?"

Cloud: "The last number is 97."

Barret: "How the hell do you know that?"

Cloud: "I read it somehow, even though it's written in invisible ink. No chemicals or light tricks or anything. I just magically read it somehow."

Yuffie: "That makes sense. So where's the safe?"

Cloud: "Follow me."

(Cloud leads everyone into a room.)

Cloud: "There it is guys. So...should we go ahead and open it?"

Yuffie: "That's a toilet, Cloud."

Cloud: "Really? Then what's this knob for?"

Tifa: "Flushing."

Cloud: "Well escuuuuse me! I don't crap much, OK? Sheesh."

Director: "(Why am I still even here?)"

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:03:08 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Meeting Vincent.)

Cloud: "Hey, maybe that key will open this door. Let's try it out."

Tifa: "It worked!"

Yuffie: "Ewwww, coffins! Gross-ness."

Barret: "Uh oh, that one's opening!"

Mysterious Man: "Blah! Dijjy erak calgar!"

TCG: "(He's stealing my lines.)"

Cloud: "Oh crap! A Vampire!"

Director: "CUT! Vincent, what the hell are you doing? That's not what you're supposed to say."

Vincent: "Huh? I'm over here sir."

Director: "Then...who's that?"

Vampire: "My name's Albert. I live here."

Director: "Oh. Well...do you mind? We're shooting a movie here."

Albert: "No, of course not. I mean, this is my place and all, and I haven't left in like, five hundred years, but sure. I'll just drop everything and leave because you're shooting a movie."

Director: "Thank you. Man, that was easier than I -"

Vampire: "I was being sarcastic you jackass. I'm really going to throw a rabid blood-sucking tantrum."

Director: "I see...In that case, let me just close the door here...(locks everyone else in the room)."

Cloud: "Hey! Uh oh, I don't like the look in his eyes..."

Albert: "(grrrr)"

Tifa: "Ahhh! Get it away from me!"

Yuffie: "Cloud, shouldn't we do something?"

Cloud: "...I'm in no hurry..."

Tifa: "Oh god, someone help! Aieee!"

(several hours later)

Tifa: "Please, I'm begging you! Help me!"

Vincent: "(sigh)...Fine. (Throws a Phoenix Down at Albert.)"

Albert: "Psshhh, don't you know those hardly ever hit? You should've used an X-Potion, moron."

Vincent: "Meh. I'll just blast you with this huge gun from point blank range. Oh, what bad luck! I missed!"

Albert: "Muh hahahha! I'm unstoppable!"

Cloud: "Oh yeah? (pulls the blinds on the window)"

Albert: "Nooooo! Light! (dissolves into a really heinous smelling paste)"

Cloud: "Wow, that's rancid. Let's get some of it in a jar so we can get back at the Director later."

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:04:51 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS?
(The group exits the basement.)

Cloud: "Well, I guess it's on to the reactor now everyone."

Vincent: "What the hell is that?"

Tifa: "Uh oh, a random battle!"

(Switches to a battle scene.)

Ying Yang: "(Wiggles uselessly for about ten minutes, then does a pitiful attack.)"

Cloud: "Wow, this is gunna take a while..."

Yuffie: "Aww crap, I attacked the wrong side."

Vincent: "Does my ATB always fill this slow?"

Cloud: "What's it doing?"

Ying Yang: "Ying is Happy!"

Tifa: "Who cares?"

Cloud: "It's dancing again...Let's play Monopoly."

(Everyone sits on the ground and plays.)

Yuffie: "Oh, bad luck Tree Costume Guy, you landed on my Board Walk. That'll be - "

Ying Yang: "(Casts Fire 2 on the board.)"

Yuffie: "Awww, dammit! Just when I was starting to win. Oh! My ATB's full again. Titan!!!!!"

Cloud: "...It's still alive...Let's play Life."

(Everyone sits back down.)

Cait Sith: "Whoo hoo! Pay Day!"

Ying Yang: "(Casts Ice 2 on Cait Sith.)"

Cloud: "...Are we sure this thing's our enemy?"

Barret: "It's wiggling again."

Vincent: "I'm taking a nap. Wake me when something happens."

Cloud: "Thank god, my bar is full. Meteorain!!!"

Tifa: "Finally, it's dead. Let's get the hell out of here."

(The group takes ten steps and runs into another random battle.)

Director: "(Not another Ying Yang...we're gunna need more film...)"

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:12:08 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Rocket Town.)

Cloud: "A Shinra emblem...Tiny Bronco...this is so cool."

Yuffie: "I say we take it. I like stealing from the Shinra!"

TCG: "I agree. If we take it, we won't have to use those stupid pogo sticks with the wheels, pointy foot holds, and faulty handles. You know how hard it is to use those in this suit?"

Shera: "Excuse me. What are you doing in my yard?"

Cloud: "Umm...nothing unusual. We're just looking at this plane."

Shera: "BS. You're talking to a guy in a tree costume and you expect me to believe there's nothing unusual going on?"

Cloud: "Yup."

Shera: "Oh. Well, Ok then. If you want to use the plane, you should talk to the captain. He's in the rocket."

Yuffie: "What rocket?"

Shera: "...the one in the middle of the town."

Cloud: "What town?"

Shera: "...this town."

Director: "...aren't you going to say 'What this' or something equally stupid TCG?"

TCG: "No. That's what they're expecting me to say. Besides, I just realized she made fun of my costume, and I'm using all my brain power to come up with a comeback."

Director: "(We could be here for days.)"

(They go talk to the captain.)

Cloud: "Can we borrow your plane?"

Cid: "Sure. I mean, I've never met you, and you have a guy wearing a tree costume in your party, but what could it hurt? Of course you can't have my plane you damn fool."

Cloud: "Dang. Oh well. We'll just take it anyway guys."

Cid: "What'd you say?"

Cloud: "I said we're going to go talk to Rufus. I mean, we're going to go sabotage your rocket. I mean, we're going to go take the Highwind. I mean, we're going to go talk to Shera. I mean, we're going to take the bronco. Yeah...that'll have to do."

Cid: "What was wrong with talking to Shera?"

Cloud: "...You're right. We'll go with that. Forget all that other stuff."

Cid: "Consider it done."

Director: "(Great, just what I needed. Another idiot.)"

(The group goes back to Cid's house.)

Cid: "You haven't made them any tea? What the hell's wrong with you? First you ruin my only chance at space flight, and now this?"

TCG: "What happened with the flight?"

Shera: "I got trashed the night before and puked on the command chair."

Cid: "There was no way in hell I was going to sit on puke in outer space. Think about it. It's absurd!"

TCG: "You're talking to a guy in a tree costume here. Of course I know how absurd the notion of traveling through space while sitting on a vomit-chair is."

Cid: "You and I are going to be good friends TCG."

Director: "(Ugh�)"

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:21:46 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Rocket Town, Part Two.)

Cid: "Well, if it isn't Fat Man Palmer. Is the space program going to be restarted?"

Palmer: "You call me fat to my face and you expect me to just give you good news? You make me sick. My weight is none of your damn business, OK? I have a disorder. What's wrong with people today? Geez! (storms out of the house)"

Cid: "Wait! I have lard!"

Palmer: "(busts through the wall) GIVE LARD NOW!"

Cid: "Heheh, I was kidding, fat ass."

Palmer: "KIDDING ABOUT LARD? YOU MUST DIE!"

Cid: "Holy crap, he's gone crazy! (Palmer chases Cid out the front door.)"

Cloud: "I guess we should help him. Let's get in the bronco."

Yuffie: "How are you going to drive it? You don't have any experience with planes."

Cloud: "Hmmm...you're right. Ok, here's the plan. We'll get in the bronco, catch up with Cid and Palmer, then I'll put on this Cid costume and let Palmer chase me. Then Cid can go back to his house, get the bronco, and swoop down to pick me up."

Yuffie: "There's only one problem I can think of with that plan."

Cloud: "Really? What is it?"

Yuffie: "You don't have a Cloud outfit for Cid to wear while you're wearing that Cid outfit."

Cloud: "Can't he just use my costume?"

TCG: "That would just be stupid."

Cloud: "Hmmm...Ok, how about this: I'll put on the tree costume, you put on Cid's costume, Yuffie can wear Aeris's old costume, and then Cid can put on Red XIII's hide, which I just happen to have kept for some reason."

Yuffie: "You're an idiot. Next you'll be suggesting that we carry the bronco."

Cloud: "..."

TCG: "..."

Yuffie: "...Fine, we'll carry it."

(several hours later)

Cid: "Hey Cloud, hurry up with that already!"

Cloud: "Cram it old guy, this thing's heavy."

Yuffie: "Yeah. You know, you could help. We passed Palmer like half a mile ago. He can barely run."

Cid: "Yeah, I was hoping you wouldn't notice that. Fine, I'll help. Where are we headed anyway?"

TCG: "Wait, why are we still pushing this thing? Now that Cid's here, we can just fly it."

Cid: "Oh yeah...(starts the bronco) But there's only one seat. How are we supposed to get everyone on board?"

Cloud: "Hmmm...well, how about you fly it to the temple, then come back, then I'll fly to the temple, then Yuffie, and so on?"

Cid: "I only see one problem with that plan. We don't have a Cloud costume for me to wear while you're wearing my costume - "

Yuffie: "Oh, for the love of god. We'll just use it like a boat."

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:24:31 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:26:04 PM | Message Detail

Sensor Bypass. Delete it before it gets modded.

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:27:53 PM | Message Detail

whoa, thanks defcon. where was it?
---
Sure, why not

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:29:18 PM | Message Detail

When you sensor things, you cannot include the first letter, which was "F" in this case. The "ing" is fine, but you have to star the first letter.

And there's no need to sensor the word ASS. I say it all the time...

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:30:22 PM | Message Detail

By the way, I still have the original message on my screen. If you didn't save it and would like it back, I'll be glad to send it to you.

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:33:21 PM | Message Detail

okay, tanks
~~~Scene Seven~~~
The group is almost out of the train graveyard when...

Cloud: Hey, look, some dork riding a bull. let's kick his ass and steal his items!

Tifa: Why?

Cloud: (pulls out his prop sword) because I ****ing said so!

Aeris: Not again

They battle the monster, and steal a weapon for Aeris

Aeris: wow, great idea, Cloud, this'll make me a teensy bit stronger

Cloud: hey, leave my new backscratcher alone!

Aeris: WHAT?!?!?! that's not supposed to be....

Cloud: (pulls out his prop sword) you got something to say?

A.D.: hmmmmm, Coud's acting drunk. SEPHIROTH!!

Tifa: (begins messing with her hair) oh, Sephiroth's here already?

Sephiroth: (walks over with an innocent smile and waves to Tifa) Yes sir?

A.D.: Did you have something to do with Cloud getting drunk?

Cloud: Hey! I swear to drunk I'm not God!

Sephiroth: Oh, now that's even more absurd than the idea of the freaking fortune telling stuffed mog riding cat!

A.D.: ......................... well, did you?

Sephiroth: duh. OH, and Cid, and Vincent, and I think Tseng. Hojo might have had a go, and I wouldn't put it past Zack. Elena, definitely, and Reno, but Rude...... no, Rude might've taken some too. Don Corneo definitely had some, and I think Wedge took a few kegs. That brings us to Priscilla, man that chick can hold her liquor. Then there's Bugenhagen.....

A.D.: (god, this guy is good) so, you're saying, practically everyone?

Sephiroth: (Pouring beer down Ranbar's throat) yeah, pretty much. Ummmm, I think it's pretty safe to say, however, that President Shinra won't be drinking anything ever again

A.D.: What's that supposed to...

Suddenly, four huge burst of fire erupt from behind the A.D.

Cloud: see, I told you it was fun as all heck

Ranbar: Whoah, let's do it again

A.D.: .......... let's call it a wrap for today, shall we?

~~ To Be Continued ~~

---
Sure, why not

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:38:49 PM | Message Detail

This one's not really funny...It might help to know what a Stenographer is. They're the people that record conversations, like in a court room, for example. But that still probably make this one very funny. Sorry...

SPOILERS
(Wutai Sidequest.)

Yuffie: �I don�t think we should go this way, Cloud. It doesn�t look like there�s anything this way.�

Cloud: �But, this is the first place that was readily accessible after we got the Bronco. According to this Handy Book of RPG Rules, that means that there�s going to be something to do here.�

TCG: �Wow, that�s a cool book. What else does it say?�

Cloud: �It says that characters are usually hiding something when they try to direct the party.�

Yuffie: �That�s a lie!�

TCG: �Oh yeah? Then what�s that behind your back?!!!!�

Yuffie: �My shuriken. I always keep it there.�

TCG: �Oh. Right.�

Cloud: �Come on, let�s just go have a look.�

Yuffie: �Fine, but don�t say I didn�t warn you.�

Cloud: �You didn�t warn me.�

Yuffie: �Really? Hmmm�I could�ve sworn I did.�

Cloud: �Nope.�

Yuffie: �That�s it, we�re consulting the stenographer. Hey Stenographer, read back my lines from thirteen lines ago.�

Stenographer: �Thirteen lines ago counting that line or not counting that line?�

Yuffie: �Not counting that one.�

Stenographer: �Counting everyone else�s lines or just yours?�

Yuffie: ��everyone�s.�

Stenographer: �Ok. Now, should I count the lines we just said, or just the ones before my first line?�

Yuffie: �Oh for the love of�just give me the damn paper.�

Stenographer: �That�s against the rules.�

Yuffie: �What rules?�

Cloud: �Right here: �No one but the appointed game stenographer may view the line records.� Page twenty six of the Handy Book of RPG Rules.�

Yuffie: �Argh. Ok then, just start reading off my past seventeen parts, counting this one.�

Stenographer: �That I can do. Here we go: �Has anyone seen my garbage bag full of joke umbrellas? Oh, I forgot about his sewing accident. Yes I know what a pain in the ass it is to wear that costume, stop telling me. What�s a stenographer? Hmmm�that might come in handy later. I don�t think we should go this way, Cloud. It doesn�t look like there�s anything this way.�

Cloud: �Ha. I told you so.�

Yuffie: �Crap. Oh well, I�ll just be stealing your materia and running off now.�

Cloud: �Hey! Everyone after her!�

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:39:01 PM | Message Detail

Thanks for the help Defcon. I've got to get working on some stuff I'll post my next one tomorrow I hope

Cloud: Get your ****ing ass back you, you ****ing birdie!
---
Sure, why not

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/20/2004 11:46:22 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Searching for Yuffie.)

Cloud: �Hmm�which way first? Let�s just try that building.�

(They enter the weapon shop.)

Cloud: �Hey, have you seen a girl around here lately?�

Weapon Shop Lady: �Nope. I haven�t seen any ninja girls with large amounts of materia walk by for a couple hours now.�

Cloud: �Oh well. Might as well buy a new sword while I�m here��

WSL: �Sorry, we�re all out of merchandise.�

Cloud: �What, are you kidding? There�s like, ten swords clearly hanging on the wall right behind you.�

WSL: ��Those are display models. I can�t sell them to you.�

Cloud: �I just saw you sell one to that guy over there. You took it right off the wall.�

WSL: ��That�s because�he�s the guy that fixes broken display models?�

Cloud: �Alright, that makes sense.�

(They enter Turtle�s Paradise.)

Cloud: �Uh oh, Turks.�

Reno: �Don�t worry, we�re just here to get trash. We don�t want a fight.�

Cloud: �Oh. Well, we could use some time off too. The next round�s on us!�

Reno: �I said we�re here to get trash, not get trashed. We�re collecting recyclables. Some of us are actually trying to save the planet.�

Cloud: �What is that supposed to mean? We�re trying to save the planet too.�

Reno: �Yeah right. Do you have any idea how many trees had to die to make that guy�s suit?�

TCG: �� (Hangs head in shame.)

(The group continues to search the town.)

Cloud: �Forget it, this is hopeless. We can do without our materia. We�ll just go level up a bit outside.�

Tifa: �I�m afraid the situation is worse than you think. Someone has kidnapped TCG!�

Cloud: �Of all the insufferable things in this world...! OK, our priority is saving TCG. Where could they have taken him?�

Reno: �Elena is also missing�I guess we should work to get her for now.�

Rude: ��

Reno: �What? OH. I meant �together�, not to get her. Although, they�re both technically what we�re going to do, so�never mind.�

(They go to the statue area.)

Cloud: �Corneo! I should�ve known you were behind this.�

Corneo: �Hahah, that�s right! I�ve captured Elena and Yuffie in order to make them my wives! And I also captured TCG for some reason. I don�t know�there�s just something sooooo sexy about a grown man in a tree costume�mmm (does pelvic thrust motion)�

TCG: �Gross-ness! Cloud, do something!�

Corneo: �Not so fast! One step closer and I�ll push this button, dropping all three of them to their certain demise.�

Reno: �That�s not a real remote control. It�s just a black deck of cards with a red cough drop and a silver Q-Tip stuck to it.�

Corneo: �NO! You saw through my ploy!�

Reno: �That�s right. Now guess why:
1) Because a card box with a cough drop and Q-Tip looks nothing like a remote control.
2) Because we have magic X-Ray glasses.
3) Because you touch yourself at night.�

Corneo: �Uhh�it could be number one. But it could also be number three��

Rude: �Gross-ness! Just kill him already Reno.�

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: virus gift | Posted: 3/21/2004 1:37:20 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: virus gift | Posted: 3/21/2004 8:43:45 PM | Message Detail

(The air duct scene above the conference room in the Shinra HQ building.)

Barret: "That dirty bastard. Let's get him later, right Cloud? Cloud...?"

Tifa: "Where'd he go?"

(a toilet flushes in the distance)

Tifa: "Gurk! Oh geez, that's horrid!"

and

(Getting the Key to the Basement.)

Yuffie: "That's a toilet, Cloud."

Cloud: "Really? Then what's this knob for?"

Tifa: "Flushing."

Cloud: "Well escuuuuse me! I don't crap much, OK? Sheesh."

I'm confused.
---
"Got Milk?" - Dr. Pepper commercial

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/21/2004 8:48:10 PM | Message Detail

Blast! A discrepancy! Oh well. None of it makes sense anyway. But good call, I'd never even thought of that.

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/22/2004 9:18:34 AM | Message Detail

Blame it on either clouds skitzophrenia or his forgetability of things. Or maybe he had help in the shinra hq...
---
L.J.S.K

From: MentalPaitent | Posted: 3/22/2004 12:35:15 PM | Message Detail

Cloud: "Excuse me, I need to take a dump, but I don't know how to use this 'toilet' thing properly. Can you help me?"

Passer By: "Sure!"

Heh, that actually fits in really
---
I don't 'suffer' from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/22/2004 3:43:48 PM | Message Detail

MentalPatient, that actually doesn't explain why he forgot what the heck a toilet was later on
---
Utopia- games.swirve.com/utopia

From: Mgs2rulez | Posted: 3/22/2004 3:47:17 PM | Message Detail

Before bizzaro-Sephiroth

Barret: i cant control my body
Tifa: Is this the true power of Sephiroth?
Cloud: We better split into groups
*yuffie and tifa fly off to other corner*
Cloud: Wait i didnt tell you to go over there
Tifa: its not us we cant control our body
Sephiroth: i have complete control
*starts to fly away with yuffie and tifa*
Cloud: Wait arnt we fighting?
Sephiroth: COMPLETE control...over these two women
Cloud: 0.0 DEAR GOD TAKE ME TO
---
Server: Alexander Name: Daleious

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/22/2004 3:49:56 PM | Message Detail

Uhhhh...maybe the toilets in the Shinra Building are radically different from the ones in the Shinra Mansion? Yeah...that'll do nicely...(shifty eyes).

---
'Uhhhh, I'm badly hurt. If there woulda been some pitiful flowers or a church here, I'd probably be fine.' - Wedge, FFVII Blooper

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/22/2004 8:37:51 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(The date scene.)

Cloud: �Ok, we have the keystone. Tomorrow we go to the Temple of the Ancients. For now, let�s go get some sleep.� (They all go to their rooms.)
(A knock on Cloud�s door.)

Cloud: �Come in.�

Tifa: �Wanna go on a date with me Cloud?�

Cloud: �Oh, gawd, no. Why would you even ask such a stupid question? Geez, get outa here.�
(Another knock.)

Cloud: �Come in.�

Yuffie: �Wanna go out?�

Cloud: �Gross-ness!�
(Another knock.)

Cait Sith: �Wanna g � �

Cloud: �NO! Man, what�s the deal with everyone today? Hey TCG, wanna go harass some tourists?�

TCG: �Do I ever!�

(Round Square)

Cloud: �Ok, ready?�

TCG: �Yup. Four hundred rancid hard boiled eggs, at our disposal.�

Cloud: �This is gunna be great�ready�NOW! Haha, take that jerks!�

TCG: �Booyah, I got some idiot right on top of his head!�
(on the ground)
Barret: �(smack) Aww, what the @#!%@$!!! From up there, eh? Take this!� (shoots randomly at the tram)

Cloud: �Uh oh. Abandon ship!!!!� (They jump out of the window.)

TCG: �Well, what else can we do?�

Cloud: �Let�s go put a bunch of ball bearings on the chocobo track.�

TCG: �Alright. And after that, we�ll go hide in the Battle Arena and cast random status effects on the participants.�

Cloud: �Heh, yeah. And then we�ll go shout out profanities during the play. Especially at little kids!�

TCG: �Like, oh my gawd, I was just thinking the SAME THING!�

Cloud: ��

TCG: ��

Cloud and TCG to each other at the same time: �You can let go of my hand now.�

TCG: ��

Cloud: �Now let�s just walk away slowly��

TCG: �Agreed. Hey, isn�t that Cait Sith? What�s he doing with the Keystone!?�

Cloud: �Cait Sith! What are you doing?!�

Cait Sith: �You turn me down for a psycho in a damn tree costume and you expect me not to get back at you?�

TCG: �He�s got a good point there��

---
FFVII Survivair Wildcard Round. 3/23/04, Seven Central. Interested? Head on over to the Survivair topic.

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/22/2004 8:41:24 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(The Temple of the Ancients.)

Tifa: �Ok, so now what do we do? Shinra has the Keystone, and without Aeris we can�t find the Temple.�

Cloud: �Well, Rufus said earlier that they were headed South, towards the Temple of the Ancients. So, we�ll head South from here.�

Tifa: �But what if that was just a trick to throw us off?�

Cloud: �It couldn�t have been. The letters were a different color in his speech bubble. According to the Handy Book of RPG Rules, that means there�s going to be something to do there. Can�t argue with the book, Tifa.�

Director: �(Hmm�Note to self: Mess with Cloud�s book later�)�

(At the Temple.)

Director: �Ok, we�re going to need an Aeris for this scene. Yuffie was it last time, so I guess it�s only fair that Tifa does it this time.�

Tifa: �Hold up, who do you think you are to be giving orders like that?�

Director: �Uhhh�the Director?�

Tifa: �Oh yeah�Alright, give me the costume.�

Director: �Let�s get started. Now remember, this is a real set. There�s no way out of this temple without solving its mysteries, which means I won�t be joining you. Only the camera crew will accompany you.�

Crewman1: �What?! I don�t want to go in there either! These guys are likely to get us all killed!�

Director: �I thought this might come up. Let me just read from your contracts: �We hereby agree to subject ourselves to the recklessness and sheer stupidity of the actors at any time it becomes necessary. We recognize and accept that this will likely result in great bodily harm on one or more occasions, and most likely an unpleasant death.��

Crewman1: �Crap, I was hoping you didn�t remember that part of the contract.�

Director: �No such luck. Now get going. We only have the use of this temple for another day.�

(They enter the Temple.)

Tifa(as Aeris): �Oh man, Tseng! What happened?�

Tseng: �I was in a hurry. I guess it�s true what the legend says: �Don�t run with the Keystone.� That damn thing�s pointy!�

Tifa(as Aeris): �Oh. I thought maybe Sephiroth was here.�

Tseng: �He was. And it�s worse than you think�he was wearing an �all your base are belong to us� T-shirt.�

Cloud: �Good God! His powers must be far superior to ours!�

Crewman1: �(Oh brother�)�

Cid: �What was that punk?�

Crewman1: �Oh come on. That joke was never funny. And Zero Wing sucked.�

Cloud: �BLASPHEME!�

Cid: �Oh, you�re dead ! (Uses Dynamite on him.)�

Cloud: �Anyone else?� � � �Didn�t think so.�

(Inside the Temple.)

Cloud: "Oh great, a maze. Which way should we go?"

Barret: "Let's just follow that little short guy over there."

Cid: "Het you! Yeah, that's right, the short dude in the pointy hat! Get your ass over here!"

Cloud: "He's running...After him!" (they finally catch him)

Cid: "You're the Ancient, talk to him!"

Tifa(as Aeris): "Alright, you, tell us where Sephiroth is."

Pointy Hat Guy: "Gyah gurk snooood."

Tifa(as Aeris): "Don't play games with me, you tiny bastard. Tell me right now or I'll make you wear your ass like a hat!"

PHG: "Woah, easy lady. I just haven't talked in like a couple thousand years. Lay off me. Anyway, Sephiroth went that way."

Tifa(as Aeris): "See, now was that so hard? Man, what's wrong with guardian midget creatures these days?"

PHG: "They don't pay us much."

Tifa(as Aeris): "Cram the sob story gremlin. Come on, let's go Cloud."

---
FFVII Survivair Wildcard Round. 3/23/04, Seven Central. Interested? Head on over to the Survivair topic.

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/22/2004 8:47:27 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Still in the Temple.)

Cloud: �Hmmm�rolling rocks. It looks like we might be able to duck under them and make our way across.�

Cid: �I don�t know�what makes you so sure we can fit in those gaps?�

Crewman2: �Oh geez. It�s clearly just an illusion meant to trick you. Look over there. The rocks are just coming out of thin air!�

Cid: �If you�re so damn sure, then by all means, you can go first.�

Crewman2: ��Well�I��

Cid: �Buh-kok! Chi-ken!�

Crewman2: "I don't see how that's relevant. You're just as chicken."

Cid: "Nuh uh. No taunts backies!"

Crewman2: "What? I don't recall that rule."

Cid: "It's in the book. Right Cloud?"

Cloud: "Actually, yes, it is."

Cid: "Really? I was just making it up. Well then, guess you're stuck now, crewman."

Crewman2: ��Fine, I�m going. Whew. Ok, one, two, three, now duck, and � SQUICK!�

Tifa(as Aeris): �Oh gross! What a way to go.�

Crewman2: �(wheez)�I�m not quite de � SQUICK!�

Cloud: �Well at least now we know they�re real. Come on, let�s go through them. Everyone be careful and try not to slip on his guts.�

(They make it through and enter the clock room.)

Cloud: �Hmmm�doesn�t look safe. Someone should test it out.�

Everyone: ��

Crewman3: �Oh, you guys are all a buncha cowards. I�ll test it. (Steps out to the first arm.) Fine so far�Now I�ll just work my way to the center and � (SLICE!) Owwww! My legs! Ahhhhhhh!�

Cid: �Ok, it looks safe as long as we don�t let that second hand slice our shins off. Man, it�s a good thing we had all of these crew guys to sacrifice. What horrible fate do you think is gunna befall that last poor bastard?�

Crewman4: �Hey! I can hear you, you know.�

Cloud: �Sorry. Let�s whisper, Cid. I think it�ll be �(whisper whisper)�

Cid: �See, I was thinking maybe �(whisper whisper)�
(They continue through the Temple to the Black Materia room.)

Cloud: �So this is the Black Materia. I guess we just take it and then leave. Woaahhh, the whole place moved! What�s the deal?�

Tifa(as Aeris): �I�ll find out. (looks at the ceiling for a while) The Temple is some sort of device. It�ll get smaller as we solve some puzzles. But the bad news is that it can only be done from the inside, and the Temple will shrink as we solve more puzzles. So whoever stays to solve the puzzles will be crushed horribly.�

Crewman4: ��

Cloud: �How did you find all that out?�

Tifa(as Aeris): �From that cue card on the ceiling that the Director left for me. I MEAN, because I�m an Ancient�yeah, that�s what I meant.�

Cloud: �We can�t afford to sacrifice anyone. Not even the crewman. Someone has to finish filming this��

Cid: �Let�s just force one of those guardian midget guys to do it. It�s not like they�re gunna be useful for anything else.�

Cloud: �Good idea. Let�s go get one.�
(they get one)
Cid: �Alright, listen up you little turd. Your job is to serve the Ancients, right? Well Aeris here wants that Black Materia. So we�re gunna leave, and then you�re gunna make this place shrink for us. Got it?�

PHG: �She�s not a real Ancient. My job is to protect the Ultimate Destructive Magic, Meteor!� (morphs into a huge banana-shaped living dustpan creature with snorkels for arms, well-used plungers for legs, cacti for nostrils, and crust-covered 1980�s microwaves for eyes. Proceeds to smack Crewman4 with a slimy plunger into a snorkel, then uses him to blow his cacti. Wipes the remains on the crusty microwaves and then tosses him to the side.)

Cloud: �WOW. You were right, Cid!�

Cid: �Yeah, that�s how my dad died. You owe me a hundred bucks.�

---
FFVII Survivair Wildcard Round. 3/23/04, Seven Central. Interested? Head on over to the Survivair topic.

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/22/2004 8:49:45 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(The scene where Cloud gives Sephiroth the black materia the first time.)
Cloud is walking towards Sephiroth, but the materia slips out of his hand and shatters into a thousand pieces on the ground.

Director: "Cut! For the love of god people, we can't afford any more broken props on this set. Not after what you guys did to the Cait Sith doll last night."

Cloud: "...sorry."

Sephiroth: "(pssst - ...I still haven't gotten over my hangover. What a party! What did we do to the doll?)

Cloud: "You don't wanna know."

Director: "All right, someone go paint a new black materia."

Cid: "(Whistling and slowly walking away.)"

Director: "Aw, dammit Cid! What happened to all the spare materia?"

Cid: "Well, uh...Vincent and I got bored since we're not in this scene. We kinda...maybe..."

Director: "I'm waiting..."

Vincent: "We used them to put inappropriate body parts on the new Cait Sith doll."

Director: "Oh, for the love of...Fine. We'll just use this rock I just found. Where the hell's the paint!!?"
(Director's phone rings.)
"Yeah. Uhh...fine. Whatever."

Tifa: "Who was that?"

Director: "The costume guy. It seems someone painted all of the costumes black."

Tifa: "...Aren't you mad?"

Director: "Nah, we'll just write a bunch of guys in black costumes into the story somewhere."

---
FFVII Survivair Wildcard Round. 3/23/04, Seven Central. Interested? Head on over to the Survivair topic.

From: Solid Snake2005 | Posted: 3/22/2004 10:33:48 PM | Message Detail

erm,...you posted that already didn't you ?
---
http://neotrunks.2ya.com/
Anime/Gaming Site.In need of some help. lol

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/22/2004 10:37:36 PM | Message Detail

Yes, that was the very first one I ever posted. I had a little problem with my old sig though, and I had to delete every single one of my active posts. It seems that after 144 days they deemed it a sensor bypass...So now I'm reposting all of the old ones.

---
FFVII Survivair Wildcard Round. 3/23/04, Seven Central. Interested? Head on over to the Survivair topic.

From: virus gift | Posted: 3/22/2004 10:38:29 PM | Message Detail

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/18/2004 7:18:21 PM | Message Detail
I wouldnt expect anything new from defcon. he got banned for sensor bypass in his old signature.

Reports of my banishment are (for now, anyway...) greatly exaggerated. For anyone who's wondering, I was suspended for quite some time due to a "sensor bypass" in my old sig. After 144+ days of having it...

As you may or may not have noticed, I had to go through the board and delete all of my active posts, which includes all of my bloopers. I have new ones, but it'd be useless to post them now, seeing as new people won't have a clue as to what's going on in my stories.

If there's a lot of interest, I could start reposting my old bloopers.

---
'Yesterday he accidentally cut off all of his hair doing his victory move. Those are just a bunch of doorstops on his head.' - The Director
From: kaicel | Posted: 3/19/2004 7:48:53 AM | Message Detail
[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]
From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/19/2004 2:14:36 PM | Message Detail
yea defcon could u do that?
my bloopers aren't nearly as funny as yours
and i'm am running out of ideas
(it's hard to make something up without stealing the idea from someone)
so plz defcon start posting them
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: frigonator | Posted: 3/24/2004 2:39:25 AM | Message Detail

bump
---
It makes me want to... makes me want to... DO THE CHICKEN DANCE!!! do do do do do do do

From: scucloud3 | Posted: 3/24/2004 4:42:46 PM | Message Detail

i bet u sephy has a pet pigeon >.<'
---
Metallica cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/gentopic.asp?board=35436
IM http://cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/gentopic.asp?board=13383

From: Badgun | Posted: 3/24/2004 6:34:07 PM | Message Detail

BUMP BUMP BUMP bumpo!

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/24/2004 10:53:06 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS (Spoiler for Chrono Trigger near the end too.)
(Forgotten Capital.)

Cloud: "Hmmm...some sort of fish thing is blocking the path."

Cid: "So? Let's just kick its ass and move on!"

Fish Thing: "Not so fast! My job is to protect this shrine from outsiders. I can't let you past me."

Cloud: "Oh, no problem. We've got an Ancient with us."

Fish Thing: "She's not a real Ancient. That's just Tifa wearing Aeris's old costume."

Cid: "How the hell did you know that?"

Fish Thing: "Hellooooo, guardian fish creature! Haven't you ever read the Handy Book of RPG Rules? Guardian fish creatures always know more than they should."

Cloud: "What? That's not in my copy..."

Fish Thing: "It should be. Either way, I could tell from her acting that it wasn't Aeris. Aeris was a much better actress."

Tifa(as Aeris): "What?!! Oh, you're dead, fish. Beat Rush!!!!"

(Fish thing takes three steps to the right.)

Tifa(as Aeris): "Ahhhhhhh! Uff ufff owww oww uff ow..."

Yuffie: "Ouch. That's a lotta stairs."

Fish Thing: "HaHA! If you'd read your book, you'd know that guardian fish creatures always have a very high evade stat!"

Cloud: "Dammit, what�s wrong with my copy? We'll just use magic then. I just found this Comet materia right up there a few minutes ago...I'll try it out. Let's see...Comet!!!"

(Fish thing takes a few steps to the right again. The Comet flies past it and rolls down the stairs.)

Cloud: "Crap. Hmmm...hey Cid, get Cait Sith down here."

(Cait Sith shows up.)

Cloud: "Alright fish thing, I've got just the thing to take care of you...Take this!" (Shows Cait Sith to it.)

Fish Thing: "What, a useless plot tool?"

Cloud: "No, it's...A CAT!!!!!"

Fish Thing: "Oooo. Am I supposed to be scared? Here's what a think of your stupid cat." (Eats Cait Sith)

Cloud: "HaHA! You fell for it! He had a bomb in him. Now I just push this and..." (Fish Thing explodes.)

Cid: "Hey, you did it Cloud. Let's go check on Tifa."

(They head down the long glass staircase. Tifa is at the bottom, crushed underneath Cloud�s Comet.)

Cloud: �No! Tifa�s dead!!!! What�s this I�m feeling?...My eyes are burning, my throat is dry, my fingers are tingling��

Cid: �I farted.�

Cloud: �I see�or rather, I smell.�

Cid: �No, I�m pretty sure I smell, seeing as I�m the one who farted.�

Yuffie: �Oh, both of you just shut up. Throw a Phoenix Down on her and let�s go.�

Cloud: �It�s not that simple. This was storyline, not battle. She�s gone for good.�

Yuffie: �What? That�s the stupidest thing I�ve ever heard. Battle or storyline, it shouldn�t make a difference. I get hit by worse stuff than this, and I�m always fine after a nice refreshing Phoenix Down.�

Cloud: �Yeah, but that�s always during battle, not storyline. Look, it�s right here in the Handy Book of RPG Rules. �Storyline deaths are different from battle. A character is only Knocked Out in battle. In the storyline, they are actually killed, and cannot be revived.� See? Totally different.�

Yuffie: �What about that time you fell off of the bridge after the reactor raid? Shouldn�t you be dead from those injuries? It was storyline.�

Cloud: �Well�I guess I was just lucky. Anyway, Tifa is dead. There�s nothing we can do.�

Yuffie: �Wait, what about Crono in Chrono Trigger? They revived him after a storyline death.�

Cloud: �Yeah, but they were on a battle screen when he got killed. It�s totally different.�

Yuffie: �That�s soooo stupid. What�s the freakin� difference? We fight the battles right on the damn map area where the storyline occurs.�

Cloud: �When the screen spins and fades before a battle, we enter an entirely new dimension where � �

Yuffie: �Riiiight�whatever. Let�s just dump her body in that pond and move on.�

---
Cloud: 'No, attack its lasers with our tails as a counter. No...I mean build counters with lasers for our tails.' -FFVII Blooper #1, Guard Scorpion Scene

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/24/2004 10:58:45 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(After Tifa�s Death.)

Cloud: �Then it�s settled. We all work together to make Sephiroth pay for his treachery!�

Cid: �What treachery? He hasn�t done anything in this version of the story. Whoever the idiot writing this is, he sure didn�t plan ahead very well. With all of the plot changes he�s made, we don�t have a reason to go after Sephiroth. Hell, we don�t really have any enemies to drive the plot right now.�

Cloud: �Hmm�You�re right. What an idiot. How is this stupid movie supposed to continue without a villain?�

Barret: �Hey guys, I just found this note lying outside the door. It says: �Sephiroth took the page about Guardian Fish Creatures out of your book.� It�s from the writer.�

Cloud: �What?!!?! Oh, you�ll pay for that, Sephiroth! Let�s go get him guys.�

Cid: �I don�t know�he didn�t really do anything to me.�

Yuffie: �Me either.�
Vincent: �Me either.�
Barret: �Me either.�
TCG: �Me either.�

Director: �Hey guys, I just found this letter outside. It�s from the writer. It says: �Cid, Sephiroth�s the one who really puked on your command chair. He framed Shera and brainwashed her into thinking she did it. Yuffie, Sephiroth�s responsible for the graffiti in Wutai that says Ninjas Suck. Vincent, Sephiroth is responsible for the whole goldfish incident that happened a few days ago. Barret, Sephiroth is responsible the egg incident at the Gold Saucer. TCG, Sephiroth told me that Arbor Day is for Pansies.��

Everyone: �!�

Cloud: �Ok, so now we�re all involved in this. Let�s mosey.�

Director: �Eh, I�ve grown tired of this job. I think I�ll just leave and let you guys fend for yourselves � Oh wait, there�s another letter on the ground here. �Director, Sephiroth is the one who recommended you for this job.� That son of a�! Ok, I�m in.�

(The screen with the shell/skeleton thing.)

Cloud: �Looks like there�s a treasure chest over there. I�ll go see what�s inside. Whoops, I walked a little too close to this skeleton thing. Hey! I don�t want to go all the way to the top! Why can�t my feet stop?�

Cid: �I�ll get it for you. Whoops!�

Yuffie: �Hmmm...perhaps a little to the left�Bingo. Man, you guys are stupid.�

Cloud: �I can see the exit over there, but how do I get to it? Maybe if I�NO! I don�t want to go all the way back down, dammit! Stop, legs, stop!�

Cid: �Maybe if we curl around this way�Oh great, now I�m on the top and there�s no way down.�

Yuffie: �You guys are hopeless. Observe.�

Cloud: �Ahhhhh. Somehow, I don�t think I�ll remember that the next time I�m here��

(They enter the next screen with the cracks in the wall to climb.)

Cloud: �Looks pretty straight forward. A couple of items to get�nothing too hard. Let�s split up. I�ll go get that one, Cid gets that one, and Barret gets that one.�

(They get all of the items.)

TCG: �Hey Cloud, it looks like there�s a materia down at the end of this ladder.�

Cloud, Cid, Vincent, Yuffie, Barret, and TCG: �NOT DOING IT!�

Cloud: �Oh, bad luck Director.�

Director: �Yeah right, I�m not doing your dirty work for you.�

Cloud: �You want to be a part of the team to get back at Sephiroth, right? Then go get it.�

Director: �Uhhg. Fine, I�m going�Huff�wheez��

Cid: �Come on, we don�t have all day.�

Director: �Sorry, but these damn things take forever to climb. There, I�ve got it. I�m coming back up.�

TCG: �(Hey Cloud, do you still have that jar of heinous vampire paste?)�

Cloud: �(I was just thinking the same thing�Time for a little revenge, Director�)�

(Pours the paste all over the ladder.)

Director: �(Breathing extra heavy because of the ladder.) Ok, I�m almost there � Oh GAWD! What the hell is that?!! It burns!!!!!!!! AHHHH (pukes so hard he falls off the ladder)�

Cid: �Oh great. We could be here forever waiting for him to climb back up.�

Cloud: �Eh, it was worth it.�

---
Cloud: 'No, attack its lasers with our tails as a counter. No...I mean build counters with lasers for our tails.' -FFVII Blooper #1, Guard Scorpion Scene

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/24/2004 11:00:58 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Icicle Inn Part I)

Cloud: �Finally, another town. You know what that means�Weapon upgrades for everyone!!!!�

New Cait Sith: �Even me?�

Cloud: �Ahahahah, good one. Of course not for you. I might as well use Coin if I�m gunna throw my money away like that! Anyway, let�s have a look around town. We�ll start with that house on the right. We�ll just bust on in and take anything valuable, like always, with reckless disregard for the consequences.�

TCG: �Sounds good to me.� (They enter the house.)

Yuffie: �I found a Vaccine and a Hero Drink in that little room over there. Let�s use them right off the bat in some worthless battle to find out what they do, and then we�ll be pissed later when we find out how valuable and rare they are.�

Cloud: �Alright. Hey look, there�s a map on the wall over here. Think we can use it?�

TCG: �Dunno. Just take it anyway. I mean, it�s not like it takes up any room in our inventory compared to the dozens of swords and other stuff that we constantly carry around with us.�

Cloud: �You�re right. (Tries to take the map.) What�s this? Two options�Take It or Don�t Take It. Maybe we should ask the dude that lives here first��

Yuffie: �What for? You know we�ll just take it anyway no matter what the dude says. Let�s just take it now and save ourselves the lecture. Even if he catches us, what�s he gunna do about it?�

Cloud: �Good point.� (Takes the map.)

Map Guy: �Hey! What the hell do you think you�re doing, punk? You think you can just barge into my house and take my map that I worked for years on? You�ve got some nerve, kid. I mean, if you would�ve asked, I probably would have let you have it. But to take it without asking?!!!�

Cloud: ��Sorry. Here, we�ll give it back.�

---
Cloud: 'No, attack its lasers with our tails as a counter. No...I mean build counters with lasers for our tails.' -FFVII Blooper #1, Guard Scorpion Scene

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/24/2004 11:02:37 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Icicle Inn Part II)

Map Guy: �Oh, and that�s supposed to just make everything OK? You make me sick. I�m gunna teach you all a lesson. I summon Yeti, the mighty snow beast of frozen doom!� (Proceeds to do some sort of crazy dance that looks like a mixture of the chicken dance and someone who�s caught on fire.)

(Nothing Happens.)

Map Guy: �I said, I summon Yeti, the mighty snow beast of doom!� (Repeats dance. Still nothing. Map Guy continues to jump around like a moron.)

Cloud: �(�)�

TCG: �(What the hell? Let�s just walk away slowly�)�

(The group heads down towards the hill.)

Helpful Citizen: �Hey, you can�t go down there. It�s too dangerous!�

Cloud: �Who the hell do you think you are? We�re not just some stupid tourists. That�s just a freakin� hill lady, I assure you that we�ve been through much worse. Geesh, NPCs these days.�

Helpful Citizen: �Yikes. Lay off me dude, I can only say what I�ve been told to say. Speaking of which, who�s that over there?�

Elena: �Cloud, wait up! How could you do my boss in like that!�

Cloud: �What, you mean Tseng? It wasn�t us, I swear. He tripped and fell on the Keystone.�

Elena: �Don�t give me that crap, you liar. I guess I�ll just have to teach you a lesson. I summon Yeti!� (Proceeds to do some sort of crazy dance that looks like a mixture of the chicken dance and someone who�s caught on fire.)

Cloud: �Oh please. The Map Guy already tried that stupid summon. It�s not going to help you.�

Elena: �I see�In that case, I guess I�ll just have to slug you.� (Throws a huge punch at Cloud. Right before it hits, Yeti appears, and the blow hits it on the elbow.)

Yeti: �BAH! Wow, that smarts. What�s the big idea lady? You summon me and then you think you can just elbow shot me? Oh, you�re dead.� Chases Elena around wildly.)

Cloud: �Yeah�whatever. Let�s just grab a snowboard and go down the hill.�

Yuffie: �How are we going to fit three of us onto one snowboard?�

Cloud: �Pfft, it�s just a game. It doesn�t always have to make sense. But if you insist, I�ll go down first and then throw the board back up really hard. Then you go down and throw it up, then TCG, and so on.�

Yuffie: �How the hell are you going to throw a snowboard up a huge ass hill like that?�

Cloud: ��Dunno. Stick Gravity+Elemental on it?�

---
Cloud: 'No, attack its lasers with our tails as a counter. No...I mean build counters with lasers for our tails.' -FFVII Blooper #1, Guard Scorpion Scene

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/24/2004 11:05:21 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Snowboarding.)

Cloud: �OK, we�ve got plenty of snowboards thanks to the surfers from Costa del Sol. Last one down the hill�s a rotten egg!�

Cid: �What the hell does that even mean? Oooooh, I�m a smelly breakfast ingredient. Who cares?�

TCG: �Yeah, really. I don�t think being called a rotten egg is all that big of a deal. Well, maybe if it was a really bad smelling egg�How bad is the smell? Is it like, skunk level, or is it like that vampire paste you had earlier?�

Cloud: �Ummm�I guess it�d have to be even worse than the vampire paste was.�

Cid: �Meh, it�s still not worth the trouble.�

Cloud: �Fine. Last one down the hill is �AERIS!�

Everyone: �!!!!!!!!!� (They all run towards the start of the hill and start down it.)

Barret: �This isn�t as hard as it looks. It�s actually kind of fun. Just let the hill take you down, no obstacles or anything�Yup, a nice, peaceful trip down the hill.�

Defcon: �You�re still alive!!!??!!! I thought I killed you off earlier or something�but I can�t remember exactly.�

Barret: �Nope, still alive. Check the last few bloopers and you�ll see me in there a few times.�

Defcon: �Meh, I�m too lazy to look back at them. I�ll just assume that I didn�t write you out. And if I did write you out earlier, I�ll just come up with some bogus excuse for you to still be alive.�

Barret: �Thanks buddy.�

Cloud: �Who the hell are you talking to, Barret?�

Barret: �Uh�no one. I was just thinking about how peaceful this trip down the hill has been. Hey, what�s that?�

Cloud: �Hmmm, looks like the path is starting to get rougher. We�d better be careful.�

Cid: �Yeah, bull! You�re just trying to trick us into slowing down. Then you�ll get ahead of us so that we lose, and then you�ll call us Aeris for the rest of our lives! I�m going all out, boy!� (Get�s up to an insane speed and races down the mountain with complete disregard for the consequences.)

Barret: �Cid, look out for that � �

Cid: �Oooofffff!� (Slams into a tree.)

Cloud: �Cid! Are you OK?�

Cid: �Well�yes, actually. I feel fine. A little stretch should be all I need. Ahhhh, that�s the stuff.�

Yuffie: �Woah, hold up. That should definitely have killed you. This is storyline, not battle!�

Cloud: �No, this is a minigame. There�s a huge difference.�

Yuffie: �BS. This is storyline. We can�t continue without it, so even if it�s a minigame, it�s storyline too!�

Cid: �(Uh oh, she�s got us there, Cloud. Looks like our whole weak defense of battle versus storyline deaths is collapsing on us�)�

Cloud: �No! Uhh�.This tree is an enemy! (yeah, that�ll work nicely�) Therefore, this is a battle!�

Yuffie: �Whatever. This is total BS, right Defcon?�

Defcon: �Yup.�

---
Cloud: 'No, attack its lasers with our tails as a counter. No...I mean build counters with lasers for our tails.' -FFVII Blooper #1, Guard Scorpion Scene

From: OmegaSephiroth2 | Posted: 3/24/2004 11:08:53 PM | Message Detail

hehe last one down is aeris hehehe....
---
http://www.angelfire.com/ego2/omegasephiroth2

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/24/2004 11:10:59 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
(Great Glacier, walking to the screen before the one with the bergs that change size as you jump.)

Cloud: "Hey, what's that over there? It can't be...! But it is! A potion! Oh man, we're rich! The Brady guide said there was poison here, but it's a potion! Wooohoooo!"

Yuffie: "It's mine! I saw it first!"

TCG: "No way thief, it's mine!"

(All three of them race towards the potion. They all get a hold of it at the same time and start fighting for it.)

Cid: "Guys, it's just a freakin' potion. We have fifty more of them in our supplies. Besides, it's a whole whopping Hundred hit points. Who cares? Also, what if it's a poisoned potion?"

(Cloud, Yuffie, and TCG think about it for a while, and then finally let go of the possibly poisoned potion.)

Cid: "Come on, let's continue our journey."

(They start walking...)

Cid: "HAHA! The possibly poisoned potion's mine now!"

(Grabs the possibly poisoned potion off the ground and goes running off away from the group.)"

Cloud: "After him!"

Yuffie: "Nah. He'll pass out from the cold eventually and end up in Holzoff's Cabin. We can just get him there."

---
Cloud: 'No, attack its lasers with our tails as a counter. No...I mean build counters with lasers for our tails.' -FFVII Blooper #1, Guard Scorpion Scene

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/24/2004 11:17:06 PM | Message Detail

Well, I finally caught up with all of the old ones. The only one left is the Carry Armor Scene, but I'll hold on to that until I reach it in the timeline. For now, enjoy this new one:

SPOILERS
(Great Glacier again�)

Director: �Holy crap, it�s cold out here! We�ve got to find a way to warm ourselves up.�

Cloud: �Yeah. But how are we going to do that? There�s nothing out here that even remotely resembles anything warm. Nope, notta thing. Even if there was something out here, what are the odds that we�d just happen to find it rando � Ahhhhh!: (Walks directly off of the path and falls into the Hot Spring.)�

Yuffie: �Woah, are you OK Cloud?�

Cloud: �Oh GAWD! It burns! Ahhhh, the scalding! Aieee!�

Director: ��Meh, he looks fine to me. Let�s keep going.�

(Cloud drags himself out of the Hot Spring.)

Cloud: �Oh man, that hurts. Look, it melted my sword! What a cheap piece of crap.�

Yuffie: �Uhhh, Cloud? That wasn�t your sword. It was the snowman you built earlier and refused to leave behind. Your sword�s still on your back.�

Cloud: �I see�Then this wasn�t my bangle?�

Yuffie: �(sigh�) No, that was the snowwoman you built to keep the snowman company.�

Cloud: �Interesting��

Director: �No it isn�t! You�re just stupid! Come on, let�s get moving.�

(They enter the snowfield area.)

Director: �Great. How are we supposed to know which way to go?�

Yuffie: �Don�t worry about it. I�ll just drop these markers behind us as we go.�

(They continue on for awhile with no problems. Then the screen spins�)

Director: �Crap. Well, let�s just check the markers to see � What the hell?!??!�

Yuffie: �Cloud! What the hell are you doing?!!�

Cloud: (Munch) MMMmmm. Delicious candy canes...(Munch) I was starving! (Munch) You guys want some?�

Director: �No we don�t want one you stooge! Those were the only way we had to keep track of where we were going. Now what are we supposed to do?!�

Cloud: �Ummm�Let�s just head that way.�

(They end up at Snow�s Cave.)

Yuffie: �Hey, is it alright if we stay here for awhile to warm up?�

Snow: �Well, that depends. None of you touched that Hot Spring, did you?�

Director: �Nope.�

Yuffie: �Negative.�

Cloud: �Uh�no�(shifty eyes)�

Snow: �Liar! I can tell you�re lying, �cause your face is bright red!�

Cloud: �Actually, it�s red because I scalded it when I fell into that Hot Spring earlier, not because I�m lying.�

Director: �(Smacks forehead.)�

Snow: �I knew it! Well, I guess we have to fight to the death now.�

Cloud: �Fine. I�ll just summon Ifrit.� (Summons Ifrit)

Ifrit: �Ugh, not you again�(sigh) What can I do for you this time?�

Cloud: �Will you build me a new snowman, pretty please?!?! My old ones got melted.�

Ifrit: �(�) Uh�what�s that over there?!�

(Cloud looks. Ifrit grabs the summon materia from Cloud�s hand.)

Ifrit: �Hahah! I�m a free genie now, jerkface! See you in hell!� (Skips off smiling like an idiot.)

Cloud: �Damn. You�d think I would�ve learned my lesson after Ramuh, Titan, and Bahamut all did that exact same thing.�

---
Cloud: 'No, attack its lasers with our tails as a counter. No...I mean build counters with lasers for our tails.' -FFVII Blooper #1, Guard Scorpion Scene

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/25/2004 12:17:02 PM | Message Detail

Hilarious
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bump
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L.J.S.K

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/25/2004 5:36:27 PM | Message Detail

Cloud: �Actually, it�s red because I scalded it when I fell into that Hot Spring earlier, not because I�m lying.�
god, that one was funny
---
The more we learn, the more we know. The more we know, the more we forget. The more we forget, the more we have to learn. So why learn?

From: MentalPaitent | Posted: 3/26/2004 7:06:29 AM | Message Detail

Bump?
---
I don't 'suffer' from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

Jump to Page: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

First Page | Previous Page | Page 9 of 10 | Last Page

From: Deuce ex Defcon | Posted: 3/27/2004 12:53:15 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS (Spoilers for FFVII and FFVI)
Holzoff�s Cabin, Gaea�s Cliff

TCG: �Look, a cabin! We�re saved!�

(They enter Holzoff�s Cabin.)

Holzoff: �You the clock maker? Get to work! That coo-coo clock hasn�t worked for years!�

Vincent: �I�m not a clock maker. I�m with the Shinra Manfacturing Department in Administrative Research, otherwise known as the Turks.�

Cloud: �You sure like that line, Vincent��

Vincent: �It sounds cool�Oh. And now that I think about it, I did work on some top-secret clock research for Shinra back in the day.�

Holzoff: �Then get to work!�

Vincent: ��This isn�t a coo-coo clock. It�s a dead canary strung up with some dental floss. And�some sick bastard has drawn a smiley face on the poor thing. Who the hell are you, anyway?�

Holzoff: �Hyuk! I�m Gau�s father! I�m also craaaazzzzzy!!!�

Cloud: �Wrong game dude. Gau was in VI, not VII.�

Holzoff: �Oh. Well then, I�m�Master Duncan! I live alone in the middle of nowhere, dreaming up martial arts techniques to teach my students!�

TCG: �Uh�that�s still VI dude.�

Holzoff: �Seriously? Ok then�I�m the dude from Kohlingen�s brother! I�m living alone out here while I plot to construct an arena to celebrate the spirit of the fight!�

Vincent: �Nope, still VI. Come on, let�s get the hell out of here, Cloud.�

(Gaea�s Cliff)

Cloud: �So this is Gaea�s Cliff, eh? I hear there�s a Ribbon in a secret area somewhere up here.�

TCG: �Pffft, what a stupid rumor. If there was a Ribbon up here, it�d be in the Brady Games Guide.�

Vincent: �Not necessarily. The Brady Guide has all sorts of errors in it. Hell, it doesn�t even have you or the Director listed as playable characters!�

Director: ��

David Cassady: �Alright, that�s it! I�m tired of people bad-mouthing my guide. If anyone could do a better one, they would have done it by now.�

Deuce: �They have, you fool. Yours was so bad, it would have been hard to make one that wasn�t better.�

Cassady: �Oh, look at mister big-shot over there, thinking he�s so great because he knows more about a damn game than I do. Get a life, loser.�

Cloud: �Who the hell are you people, and how the hell did you get up on this cliff?�

Deuce: �Stay out of this, doorstop-head. This is between me and Cassady.�

Cassady: �Oh, I�m soooo scared. What�s the gamer-geek gunna do? Call his mommy? Boo-hoo, I�m a big baby, I�m gunna complain because someone�s guide isn�t as good as it could be! Man, what a loser.�

Deuce: �Argh. Someone needs to mod this guy already. I�d do it, but I hate that mod system.�

(Sephiroth comes down from the ceiling and impales Cassady.)

Sephiroth: �How was that for moderation? Too harsh? Not harsh enough? Reasonable? Thank you for using Meta-Mod.�

Director: �(What the hell is going on?)�

Cloud: �(I don�t know. I think the writer�s finally completely lost it. Let�s just walk away slowly�)�

---
http://cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/genmessage.asp?board=2000013&topic=13302135
99.9% flame-free and 99.9% free of incorrect/baseless information.

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/28/2004 2:27:06 PM | Message Detail

Bump
---
L.J.S.K

From: Shierah and Eera | Posted: 3/28/2004 6:47:09 PM | Message Detail

Defcon, could you pleas repost the link to the sit that had all these?
---
"I wonder what the legal drinking age in Twilight town is.... 8? 9? 3 months?" -Myself

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/28/2004 6:54:58 PM | Message Detail

Well, I have the link to this site:

http://hometown.aol.com/goldmonkey2828/index.html

But it hasn't been updated with most of the new ones. Although, I had to repost all of the previous ones due to a "sensor bypass" in my old sig, so they're all relatively close to the end of this topic.

---
Cloud: 'No, attack its lasers with our tails as a counter. No...I mean build counters with lasers for our tails.' -FFVII Blooper #1, Guard Scorpion Scene

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/28/2004 7:36:20 PM | Message Detail

The writers finally lost it....... oh, god, these are getting better and better
---
The more we learn, the more we know. The more we know, the more we forget. The more we forget, the more we have to learn. So why learn?

From: ScorchDrgX | Posted: 3/28/2004 11:14:33 PM | Message Detail

-I don't care about any skeptics who wanna say it's not funny-

(scene at Gonganga)

Reno: so...who do you like? (directed toward Rude)

Rude:...Tifa

Reno: But you...Elena...

Rude: Elena likes Tseng...

Reno: But Tseng likes that one ancient...

Cloud: What the **** are they talking about.

Aeris: Cloud...you don't get it do you?! You had your ****ING chance with me...during "Loveless" all you could talk about was how you were turned on by the Don. And what about when I found you wearing Tifa's underwear and singing "I feel pretty, oh so pretty"? **** you Cloud! At least Tseng has some REAL equipment! (storms off infuriated)

Tifa: I...I can't believe this... Is it true Cloud?!

Cloud: (shrugs shoulders)

Tifa: I thought it was meant to be, but...

Cloud: I must confess. I got drunk and met up with Sephy and decided to-

Tifa: FORGET IT CLOUD! (walks off and joins Rude)

Barrett: You know Cloud...I still love you.

Cloud: ...

Barrett: I kinda liked you when you were a cross-dresser...

From: OmegaSephiroth2 | Posted: 3/29/2004 2:03:38 AM | Message Detail

Here is part of my fan-fiction im writing- quotes are wrong by hey its interesting... SOme of it is boring but im fixing it.

(scene during Proud Clod fight)

Cloud: whats that noise????

Barret: must be something huge...

RedXIII: IT'S SHINRA

(ENters Proud Clod)

*Heidggar(spelled it wrong) and Scarlet appears*

Scarlet: you wont get far now! Finally, a great way to finish you once and for alll Kyah ha hahahha!

Heidggar: Lets see how you deal with our new Toy gwa ghahahahahaha!

Cloud: DOnt you guys ever quit!?

Tifa:(sarcastically) that looks sooo intimidating... oh im so scared....

Scarlet: HEY! this piece of **** cost of 5 billion gils in good weaponry research, now you are going to feel real PAIN!"

Barret: I can smoke that **** myself.

Heidggar: You'll be smoking the ground once we're done with you!

Tifa: I bet it can't Slap me to death..

Scarlet: SHUt the Hell Up! *****!!!!, Proud Clod, lets make them Bleeed- quote from ultimecia

(Battle begins) Cloud cast KOTR (Battle ends)

Heidggar- ARRGHH too much damage, this **** is going to explode!!!

Scarlet- we have 30 seconds before it Blows itself uP! Hey! That escape pod is MINE!!!!!

Heidggar- I always though you were a cute ***** but when it comes to my life, ur nothing! (Closes one-seated escape pod at scarlet)

Scarlet- YOU ******* *******, Ill get you for this!

Heidggar- Hahahhahaha Good luck you Sadistic ***** HHAHAHA

Scarlet- hehe we'll see about that (pushes Button)

(Escape Pod blows up- killing Heidggar!

(Shortly after Proud Clod blows up)

(Scarlet falls on the ground, badly wounded) (one of the picture i just finished)

Scarlet- hahah stupid Heidggar didnt know Proud Clod had a 5-star saftey rating...

Cloud's party- eh hrmmm....

Scarlet- uh oh!

Cloud- what should we do with you???

Scarlet- Dont kill me please

Cloud- I had better things in mind, lets rape her.

Everyone- Yah!

Scarlet- NOOOO!!!!!!! get away from you you... you erected ****

Cloud- **** we still need to stop Hojo comeon guys, oh and Tifa u stay and keep an eye on this *****

(Cloud, Barret, RedXIII, Yuffie, Cid, Vincent leaves)

Scarlet- Get away from me
(squirms away)

(Tifa grabs her and rips off her dress)

Tifa- hehehehhe their tiny...
---
http://www.angelfire.com/ego2/omegasephiroth2
~my Final Fantasy drawings

From: yaythunder | Posted: 3/29/2004 2:47:33 AM | Message Detail

Cloud: *in north crater* We're here to stop you and your evil plans!
Sephiroth: Blahblahblahblah I will rule the world! *shows black materia*
Emerald weapons: *eats Sephiroth and black materia*
WAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bunch of other weapons: WAAAAAAZZZZZZZUUUPPPP!!!
Diamond weapon: WAZZZ
Ultima weapon: UUUURRRRPPP
Tifa: Oh no Cloud! It's the wazzup fad!
Barret: *insert Mr. T saying here*
All weapons: *uses wazzup and the world blows up*
Cloud: Screw this, I'm going back to my home planet. *teleports to home plane*

At Clouds home planet

Goku: Hi Cloud, Welcome back to your home planet.
Zell: Yo Cloud.
Crono: Wazzup Cloud?
Then Cloud grew up to become a evil emperor guy thing and married Tifa and they had a child but the child had a genetic jenova mutation and he grew up into a werewolf person but that didn't stop him from getting all the chicks or something perverted like that.

...That was screwed up.
---
You come to Chinese Food stand: http://cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/post.asp?board=36002&topic=11667809

From: ScorchDrgX | Posted: 3/29/2004 1:25:35 PM | Message Detail

These could go on forever...GREAT!

From: screw yourself | Posted: 3/29/2004 6:46:23 PM | Message Detail

BUMP....And another thing. I have a request to make....Once this topic reaches 500 posts, could some1 remake it? It would be awesome if we made this a long-term topic.
---
Your resume is a death-wish -Jaken

From: screebs | Posted: 3/29/2004 7:06:20 PM | Message Detail

These things are so funny.

Rolls on the ground in laughter.
---
Final Fantasy will live forever

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/29/2004 9:18:01 PM | Message Detail

Hey, I think I'll start posting mine again. I might not, though, I think they need work
---
We are the Borg. You will be assmimilated. Resistance is futile.

From: Talic300 | Posted: 3/30/2004 2:30:45 PM | Message Detail

this is in need of a bump
and i can't think up an idea of my next blooper (not that anyone cares) but oh well

BUMP
---
Well, lets mosey- Cloud

From: Gabgooba | Posted: 3/30/2004 3:11:13 PM | Message Detail

Defcon, why are you deleting all of yours?!
They're supposedly good... Why the hell are you getting rid of them!?
---
Visit Gabby Games:
http://www.gabbygames.tk/

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 3/30/2004 3:52:16 PM | Message Detail

A few users on this board marked every single one of my active posts a while back for the "sensor bypass" in my old sig. Even though I had that sig for five months, a mod decided that it should be considered a bypass for some reason. So, I had to delete all of my active posts. I have reposted all of the bloopers in this topic already, and they should be up on the website shortly.

---
'The Brady Guide has all sorts of errors in it. Hell, it doesn�t even have you or the Director listed as playable characters!' - Ridiculous Blooper quote.

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 3/30/2004 7:40:19 PM | Message Detail

Hey, I came up with this ridiculous semi-blooper to kick off my return

Creator((of the game)): and I'll call this one Sephiroth

Some sort of lackie: Why Sephiroth?

Creator: Because he LOOKS like a Sephiroth, dumbass!
---
We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

From: LJSK | Posted: 3/31/2004 8:29:57 AM | Message Detail

boomp, oops, i mean bump
---
L.J.S.K

From: squaresoftworshipper | Posted: 3/31/2004 8:39:15 AM | Message Detail

*the opening sequence*

Barret kills a few train guards.

Cloud appears on the top of the train, does his stupid flip thing, mucks it up cos its actually IMPOSSIBLE, and cracks his face open over a large stone.

then dies.

THE END

if this was the case, the game would be "quite short", but very original.

From: virus gift | Posted: 3/31/2004 8:43:39 PM | Message Detail

this is a big bump
---
"Got Milk?" - Dr. Pepper commercial

From: Deuce ex Defcon | Posted: 3/31/2004 8:56:20 PM | Message Detail

Eh...It's not my best material, but what the hell:

SPOILERS
(Still on Gaea�s Cliff.)

TCG: �Crap, there are some small rocks blocking our path. I guess we�re stuck.�

Cid: �What the hell are you talking about? We just climbed up an entire freakin� cliff in the freezing cold, and you don�t think we can climb over these pitiful little things? Psh. Observe.�

(Cid struggles to get around the pitiful obstruction, but can�t do it.)

Cid: �What the hell? This should be so easy to climb�I smell a plot hole.�

Cloud: �Hmm�looks like this boulder might be able to roll down this path and clear the way so we can progress. I�ll just give it a nice little kick to get it started.�

(Cloud kicks the boulder.)

Cloud: �Oh GAWD, my damn foot! Man that smarts!� (Hops around on one foot, holding his other one. Eventually he loses his balance and falls off of the ledge. He rolls down the path and ends up in the secret area with the Ribbon.)

TCG: �Cloud? Where�d you go?�

Cloud: �Look! I found the secret Ribbon!�

Cid: �No way! For real!? Let�s go post it on board=2000013. They�re never gunna believe this!�

Director: �Psh. You�re such a n00b, Cid. Come on, let�s keep going.�

(The group encounters some Zolokalters.)

Director: �What�are they doing?�

Cloud: �Looks like they�re poisoning each other for some reason�must be a glitch in the game. Kinda funny really.�

TCG: �It�s�mesmerizing��

Cloud: �Uh oh. Hey, what are you doing?!?!� (TCG casts Poison on Cloud.)

Director: �Oh great, you forgot to put that new Ribbon on, didn�t you.�

Cloud: �Yes. Hurry up and finish this battle. I�m out of Phoenix Downs!�

Director: �Uh oh. Hey Cid, help us out!�

Cid: �I�d love to, but you know better. Only three people are allowed in a battle at once.�

Director: �Oh. That�s right, I forgot.�

(They finish the battle just in time.)

Cloud: �Yikes. That was a close call.�

Cid: �Yeah. Anyway, let�s keep heading up.�

(They run into a Malboro on the next screen.)

Cloud: �Oh crap, I forgot to equip that Ribbon again.� (Malboro casts a buhzillion status effects on Cloud. They barely finish the battle again.)

Cid: �Well, I hope you learned your lesson this time Cloud.�

Cloud: �What lesson? Hey, what�s this? �Last Elixir�, it says. Does that mean this is the last elixir we�ll ever get in the entire game? Wow, we�d better be careful with it I guess.�

TCG: �Yeah. Here, I�ll put it in a safe pla � CLOUD!�

Cloud: �(Drinking the Last Elixir) What? Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot already.�

---
'I was in a hurry. I guess it's true what the legend says: 'Don't run with the Keystone.' That damn thing's pointy!' Tseng, FFVII Blooper

From: ScorchDrgX | Posted: 4/1/2004 4:42:31 AM | Message Detail

Thank you so much...I needed my spirits lifted...

From: the master samurai | Posted: 4/1/2004 6:16:32 AM | Message Detail

ive been away for a while but im back now. anyway i loved the one with the snowman and the possibly poisoned potion.

and defcon, about your sig, wut the hell is with that, how is that a sensor bypass? anyway, im just showing my support for it, i thought it was hilarious.

From: Sephiru | Posted: 4/1/2004 6:46:04 AM | Message Detail

.: The scene where everyone is parachuting into Midgar :.

Cloud: Woo!

Red XIII: um, how can I open my parachute if I dont have any FINGERS?!?

Cloud: oops... >_<

>>SPLAT!<<

From: ScorchDrgX | Posted: 4/1/2004 7:40:51 AM | Message Detail

Cloud: Where in the world is that strange RPG like music coming from?

From: Legheliel | Posted: 4/1/2004 1:34:11 PM | Message Detail

'-Cloud and the gang meeting the guard in Junon-'

Cloud: So I guess I'll just give you these 10 gil and you'll let me pass, right?

Shinra guard: Sorry, but times are tougher now, the price of potions and ethers are increasing as we speak. I got a wife and two kids to support you know.
I'll need atleast 15 gil.

Cloud: Hmmm.... Seems like I only got 12 gil. Ey Barret you got some spare gil?

Barret: Nope, not a single gil.

Cloud: Ah, for crying out loud...
---
I like to play

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 4/1/2004 6:30:41 PM | Message Detail

Not really a Blooper, but I've been inspired to write a mockery of a materia. Let me know if it's funny or not:

Kites of the Round: Thirteen kites, each more elaborate than the next, fly past the enemies and poke them in the eye with their corners. The final kite is larger than the rest, and gets charged with a lightning bolt before poking the enemy's eye.

---
'The Brady Guide has all sorts of errors in it. Hell, it doesn't even have you or the Director listed as playable characters!' - Ridiculous Blooper quote.

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 4/1/2004 7:43:32 PM | Message Detail

Kites of the round? that was funny in a stupid yet satisfying way
---
We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 4/1/2004 7:53:21 PM | Message Detail

Then my mission is complete. Seriously though, there's only so much to make fun of as far as the story goes, so I figured I'd find something else to mock for a change. Hopefully I can think up some better ones...

---
'The Brady Guide has all sorts of errors in it. Hell, it doesn't even have you or the Director listed as playable characters!' - Ridiculous Blooper quote.

From: happinessisnotafish | Posted: 4/1/2004 8:31:46 PM | Message Detail

*cracks nuckles* Alright let's try this.

SPOLIERS (Aeris scene)

Director: No, No Aeris you're supposed to die.

Aeris: But, I see my character as living through the entire game.

Director: Well that is to bad now Sephiroth hurry up and kill her.

Sephiroth: I'm trying to but she keeps jumping out of the way!

Barret: DAMN IT! Aeris just die.

Aeris: Fine.

Cloud: Thank god we can continue now

*Scene unfold and Aeirs jumps out of the way*

Yuffie: OH FOR CHRIST SAKES!!!

Tifa: Aeris I love you you're like a sister but you must... well CID NOW!

*Cid throws spear into Aeris's head*

Everyone: *sigh*

????: IT'S ELMA TIME!!!!

*Elma from X jumps in playing a banjo*

????, ????, ????, ????, and Peter Griffin: We're going down to South park gonna see if we can unwind

Director: What the hell is going on.

Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, and Stan: Where the hell are we know?

Kyle: Hey that chick is dead!

Director: Yes, she is, now leave.

Cartman: but this fat ***** over here warped us here

Peter Griffin: Nuh uh! I was watching South park and then I just appeared here!!!

Cloud: oh for christ sakes....

Director: and you have no way to get back? Here take this ext materia

Stan: How the hell do we use this

Cartman: Well it's very simple Stan just stick it in your *** and yell Exit.

Stan: Okay........EX--IT

Tifa: NO!

*Stan blows up*

Cartman: haha stupid Stan!

Director: oh for the love of.... listen heres another onenow this is how you do it: insert it into your Weapon and yell Exit.

Kenny: We dnt hve wepns!

Director: right right. Okay think who do we not need anymore. I got it take her Wizard staff and use it.

Kyle: Okay!

*They do it and they are gone...but they forgot someone.*

Elma: Umm I'm still here!

Director: Oh right the banjo playing hick from X/X-2

Vincent: uhh.... If we are wroking on VII how could she be from X/X-2?

Red: Peter Griffin just came along with the four kids from South park.... My point is?

Cait Sith: Weirder things have happened like Cats being able to attack people with megaphones as the site on big plush toys.

Elma: Yah. Well I'm leaving.

Director: What theres a way to your world?

Elma: oh yah just threw here.

*Walks into big white light*

Tifa: Ohh so thats where that went.

Cloud: You went down there?

Cid: So did I and there was this really hot chick named Rikku!

Tifa: Hmm... Did you catch her dad's name?

Cid: No.

*YRP appear*

Yuna: Hello

Rikku: Hi there!

Paine: oh god

Cloud: Oh dear god! Hubba Hubba!

Tifa: Oh you Awesomley graphiced chick Die! BARRET!

*Barret shoots everyone except for Tifa, Paine, and the Director*

Director: Great no more game

Tifa: Why'd keep her?

Barret: Do you need to ask?

Paine: What the hell it's hurt time!

*Paine kills everyone but Director*

Director: Ohy..You know I wanted only Aeris dead...

Paine: You wanna be hurt?

Director: That's it I'm out of here.. I've had enough YOU ALL ARE HORRIBLE ACTORS!

*Director jups into water and dies*

Paine: I'm tired

*Paine goes to sleep*

????: ITS ELMA TIME!!!

*Elma comes back playing the banjo*

---
Boards claimed: 4
I don't like your plan... It sucks -- Yuna - Final Fantasy X-2

From: Sephiru | Posted: 4/2/2004 2:56:10 AM | Message Detail

Kites Of The Round was a rumour that was going around on some message boards, people actually believed it too.
---
Final Fantasy Underground
http://sephirux.proboards24.com

From: SOLID SNAKE V1 | Posted: 4/2/2004 3:39:12 AM | Message Detail

CLOUD VERSES SEPHIROTH!!!

cloud- *attacks*

seph- *casts ultima*

cloud- *casts cure3*

seph- *uses pale horse*

cloud- *uses remedy*

seph- "...MWAHAHAHA, your going to lose you little flee!*

cloud- "...no i'm not, if....anyoes going......to....lose its going to....be...AGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!!

*omnislashes CD player next to sephiroth*

cloud- "....i'm sorry, its just.... that "one winged angel" crap was doing MY ****ING HEAD IN!!!!!!!!!"

seph- "...oh, well i have some great ABBA records if you want me to try giving those a spin!"

cloud- "oh,....ok!!"

*finishes the battle with "dancing queen" playing in the background!*

---
let me show you why they call me "solid snake"! *unzips pants*

From: MentalPaitent | Posted: 4/2/2004 9:03:40 AM | Message Detail

You know, maybe you should make some Alta-Fantasy 7 thing instead of bloopers. You know, keep going on as you have done, but without the Director, Camera Crew etc.

And find some nice web-comic that does the same thing with pictures so you can show them off there
---
I don't 'suffer' from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 4/2/2004 9:14:38 AM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 4/2/2004 9:16:03 AM | Message Detail

Well, not a new Blooper, but hopefully these materia mockeries will entertain you for about two minutes:

Bahamut Zero: An unnecessarily long animation occurs, followed by an attack that will always do Zero damage. But man does it look cool to cast it�

Comet: A snow-like powder comes out of nowhere and cleans your sinks or anything else that may need cleaning.

Counter Attack: Summons a walking talking countertop monster with below-average intelligence that will attack your party at least half of the time.

Exit: One of those plastic boxes with the red letters comes on the screen and stays there for a few seconds. This spell has no effect, but it's unexplainably funny every time you cast it.

Magic Counter: Yet another walking talking countertop creature. This one can also dance! Seems pretty damn magical to me.

Mime: Summons a terrible mime that proceeds to humiliate itself in front of you and your enemies until you tap the Circle button enough times to boo it off of the stage. This attack not only costs you MP, but it also costs you HP for every second that you let it stay on the screen. That damage represents the number of brain cells its terrible performance will cause you to lose, as well as the damage your characters will take from the horrible faces of agony they'll be making while the mime is performing.

Neo Bahamut: Neo from the Matrix appears while riding on Bahamut's back. He falls off, and Bahamut eats him. He then pukes him at the enemy, and the rancid Neo-vomit causes an amount of damage based on an unnecessarily difficult to understand mathematical formula that somehow uses the letter H as a whole number value.

Poison: The band Poison appears on the screen and plays a song. Instant game over.

Ramuh: A sheep comes on the screen and rams ewe.

Sneaker Attack: A Nike commercial comes on the screen and has nothing to do with Final Fantasy VII or shoes. Go figure.

---
'The Brady Guide has all sorts of errors in it. Hell, it doesn't even have you or the Director listed as playable characters!' - Ridiculous Blooper quote.

From: MentalPaitent | Posted: 4/2/2004 10:43:15 AM | Message Detail

Erm, how about...

Slash-All: Command materia that proceeds to make a normal attack strike every character on screen, with a 99.9% chance of missing the opponent and causing unnecessarily high amounts of damage to team-members

bleh...
---
I don't 'suffer' from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

From: Celtic Guardian 7 | Posted: 4/2/2004 12:09:57 PM | Message Detail

Man, I'm going to die laughing. These are great!

Someone ought to mention Sephiroth fanboys/fangirls. I tried making a blooper on it, but it just didn't turn out well. =/
---
You laugh at my Celtic Guardian, until I use my Scapegoat, and then United We Stand, Mage Power, and 3 Axe Of Despairs, with Gaia Power out.
11900/7800

From: shinagami | Posted: 4/2/2004 1:25:57 PM | Message Detail

Aeris prays
sephiroth is on the roof and trips in a hole on the roof
sephiroth only can land on his feet if his sword is out and facing down making the Masamune a pogo stick stab right through Areis Cloud walks in right on time with the others Cloud acts mad and swears at Sephiroth Tifa says hurry use a Phoenix down cloud throws all the Phoenix down the water Cloud says what Phoenix down we dont have any Aeris dies in one more turn yes its like tatics anyway theres no time to get a Phoenix down in that time Sephiroth says here I have WHAM Cloud whacks Sephiroth with his Buster sword like a paddle Tifa what was that Cloud nothing
---
your adventure awaits you

From: ScorchDrgX | Posted: 4/2/2004 1:30:11 PM | Message Detail

Spoilers
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

But when I watched that part, Aeris got back up and said: GIVE ME A **** PHOENIX DOWN! CAN'T YOU SEE DEAD CLOUD?!

From: KingdomKeyMaster | Posted: 4/2/2004 2:56:02 PM | Message Detail

cloud and sephiroth sitting somehwhere

cloud is crying
C:im sad
S:why??
C:tifa punched me, so vincent shot her
S:soooooo...
C:im sad, give me a hug
cloud reaches for a hug
S:Touch me.....and die
---
Don't think you can, know you can... or just give up.

From: KingdomKeyMaster | Posted: 4/2/2004 2:56:58 PM | Message Detail

cloud and sephiroth sitting somehwhere

cloud is crying
C:im sad
S:why??
C:tifa punched me, so vincent shot her
S:soooooo...
C:im sad, give me a hug
cloud reaches for a hug
S:Touch me.....and die

From: Bretty | Posted: 4/2/2004 3:19:56 PM | Message Detail

In the fight with Emerald Weapon when the time runs out Emerald dies, you go back to the surface.
---
This post just kicked you in the cash and prizes!

From: happinessisnotafish | Posted: 4/2/2004 8:06:12 PM | Message Detail

Wutai Scene **SPOLIERS**

Peter Jackson: Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Action!

Yuffie: Uhh. Uhh Oh GAWD! Let me down you fat ****

Elena: You won't get away with this I'm a Tu--

Don Corneo: Shut up or I'll kill you both! Now who should I pick should it be this Theif.

Yuffie: Touch me and your materia will be lost.

Don Corneo: ...Or this Manly one

Elena: Excuse me could near me and Rude'll--

Rude: Acrually Kill her I don't really care I'm sick of her *****ing

Reno: Yeah just take her please.

Elena: H--He--Hey--Hey!?!?! Just what do you think you're doing?

Don corneo takes Elena off the mountain and carries her back to Midgar.

Cloud: Hey--Hey! Don Corneo we got our materia back yo can have he--- UHHH Where did the Don go?

Yuffie: Left with Elena

Tifa: God damnit We wanted him to take you

Yuffie: Yes well that's nice. Bu--

Cid: Great now I'm stuck with a ****** little Theif in the spare party.

Cait Sith: At least your in the spare party. Cloud stuffed in a box and put that box in a bigger box and that box in a bigger ox and that box in a bigger box and that box in a bigger box and that box in an even bigger box. Put:
Topic Box: 12235925
GameFAQs Message board
Number 2000013
FFVII
I got there and there were so many funny jokes about Cloud and Aeris.. Rest her soul .. and Tifa and her big brea--

Tifa: Hey Watch it Plushie!

Cait Sith: *Gulp* and then I left that Topic and there were soooo many topics saying bad stuff about me I started to cry so they sent me back. And here I am.

Cloud: DAMN IT!

So Cloud proceeded to put cait sith in a box put that box in a bigger box and that box in a bigger box and that box in a bigger box and that box in a bigger box and that box in an even bigger box. Put:
Topic Box: None
GameFAQs Message board
Number: 2000012
FFVII
Hoping the Social Board would accept him, They iddn't and colored him Blue and thus, He became the blue pikachiu that kept popping up yesterday.

---
Boards claimed: 4
I don't like your plan... It sucks -- Yuna - Final Fantasy X-2

From: grand lethal 364 | Posted: 4/2/2004 8:36:35 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: James Stapp | Posted: 4/2/2004 8:39:40 PM | Message Detail

Sorry if this has been posted before, I haven't read the whole topic.

Cloud wins a battle, swings the sword around, and chops his head off.

Vincent flips his gun around and attempts to shoot the enemy, but blows his head off on accident.
---
"Breathing is the hardest thing to do, with all I've said and all that's dead for you, you lied - good bye." -Stone Temple Pilots

From: deus terra | Posted: 4/3/2004 2:34:39 AM | Message Detail

hey Defcon, nothing on that site works !?
well, I only tried FFVII and Fan Fiction, but isn't there a site you posted all of these on (in chronological order) ?
---
SOCOM: A Genji Bullet _ _ _ _ _ _ SOCOM 2: {4CG} a genji bullet _ _ _ _ _ _MSN: rpg_player_type_4
XIII: Genji _ _ _ _ _ _ E-MAIL: rpg_player_type_4@hotmail.com

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 4/3/2004 8:16:43 AM | Message Detail

It's not my site. It's someone else's. They just asked for the file to use on their site, so I gave it to them. I just checked, and he hasn't updated the file since the last time I sent it to him.

---
'The Brady Guide has all sorts of errors in it. Hell, it doesn't even have you or the Director listed as playable characters!' - Ridiculous Blooper quote.

From: deus terra | Posted: 4/3/2004 11:34:46 AM | Message Detail

ok.
make sure and tell the world when he updated it, I can't be bothered to read everything again in the right order, looking them back up, etc, etc ...
---
SOCOM: A Genji Bullet _ _ _ _ _ _ SOCOM 2: {4CG} a genji bullet _ _ _ _ _ _MSN: rpg_player_type_4
XIII: Genji _ _ _ _ _ _ E-MAIL: rpg_player_type_4@hotmail.com

From: scucloud3 | Posted: 4/3/2004 6:15:10 PM | Message Detail

o_0?
---
Metallica cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/gentopic.asp?board=35436
IM http://cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/gentopic.asp?board=13383

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 4/4/2004 11:10:21 AM | Message Detail

Two things:
Unless kingdomkeymaster origanally wrote that blooper, and I haven't the mind to look, the exact same one was posted a long time ago in this very same board
Also, that last materia thing by Defcon still has me going, and I read it ten minutes ago
---
We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 4/4/2004 12:08:24 PM | Message Detail

I'm glad someone liked them. Anyway:

Someone ought to mention Sephiroth fanboys/fangirls. I tried making a blooper on it, but it just didn't turn out well. =/

I�ll give it a shot. Here it goes:

SPOILERS?
(After a scene with Sephiroth.)

Director: �Ok everyone, that�s a wrap.�

Sephiroth: �Great. I�ll be in my dressing room.�
(Enters dressing room and closes door behind him.)
Sephiroth: �Thank god, now I can take this freakin� girdle off. (Undoes his girdle.) Ahhhhhh! (huge gut spills out from under the girdle.) Man, that�s better.�

Assistant: �(Knocks on door.) Sephiroth? There are some fangirls here to see you. Can I let them in?�

Sephiroth: �(Uh oh.) No!!! Give me a minute. (Struggles to reattach girdle. Ends up breaking the strings.) Oh no! Uh�uh�.!!! Dammit! There has to be something I can use to tie this thing! Oooh, that�ll work!�

(Ties girdle with a few extension cords that were on the ground.)

Sephiroth: �There, that doesn�t look too bad. A little tight though�OK, send in my fans!�

Fangirl1: �Like, OMG, it�s teh Sephy!!!�

Fangirl2: �Umm�Sephiroth, why are there extension cords dangling out of your shirt?�

Sephiroth: �Umm�they�re not extension cords. It�s an accessory that gives me 50% lightning resistance. Yeah, that excuse will do��

Fangirl1: �Can I get a picture Sephy?�

Sephiroth: �Yeah, sure. Here you go.� (Hands her a pitcher of water.)

Fangirl1: �Uh, no, I meant a picture, not a pitcher.�

Sephiroth: �Oh, of course. I�ll be right back.� (Goes outside for a few minutes.)

Sephiroth: �Here you go.� (Gives her Nolan Ryan.)

Fangirl2: �Oh man, are you stupid or something? She wants a PICTURE, not a PITCHER.�

Sephiroth: �(Crap, I can�t let them get a picture of me when I�m like this�) Um, sure. Let me just go get my camera�� (Starts to edge towards the door.)

Fangirl1: �I have my own camera.�

Fangirl2: �You moron, he�s not getting his camera, he�s trying to run! After him!�

(Sephiroth makes a run for it.)

Sephiroth: �Gasp! So�hard�to breathe! Extension cords�cutting off�circulation!� (Passes out)

Fangirl1: �Yay! We�ve got him! Now what do we do?�

Fangirl2: �Let�s just drag him home with us and keep him in the basement.�

(They struggle to drag the secretly-hefty Sephiroth.)

Fangirl2: �Holy crap, he must weigh at least two fifty. Screw it, let�s go hit on TCG.�

---
'The Brady Guide has all sorts of errors in it. Hell, it doesn't even have you or the Director listed as playable characters!' - Ridiculous Blooper quote.

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From: kazuya316 | Posted: 4/5/2004 5:03:51 AM | Message Detail

Scene with Cloud & Tifa at end of Disc 2 outside Highwind:

Tifa : "Cloud, words aren't the only thing that tell people how you feel" (Something like that, can't remember it word for word)

Cloud : "Oh, was it that obvious?" (hides erection)
---
"Oh yeah, now I'm gettin' hot!" - Rikku, FFX-2

From: deus terra | Posted: 4/5/2004 9:12:38 AM | Message Detail

^ lol !

I suck at jokes, maybe later ...
---
SOCOM: A Genji Bullet _ _ _ _ _ _ SOCOM 2: {4CG} a genji bullet _ _ _ _ _ _MSN: rpg_player_type_4
XIII: Genji _ _ _ _ _ _ E-MAIL: rpg_player_type_4@hotmail.com

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 4/5/2004 2:02:28 PM | Message Detail

OH, god, a girdle. where did you think of that one?
---
We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

From: Gabgooba | Posted: 4/5/2004 2:51:09 PM | Message Detail

*Scene when Shinra are trying to blow up support for Sector 7 Plate*

Director: And... Action!
Cloud: Um... Line!
Director: Oh for the love of... Just improvise you stinking, rotten, sorry piece of... *walks away muttering*
Assistant Director: Action!
Cloud: Barret, what's the current situation?
Barret: THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU STUCK-UP LITTLE &#%^$*@^$&#^$ (*(@&?! I'M SHOOTING AT A *(%#@*# HELICOPTER YOU MORON!
*shooting at copter*
*copter explodes*
Barret: DAMMIT CLOUD! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO PUT BLANKS AND BULLETS IN THE SAME BOX?!
Director: Someone get me a Valium... Do we have a replacement copter?
Props Manager: Um... nope... closest we've got is the Highwind...
Director: Fine... fine... use that...

*Take 2*
Director: Action!
Cloud: Barret, what's goin- &!%@!
*Highwind comes up and smashes the support pillar due to lack of flying space, knocking the plate down and killing everyone*
Director from a zeppelin on top of Midgar: I knew that talking dummy of mine was the best 700$ I've ever spent!
---
Visit Gabby Games:
http://www.gabbygames.tk/

From: LJSK | Posted: 4/7/2004 2:10:28 PM | Message Detail

For the good of all mankind, bump
---
L.J.S.K

From: PizzaCrash89 | Posted: 4/7/2004 9:37:12 PM | Message Detail

Scene: Rocket Town battle with Palmer

Director: ACTION!!!

*Cloud, Tifa, and Vincent engage in the battle against Palmer. In the end, Palmer tries to run away, but trips on a piece of materia lying around and falls flat on his face with a thud*

*Cloud walks over and picks it up*

Cloud: Hey, there's some writing on this thing!

Tifa: What's it say?

Cloud: This Materia says "Truck" on it.

Vincent: What the hell?

Director: Sorry, our budget is kinda low. So we had to improvise.

---
Name: "Officer Suspicious"
Security Guard for the SUSPICIOUS CRIMINALS

From: atro city | Posted: 4/7/2004 9:59:20 PM | Message Detail

Director: Boss battle with Palmer. Take 1. Action!

*Cloud attacks Palmer*

*Palmer promptly does his weird sitting-down motion he does when he gets hit*

Cloud: Huh? Sitting down!? What the hell?

Director: It's Palmer, what do you expect? Let's do the scene again...and get it right this time!

Cloud: I'll try my best.

Director: Take 2. Action!

Cloud: I'll teach you to make weird faces at me, lard-man!*attacks Palmer*

Director: Ugh...just replace Cloud with someone else...take 3. Action!

Barret: *attacks, and misses* Hold still, dumbass!*attacks him again, and misses* ARGHHHH! DODGE THIS!*uses Ungarmax*

Director: Take 6. Action!

Cid: Sit your ass down and drink your GODDAMN TEA!*attacks Palmer*

Director: Take 17. Action!

Cait Sith: My body's just stuffed, yours is full of lard!*uses Slots, gets Death Joker*

Director: Take 258. Action!

Gigas: Eat my boot, *****!*squishes Palmer*

Director: >_> <_< NEW REPLACEMENT FOR PALMER!

Cast member: But where shall we look?

Director: Just get some jolly fat man off the streets.

*moments later*

Director: Take 86,160. Action!

Tellah: YOU SPOONY-wait a minute, I'm not even in this damn game!

Director: I give up...wait. Take 86,161. Action!

*the director goes out and kicks Palmer's ass himself*
---
*pokes this user*|
*******************\|/

From: PizzaCrash89 | Posted: 4/7/2004 10:20:45 PM | Message Detail

ROFLOL!!!!!!!
That was great!!!
---
Name: "Officer Suspicious"
Security Guard for the SUSPICIOUS CRIMINALS

From: Moustachio | Posted: 4/8/2004 6:01:55 AM | Message Detail

Scene at the start just before they enter the lift

Director: And actiooooon

Barrett: That's it, you're coming with me

Cloud: Right

There is a moments silence while they look at eachother

Director: What in the hell are you two morons doing?

Barrett: I'm waiting for him to come with me!

Cloud: Nononono, it says here in the script, that you walk into me.

Barrett: What? *looks at script* what the **** is this? why would i be walking into you, if i say you're coming with me!

Biggs: How are you supposed to walk into him anyway? That doesn't make a lot of sense....

Barrett: Shut up you, go with Wedge and put on your suits and guard that tower from Squall!

Everyone stares at him

Barrett: What?
---
Munchy munchy?

From: scucloud3 | Posted: 4/8/2004 5:41:58 PM | Message Detail

hmmm....interesting
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Metallica cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/gentopic.asp?board=35436
IM http://cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/gentopic.asp?board=13383

From: masterbahamut07 | Posted: 4/8/2004 6:41:24 PM | Message Detail

Okay, I've kinda lost interest in my larger ones, so for now. BTW, if you don't know who some of these are, read my other bloopers

A.D.: Dammit, Sephiroth, I don't care what you think, you're putting this on!

Sephiroth: But it's Fruity!

A.D.: I don't give a damn, just put it on and look menacing

Sephiroth: How the **** am I supposed to look menacing in this?

A.D.: You'll have scary music

Sephiroth: Hell, this music just gives it's listeners a slight chill down the spine, if that!

A.D.: Okay, how about this. If you put it on, We'll let you kill of Aeris in an earlier time of the story

Sephiroth: You drive a hard bargain, but deal

Ten minutes later, Cloud and his party arrive ((Note, I don't remember the actual dialogue, so... I'll make up ridiculous stuff))

Cloud: Uh, where are we?

A.D.: Cloud, didn't you read the script

Cloud: Uh, I kinda, you know, wrote on mine

A.D.: ((Grabs Cloud's script)) Cloud are smart, Cloud are smart, Ranbar are dumb

Ranbar: Hey! This is the thanks I get for hauling you across that swamp and keeping you safe from the Zolom???

A.D.: ... Cloud are hot, Cloud are so sexy he are, Tifa are hot and are mine all

Tifa and Vincent: What?!?!?!?

A.D.: Yuffie are not straight, are..... whoah! uh, skipping the rest, Cloud, We're in the crater. needless to say, you won't be able to read from the script, so improvise

They fight and defeat Jenova and Bizarro Sephiroth

A.D: aaand, Action!

Sephiroth comes down from above

CLoud: (Snickering) oh god, you actually agreed to wear that?

Sephiroth: Stop it

Cast and crew: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Sephiroth: god dammit, SUPERNOVA!!

After supernova is done

Sephiroth: Dammit, I'm never wearing this one-winged angel costume again!!!

Sorry, it was the best I could do at this time. better than yet another "Aeris death scene" though, so......
---
We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

From: highkonfuzedrebel | Posted: 4/8/2004 6:55:21 PM | Message Detail

i dont get it man..lol
---
"Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"~~Joker!

From: deus terra | Posted: 4/9/2004 3:52:28 AM | Message Detail

low budget stuff (this is gonna be so lame):
*during the scene where everyone goes to the Gold Saucer for the first time*
Cloud: "Wow"
Tifa: "It's so pretty"
Aeris: "Check out the chocobo's !"
Barret: "This sucks" (still grumpy)
Yuffie: "Must be plenty materia to steal out here !"
Red XIII: "I'm gonna have to tell Grandpa about this"
...
*everyone keeps admiring the Gold Saucer except Barret*
...
Cloud: "what's that strange noise"
Barret: "I hope it's this railroad falling down !"
...
The railroad falls down
...
Dio: "damn, I knew I should've repaired the railroad first"
Some assistent: "We were low on budget right Sir ?"
Dio: "yeah, ...<_<...>_>... low on budget. That's it >_>... <_< "
---
SOCOM: A Genji Bullet _ _ _ _ _ _ SOCOM 2: {4CG} a genji bullet _ _ _ _ _ _MSN: rpg_player_type_4
XIII: Genji _ _ _ _ _ _ E-MAIL: rpg_player_type_4@hotmail.com

From: sm0120 | Posted: 4/12/2004 8:57:19 AM | Message Detail

*during the watui scene*

A.D.-ok yuffie your going to hide in this pot and clouds going to punch it.thats your cue to jump out and run away.vincent and cid will block your path and they'll catch you.ok?

yuffie-ok!got it.

*looks inside the pot*

yuffie-hey!it's filled with water!

A.D.-don't worry about it.you won't be in there for long.

..........................................................

A.D.-ok!!!!!!!!action!!!!

*cloud runs up to the pot and hits it*

*no one jumps out*

A.D.-CUT!!!!yuffie,why didn't you jump out?!

*no responce*

A.D-hmmmm*looks in and closes it quickly*

A.D.-errr......we're going to need a new yuffie.

vincent-please don't tell me.....

cid-she drowned?

A.D.-no.....i put my pet piranha's in there and i forgot al about them.

everyone-...............

red xii-i smell a lawsuit......

From: mitsurugisc | Posted: 4/12/2004 10:07:34 AM | Message Detail

*The scene in the flashback where tifa finds her dad dead in the reactor*

Tifa: Dad! Oh, look wut they've done to you!(i forget what else she says)

*tifa picks up sephiroth's sword*

Tifa: damn this thing's heavy!

*tifa's dad gets up*

Tifa's dad:WUT THE HECK YOU RUINED THE SCENE! TAKE BACK FROM THETOP! AND TIFA THIS TIME NO COMPLAINING!

*Tifa goes back to her original pose but is still holding the sword so she fall on it and dies*

*Sephiroth comes through the dorr*

Sephiroth: wut the heck is taking so.. *GASP*! MY sword!

Tifa's dad: U'r worried about ur sword?! WHAT ABOUT TIFA?! WE NEED A NEW ACTOR NOW!

CLoud comes out of the flashback and tifa's gone.

Everyone in room:WUT THE?!

---
"I'm not gonna lose! Big Bro's sausage is mine!"
-FFVII

From: LJSK | Posted: 4/12/2004 1:37:01 PM | Message Detail

These seem to be severly slipping...
---
L.J.S.K

From: xArchonx | Posted: 4/12/2004 2:04:01 PM | Message Detail

Cid: Lady Luck, don't fail me now!!!!

*Sputter...putt putt...nothing*

Cid: I hate my life...
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Power Overwhelming

From: yoohoo65 | Posted: 4/12/2004 2:10:32 PM | Message Detail

In Gold Saucer:
*knock*
Cloud goes to the door and Barret appears in a wedding dress.
Barret: I know you are supposed to give it to me, but...
Barret opens a box with a diamond ring inside.
Cloud: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

In Don's Mansion:

Don: My companion of the night will be............*goes to Cloud* this healthy looking girl!
Cloud: Wa, wait a second! I mean, uh, please wait a moment!
Don: Woo-hoo! I love chickies who play hard-to-get! Yeowza!*faces lackeys* You can have the other ones!
Lackeys: Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!
Don: Well then, shall we go my pretty?
*Don and Cloud go into Don's room*
Don: Ahh, we're finally alone... All right, ***** cat... Come to daddy!! You're so cute, I never get tired of looking at you. Do you like me, too?
Cloud: Of course!
Don: You sure do know how to make a guy feel good! Then, wh... what do you want to DO?
Cloud: Whatever YOU want, Daddy!
Don: Oh man! I can't stand it! All right then...... Give me a kiss!! A KISS!!
Cloud: All right.
*then Cloud and Don kisses*

That was the best I can do, though...
---
^(OO)^ <----------Me
My AIM is hahanotfunny65.

From: Mr Tuna | Posted: 4/12/2004 2:28:43 PM | Message Detail

*Spoilers sorta*
-
-
-
Temple of the Ancients:
Aeris: Let's see how compatible Cloud and I are.
*He does his stuff*
Cait Sith: Oh no... Poor Tifa... Cloud? It seems that... WE ARE LIEK TEH PERFEKT COUUPLELL!!! Let's go back to my parent's room in the Honeybee Inn.

Moments later...

Cloud: Oh Cait Sith, you are soooo nice.

A long while later...

*A baby pops out of Cait Sith*
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Penguins are cool

From: kin slayer | Posted: 4/12/2004 5:46:45 PM | Message Detail

Spoilers

Scene at the end of game where holy pushes the highwind out of the crater

Director: "Action"

Cloud: "Cid your the Pilot do something."

Cid: "I'm Missing all the perpulsion units and stability engins."

Cloud: "What the **** my mind just got back and you expect me to understand you"

Cid: "I don't give a flying **** you fat ***."

Director: "Cut!"

As. Director: "We can't sir this is the only live stunt in the game"

Director: "You mean we cant stop footage, Cid pull the string that says emergency!!!"

As Cid pulls the string the panle drop out and shows a sign saying out of order.

Cast,Crew,Actors: "**********************************"

Director: "Find me a new seat and ship..... And give them a higher wages then before"

Director: "ANd hurry we havn't token 5,000,980,234,876,231,678,111,001 takes of each scene for nothing."

"I think therefore I am"

From: yoohoo65 | Posted: 4/12/2004 6:03:05 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS
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-
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-
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Sephiroth swoops down and hits Aeris with his sword.
Aeris: OWWWWWWWWW!!! *turns around* Sephiroth! Why the **** did you poke me with that sword!?!? You will ****in' pay for this!
Sephiroth: I don't get it... There must be something wrong. *searches his sword* Holy ****! This sword is plastic!
Director: Hehehehehe...
Sephiroth: *looks at director* YOU did this!?!? *goes to director*
Director: Cut! Cut CUUUUTTTT!!!!!
Sephiroth: Okay. I will.
Director: NO! Not that! *gets hurt by Sephiroth* Hahaha. Do you realize your sword is still plastic!?
Sephiroth: *whimper*

Okay, how do you like this one compared to my previous one?
---
^(OO)^ <----------Me
My AIM is hahanotfunny65.

From: yoohoo65 | Posted: 4/12/2004 6:09:21 PM | Message Detail

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

From: SqUiRe636 | Posted: 4/12/2004 6:26:40 PM | Message Detail

during the fight agaist Safer Sephiroth

**Red XIII and Tifa both use fire3**
**Cloud rips a really loud fart, and starts laughing uncontrolably when he is lit on fire**

Red XII: <<now that my competition is gone...>> hey tifa!

**starts humping Tifa's leg**
**plop...Tifa's implants pop out from the violent shaking back and forth**

Red XIII: aww what the **** Tifa?!?! you said they were real!!

Sephiroth: oooo, oohhhhh **he picked up the implants and sqeezes them** ooooo

ok, probably bad, but i tried
---
I'd rather be rich then stupid.

From: yoohoo65 | Posted: 4/13/2004 5:28:21 AM | Message Detail

bump
---
^(OO)^ <----------Me
My AIM is hahanotfunny65.

From: yoohoo65 | Posted: 4/13/2004 5:34:55 AM | Message Detail

Meteor: Full speed ahead! *zooms to Earth*
Director: Cut! CUT! Meteor! What the **** are you doing? You aren't supposed to zoom into us!!!
Meteor: *ignores Director and keeps zooming and finally, destorys the planet*
Director: I really, REALLY, hate that guy.

What about this?
---
^(OO)^ <----------Me
My AIM is hahanotfunny65.

From: MentalPaitent | Posted: 4/13/2004 11:33:07 AM | Message Detail

My turn ^.^

Director: "Aaand, ACTION!"

Stagehand: "Big Boo-Hoo Scene, take 1"

Cloud: "... Shut up. The cycle of nature and your stupid plan don't mean a thing. Aeris is gone. Aeris will no longer talk, no longer laugh, cry...... or get sausage..-"

Director: "CLOUD! What are you doing? Even you should know that isn't the right lines!"

Cloud: "Sorry, but I've been reading a 'Replace any word from Final Fantasy 7 with Sausage' topic on GameFAQs. Great place, you know (^.')"

Director: "Wait a minute, how could they do that, unless... somebody sold the script!"

*Tifa automatically starts looking at her feet, whistling innocently and drawing circles with her foot*

Director: "I know who did this... I know it... *evil glare*
YUFFIE!!!"

Yuffie: "O_O; Wait, wait, I didn't sell the script! It wasn't me!"

Director: "You lie! AAARGH!!"

Yuffie: "EEP!"

*Director chases Yuffie off the set and towards the dressing rooms*

Tifa: "..."

Cid: "So, how much did it sell for?"

Tifa: "Erm, half a Gil... But the directors rare Black Mage skin boots sold for a lot more"

Director: "Haha! Got you! Sell my script, will you? Take THIS, and THAT, and THIS, THAT, THIS..."

Tifa: "'O_O;"

Aeris: "Oh, you are SO dead when he gets you"

Director: "Aaah, sweet revenge. And one less castmember to pay. Oh look, I got blood on my shoes. Guess I'll have to change into my good boots..."

*Tifa prays for a miracle*

Director: "What the? CAIT SITH!!!!"

Cait: "Huh?"

From: ScorchDrgX | Posted: 4/13/2004 2:10:03 PM | Message Detail

Okay...we need new material here...I'm not saying there not funny its just the same stuff.

From: CrimsonXIII | Posted: 4/13/2004 2:12:43 PM | Message Detail

Defcon had very funny material... Wish he'd post...
---
"If you throw a small stone into water, it may make only a ripple at first, but someday, it'll be a wave."

From: yoohoo65 | Posted: 4/13/2004 3:37:37 PM | Message Detail

Hey, does anyone like mine?
---
^(OO)^ <----------Me
My AIM is hahanotfunny65.

From: CrimsonXIII | Posted: 4/13/2004 3:41:48 PM | Message Detail

Blooper wise or personality wise? I liked your Meteor blooper... But I haven't read any of you others... If any.
---
"If you throw a small stone into water, it may make only a ripple at first, but someday, it'll be a wave."

From: yoohoo65 | Posted: 4/13/2004 4:21:25 PM | Message Detail

I have one posted on one post, and two posted on another post. Plus the meteor one. And this one:

Cloud: Here is the 2000 gil. I'll take the Chocobo lure now.

Choco Billy: Here it is.

Cloud: *keeps running on Chocobo tracks* Yay!~ A chocobo!

Barret: *keeps getting hit by enemies and got his Limit Break* Grrrr... That does it... SATELITTE BEAM!!!

Aeris: NO!!! DON'T-

Then Barret uses his Satelite Beam.

Chocobo: WARK!~ WARK WARK!~ *pecks, Cloud, then Aeris, then Barret, then the enemies, then heads toward the director*

Dumb guy on the road: DUCK!!!

Director: *looks around* Thats not a duck! Thats a Choco- *gets pecked* OW! OW! OWWWWW!!! NO! CUT THE CAMERA! CUT! CUT! CUUUUUUUUTTT!!!

Camera man: o_O
---
^(OO)^ <----------Me
My AIM is hahanotfunny65.

From: yoohoo65 | Posted: 4/13/2004 5:08:47 PM | Message Detail

Okay, now I am going to make a long one.

In 7th Heaven:

Jessie: Hey, Cloud, that is the best time bomb I ever made in my life! Did you know that? I put gas with SO much odor, that it can even kill machines!

(10 minutes later...)

Jessie: HELP!!! Too much gas! Can't...breathe!!!~

Cloud: *gives Jessie an oxygen mask and watches TV*

News reporter: *cough* Bad...news.. *cough* there..is...too..much..gas..in..the...air...president...shinra...died.. *dies*

Barret: That is the end of the Shinra now! Wait a big sec... Did you just hear-

Sephiroth swoops down, kills Wedge, takes an oxygen mask, and leaves

Cloud: Damn... We are going to have a hard time killing Sephiroth... *looks at Wedge's dead body* Anyone for potato wedges?

TO BE CONTINUED

I know this is bad... why don't you think of this as a bump?
---
^(OO)^ <----------Me
My AIM is hahanotfunny65.

From: Defcon999 | Posted: 4/13/2004 5:19:22 PM | Message Detail

An odor so heinous it can kill machines...I like that.

---
Cloud: "What�s this I�m feeling?...My eyes are burning, my throat is dry, my fingers are tingling��
Cid: "I farted."

From: yoohoo65 | Posted: 4/13/2004 6:22:10 PM | Message Detail

In Sector 7, after Wedge's death:

Director: Oh man... Because of this ****in' gas time bomb, Aeris, Cid, and the other future characters must've died... *hears a thump in the distance* Yep... They died.

Cloud: Hey, why don't we skip into disk 3? Aeris died, Shinra is finished, so why don't we just continue on killing Sephiroth?

Jessie: Who the **** is Sephiroth?

Cloud: A very stupid guy who later on, tries to destroy this planet with a puny rock named, "Meteor" and become one with the planet. *chuckles*

Sephiroth: *appears* **** you, Cloud! I heard that! Wait a sec... If this is disk three, this ****in' town should've been destroyed, and *points to Biggs and Jessie* you two should've been dead!

Biggs: (Cloud is actually right for once! This guy is stupid!)

Sephiroth: I heard that... *kills Biggs* Now for you! *kills Jessie* Wait a minute! There isn't supposed to be a stupid director in this! *kills the director*

Cloud: (They were stupid guys anyway.)

Cloud, Barret, Tifa, and Sephiroth leaves Sector 7. Then Sephiroth destroys Sector 7. Then they all go to the center of the planet.

TO BE CONCLUDED
---
^(OO)^ <----------Me
My AIM is hahanotfunny65.

From: yoohoo65 | Posted: 4/13/2004 6:24:36 PM | Message Detail

Hey, would you like to hear the conclusion now, or will you like to hear it... tommorow?
---
^(OO)^ <----------Me
My AIM is hahanotfunny65.

From: SqUiRe636 | Posted: 4/13/2004 6:39:05 PM | Message Detail

almost 500, keep it comin....i only had 1 really bad one
---
I'd rather be rich then stupid.

From: yoohoo65 | Posted: 4/13/2004 7:21:16 PM | Message Detail

As you wish.

In the Crater:

Sephiroth: Hahaha! Now you will see me transform! Into Bizarro-Sephiroth!

Cloud: Bizarre Sephiroth!?!? HAHAHA!!! Where the **** did you get that name? HAHAHA!!!

Bizarro Sephiroth: Shut up. Heartless Angel!

Heartless Angel dies because of the gas.

Bizarro Sephiroth: Uh oh... I'm screwed... Oh, yeah. Bizarro Energy!

Cloud: Bizarre Energy!?!? HAHAHA! YOU KILL ME!!!

Tifa and Barret beats the **** out of Bizarro Sephiroth while Cloud laughs helplessly.

While Bizarro Sephiroth transforms, Tifa and Barret try to stop Cloud from laughing.

Barret: Hey, I know you love beans! I'll only give you it if you only SHUT THE **** UP! YOUR LAUGHING SOUNDS SO ****IN' STUPID AND WE WANT YOU TO STOP, OKAY!?!?

Cloud: Yum! Beans! Let me have them all! *eats 10 cans of beans and stops laughing*

Then, Sephiroth finishes transforming and is now Safer Sephiroth.

Safer Sephiroth: Hahaha! I am now stronger than ever! Well, even if I look more rediculous.

Cloud: Oh....I...think...I...ate...too....much....beans... Must...hold.....on!!!

Everyone except Cloud: Uh oh...

Then Cloud fails and lets the gas out.

Cloud, Barret, Tifa: Holy ****! That gas has so much odor, our oxygen masks won't work anymore! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Then Cloud, Barret, and Tifa dies.

Safer Sephiroth: What a wierd feeling, me being the only living thing on this ****in' planet. But, I like that feeling after Cloud released his gas. It feels so ****in' wonderful...

After those words, Sephiroth dies. The planet is saved!!! Even though no one lives on it anymore... Earth then joins the other planets in the category of "Planets that does not contain life" all because of the gas.

THE END!!!

Okay, I know this sucked. Sorry. It was the best I can do...
---
^(OO)^ <----------Me
My AIM is hahanotfunny65.

From: wweapon | Posted: 4/13/2004 8:46:13 PM | Message Detail

When the Safer Sephiroth battle starts:

Cloud: You know what, staying in the slums of Midgar while the world crashes around us doesn't sound so bad anymore...

From: HolyJudgement | Posted: 4/13/2004 9:20:56 PM | Message Detail

SPOILERS

*Cloud holding on to Aeris's body in the water scene*

*slowly advance in the water*

Aeris: *sneeze!!* waaaaaaachu!!

Director: CUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!

Aeris: this place is so damn cold ><

Cloud: ....... ...check out my legs sweet heart

*drops her in the water anyway*
---
/

From: iidxsnape | Posted: 4/13/2004 11:09:29 PM | Message Detail

Heh... possible spoilers.

(After the first reactor)
*Cloud, Barret, Biggs, Wedge and Jessie run out of the reactor, which doesn't explode*
Biggs: Are you sure you had the right bomb, Barret?
Barret: Wait a minute, I still have a bomb right- *Barret blows up*
Director: Cloud! Did you switch bombs before we started taping?
Cloud: *innocent whistle*

(When Tseng has Aerith on his helicopter)
Tseng: *is about to slap Aerith, but misses and falls off helicopter* Ouch...
Aerith: That's gonna leave a mark...
Director: Cut! Take Two!
Tseng: *he hits Aerith so hard she flies off to the Shinra building*
Aerith: Wow! You should see the view from up here!

(When Sector 7 is supposed to explode)
Cloud: ......Why isn't there any explosion?
Barret: Um....AAAAH!!!! *gets blown up, because the bomb was in his pocket*
Cloud: *quietly chuckling*
Director: Cloud!!!!
Cloud: What? I was coughing from the smoke!

XD

From: MentalPaitent | Posted: 4/14/2004 4:01:58 AM | Message Detail

You mean that sausage and boots made from a Black Mage aren't original? ;_;

From: yoohoo65 | Posted: 4/14/2004 8:58:32 AM | Message Detail

bu+mr-r+p=bump
---
^(OO)^ <----------Me
My AIM is hahanotfunny65.

From: SOLID SNAKE V1 | Posted: 4/14/2004 10:29:13 AM | Message Detail

clouds past

*inside shinra mansion*

soldier- "i saw Sephiroth go into this room!"

cloud- "ok"

*searches entire basment*

cloud- "....err, Sephiroths not down here"

soldier- "strange...where the hell could he be then?"

cloud- "i think i know where he could be!"

*goes to Nibelheim reactor*

cloud- "....whats that noise?"

*walks towards jenova's chamber*

sephiroth- "yesssss....oh....mwahahahaha, that feels good now doesnt it mother!"

cloud- "o_0"

*opens door*

sephiroth- "hahaha, oh yes, oh yesss OH YESSSS OH.....****

cloud- "o_________0"

sephiroth- "..no no no, its not what you think!!"

cloud- "AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

*runs out of reactor screaming all the way back to Nibelheim and drowns himself in the water well*

---
I'm not in your league?!
I'M CHRIS JERICHO!!! I'M A SEXY BEAST BABY!!!!!

From: caffeinemonk | Posted: 4/14/2004 12:44:45 PM | Message Detail

O_o
---
Currently harbouring ill feelings towards TOasters for stealing teh USLess.

From: deus terra | Posted: 4/15/2004 2:54:12 AM | Message Detail

Solid Snake V1: ... dude ...

*is disguised bump post*
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SOCOM: A Genji Bullet _ _ _ _ _ _ SOCOM 2: {4CG} a genji bullet _ _ _ _ _ _MSN: rpg_player_type_4
XIII: Genji _ _ _ _ _ _ E-MAIL: rpg_player_type_4@hotmail.com

From: excelerator3F | Posted: 4/15/2004 10:04:27 AM | Message Detail

Director: Ok people let's get to it, we're gonna do the Sapphire WEAPON FMV today and I want it perfect!
So who did you get to play the WEAPON?
Ass: Well we had a few options but we thought we'd go with Eva 01 from Evangelion....seeing as it's...almost the same color and...big and...ya know...robot"ish"
Director: Don't you think that's going a little over budget man? I mean we gotta pay the kid to drive it as well.
Ass: Oh don't worry 'bout that, we just said he could check out Tifa's...

*Tifa turns around*

Tifa: !?
Ass: ...fighting skills! That's it, this Shinji kid is sick of getting beat up in school and wants to learn some skills from her!
Cameraman: *whispers* (nice save man)
Ass: *whispers back* (you get used to it working with her)

Cid: What the hell does WEAPON stand for anyway?
Ass: Eh I think it's something like
Worst
Exaggeration of
Asshat
Product
Other than
N-Gage

Cloud: Like, Duh Cid!!! Obviousness! Stop asking stupid questions, what I wanna know is what the hell FMV means.
Everybody: ...
---
Is our children learning? - George W. Bush, the World's favorite asshat

From: excelerator3F | Posted: 4/15/2004 10:10:07 AM | Message Detail

Director: Ok Cloud and Sephy we're going to shoot the final battle scene inside Cloud's mind, in your mind Cloud, Sephy is naked from the waist up.
Cloud: Why!?
Director: Because you cross dress and hang out in tubs with guys called Mukki, plus this is a Japanese game so we have to have at least one character with non-straight characteristics.
Cloud: Ok then...Omnislash!
Sephy: *speaking in monotone* Aoch, aoch, that hurts so very, very much, oh the pain, it hurts so much...oh the humanity.
*breaks blood capsule over forehead*

*after final FMV*

Cloud: Excuse-me sir...I have a question.
Director: Yeeeeesss...?
Cloud: Well why is it that when I dealt several small cuts to Sephiroth's limbs and torso...only his forehead had blood on it?
Director: (he sure picked a fine time to become intelligent)
Cloud: And why is it that when Sephy ran an enormous blade straight through Aeris's stomach...there wasn't a drip of blood to be seen?
Director: Well I'll have to get back to that one Cloud.

Director: Now where is the best place to find absolute bull**** made by fanboys to explain that stuff?
I know! GameFAQs's FFVII General Board!!! Of course!
*posts on the board asking for info about the biggest fanboys, n00bs and morons of the board*
*Ex points him in the direction of some*

Cloud: So...?
Director: *reads what he printed out* Sephiroth bleeds from his forehead because all of the Omnislash's hits concentrate on one point of the body depending on the enemy.
Cloud: Pretty rational so far.
Director: (I take back the intelligent comment)
Director: And Aeris had no blood on her because *and reads* Ancients don't bleed...ever, and the Masamune repels blood as well so even if she did...there wouldn't be anything.
Cloud: Oh ok, thanks for that enlightening moment.
Director: (sucker)
---
Is our children learning? - George W. Bush, the World's favorite asshat

From: excelerator3F | Posted: 4/15/2004 10:21:05 AM | Message Detail

Director: Ok people gather round, gather round we got some more shots to do here in Cosmo Canyon then we're done.
Who did you get to play Bugenhagen?
Ass: Some old guy from a retirement home, it's cool though cuz we don't have to pay him and he actually thinks his name is Bugenhagen so it'll add that personal touch to the character.
Director: Any mental health issues other than the name thing?
Ass: Well he has some memory lapses from time to time and he used to be a pedophile so sometimes he comes out with these freaky laughs like "Ho-Ho-Hoooo!!!"
Director: Bleh he's free isn't he? Bring him in then!

*old pensioner guy comes in with a cane mumbling something*

Bugen: mmrph...fffrrrmmphr mphrffphrmm...phrm!?
Director: Ok let's get you on set pops.
Ass: Come on then.
Bugen: mmmrph...
Cameraman: Hey wait a minute, the man doesn't have his teeth in how do you expect him to talk?
Prop Guy: Oh so that's what is, I thought he was just another one of those FFX voice-actors, but then again he does have a more extensive vocabulary.
Bugen: *pops his teeth in* Arrgh goddammit you kids have no respect for the elderly these days do ya, why I fought in W-a W-a II for yer unborn collective asses and this is the thanks I get!?
Nurse: Settle down now sir, or I'll have to give you another of those enemas you really hate...
Bugen: Arrgh whatever ya fat *****...
Nurse: WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!?
Bugen: I said I have a bad itch.
Nurse: Oh ok then.

*after Red receives his ultimate weapon*

Monster: *sees the party with Bugen tagging along* Haha! Look guys it's the Geriatric Squad! Run for your lives!
Bugen: Don't you talk to me like that ya little son of a *****!
Monster: What are ya gonna do about it pops? Alzheimer me to death?
Bugen: Arrgh goddammit...kids and monsters these days...ugh...*crouches and falls over*
Ass: Oh great he died and we still had loads of shots to do, what are we going to do now?
Director: It's too late to find a replacement, we'll just say he's "gone on a journey".
Ass: Won't that leave a few things unexplained?
Director: Have you read the rest of the script lately?
Ass: <ahem>
---
Is our children learning? - George W. Bush, the World's favorite asshat

From: Legheliel | Posted: 4/15/2004 10:28:20 AM | Message Detail

lol Excel.
---
I like to play

From: Legheliel | Posted: 4/15/2004 10:28:28 AM | Message Detail

[LAST POST]

*Cloud defeats the one winged angel and is summoned by Sephiroth to face the final battle.*

*Clouds recieves his limit break but instead of doing Omnislash, he by mistake performs Frog song*
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I like to play

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